I (33M) had started this seeing this woman (28/29) a few weeks ago.

We went on 3 dates and everything seemed to be going well. Between the 2nd and 3rd date, communication slowed down to the point where she wouldn't reply for hours but she'd always reply by the end of the day. Sometimes I wouldn't even text the next morning, but she would.

We had had conversations about what we were looking for and we both wanted a LTR.

Anyway, during the 3rd date she told me that she'd have to leave the city for a couple days. At the end of the date, I asked if we could see each other before she left. She said she'd like that and that we'd just have to see when between Sun-Tues. I said cool, just let me know and I'll come through. She said she'd do that. I didn't just want to see her for the sake of it - I wanted to have a specific conversation with her.

We texted back and forth a bit on Saturday. She was out with friends that night and checked in here and there - I didn't try to talk to her too much but I asked her to let me know when she got home. She'd said that her friend (male) was driving them home - in her car. She didn't let me know when she got home.

Sunday came and went and there was no message. I sent a voice note (vn) to remind her to just let me know - whether she was available or not. I wasn't expecting to see her, just expecting to be informed if it would be possible or not. This was the first time a full day had gone by without her replying to me or initiating conversation.

Monday came - nothing.

Tuesday morning she texts me saying that she's busy and we'd have to make plans for when she gets back; I reply like normal.

But then I decide to raise the issue of her not texting me when we had an understanding. I told her that it wasn't a big deal but if we were going to make this work, I'd appreciate it if she texted me when we had an agreement. I don't expect to talk every day but if we have an understanding that we're gonna see each other, then I just wanted to be informed in a timeous manner - I felt like after 3 dates, it wasn't too much of a stretch to expect or ask for. After all, we were basically just going to determine logistics for a 4th date - if possible. and if not, she could've just said so.

I also mentioned that she could send me some pictures of how she'd be looking over the weekend to make up for it - as a way to show that I wasn't really upset or anything. I told her that I was going to ask for those pics anyway - but I figured it would be an easy way to move on. Plus this "Atonement" thing is something we'd both played into over the past few dates. I then asked if we could talk on the phone since we wouldn't be seeing each other and I wanted to get the conversation out the way (I was anxious about it, i won't lie)

She replied to my vn citing a few of her grievances - including pacing, saying that I was expecting too much from her at this stage of our interaction - and then ends things, entirely.

Normally, I'd accept the decision as I have with every other woman over the past 10 years. But I really liked this girl, I saw a future with her and I didn't see this coming - not at all. I was confused. I panicked. I tried to explain where I was coming from, I tried to tell her how some of the ways in which she had conceptualized things weren't exactly true/accurate. I sent a 15min vn. She replied, thanking me for it but saying that her decision was unchanged. The next morning I sent another. Ridiculous.

Neither of us have sent any txts since - I've mostly been trying to come to terms with why I sabotaged this. I was concerned about a bunch of things - mostly past failed talking stages (actually mentioned this in the 2nd vn {so stupid}) and how this was going in the same direction. as well as number of other things - it all just culminated this week/weekend. I knew not to raise the issue but I chose to anyway. I knew not to send those panicked vn's but I did. I was in my head - way too much. Crazy thing is, It was a very specific set of circumstances that lead to this and I think that if it were any other week, I wouldn't have gotten caught up the way I did.

I completely lost frame. I still can't believe it.

This girl is essentially everything I've ever wanted and I just got ahead of myself with things. I tried to account for situations/circumstances that weren't even really happening; all because I wanted it too much.

I lost my objectivity. That's never happened before. I'm not sure what to make of it.

if there's way to salvage things, I'd love to. But i know that chances are slim to none. I've essentially ruined the image she had of me when I sent those vn's.

The problem is that I don't know if I'll ever find another woman of her calibre again. This one hurts.