For all of you that lurk here please understand that you cannot come into this sub, read a few threads and considered yourself cured of all your beta tendencies. It will take years, maybe decades, to overcome all the blue pill programming that you have been exposed to. I don't consider myself cured, either. I also don't consider myself some bad ass alpha either. But here is my story:

My mother was an alcoholic who my real dad left when I was a toddler. I was born when my mom was 17 and she was never, and still isn't, ready to be a mother. She is in her mid fifties and is as much as an alcoholic as she was back then.

I was always scared of my mom because she was a moody drunk. She could be affectionate on one night of drinking and then threatening to kill herself and me at the same time the next night. She would sober up and apologize if she was crazy the night before. As a young boy, I assumed she was really sorry. She always blamed her problems on her boss, her current (of many) boyfriends or the overall world in general. When I was young, I was taught it was always someone else's fault.

My mom met a poor fucker that decided that this was the woman he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. This was a mistake on so many levels. To top it off, he was a momma's boy and was the black sheep of his family. A match made in heaven, right? This soon turned into the biggest clusterfuck of a marriage I've ever seen. Drinking, beatings, smashed furniture, crying, you name it. I was surrounded by an oasis of blue at all times. My new "dad" couldn't control my mom and she wore him down with her terrible personality to the point that he wanted to literally kill her. To my mom, this was his fault and he was a "shitty man." She's partially right, he should have walked away but couldn't because he was a worthless man.

I carried some of these relationship "pointers" into my own romantic life and, needless to say, they all ended horribly. I never felt loved and couldn't love anyone either. The number on reason is because I didn't love myself so why would anyone else? I became a pothead and an alcoholic. Just like mom.

I, too, got married eventually and had a son. I never loved his mom but married her because I got her pregnant. I was programmed to self-destruct and live a miserable life. But something happened during my marriage that changed who I was for the rest of my life.

I woke up one day to my wife throwing a tantrum (daily occurrence) and I, being the ever-faithful beta, trying to console her and ask her what was wrong. Then I looked her over and realized I was an alcoholic trying to console a hambeast with a terrible personality who I didn't love. And I was tired of this life.

Morally, I did some things to hasten the demise of my marriage but I left the union without a financial scratch. I found someone else and she was awesome. But my blue pill programming set out to fuck it up. I kept drinking and missing work. I was paranoid and possessive. I complained about everything. I quit my job of many years. And she broke up with me. I was crushed. But I didn't blame her. I started to get my shit together.

I quit drinking cold turkey which was an experience by itself. I quit smoking dope. I quit complaining and started at square one. I had to transform myself, for me and my son, who decided he wanted to live with me. I had small victories every day but thought about drinking a lot. But I kept grinding.

I eventually got back together with the woman who broke up with me. She responded well to the new me. And we have been building our life together with our kids since then. Her kid's father was/is as beta as they come so I can see everything from a different perspective now. Her daughter hates men and her son is a pussy. But it has been a great experience. I provide leadership and our house is harmonious most days. Her and I will probably never get married because we like things as they are.

Nothing is perfect but compared to my life five years ago, I'll take my worst day now over my best days back then any time. On a side note, my mom called me over Thanksgiving and left a message saying she was going to kill herself (she was drunk and this is a manipulation tactic that she has used over the years when I don't buy in). I deleted the message and a got back to my turkey.

TLDR; You will never become alpha by reading Reddit threads on your computer. You will need perspective and self-respect to get where you want to go. If you are looking at the Red Pill for the sole purpose of getting your dick wet more, you're doing it wrong. Your red pill transformation has to come from your core and affect every facet of your life including your romantic relationships. You need to collect pieces and put together an awesome puzzle that is your life.

Thanks for reading.