Have you ever noticed how terrible conversations go with those who lack charisma? Yeah, don't be that guy.

mi1a · 2017-03-01T04:59:52+00:00

Sometimes smart technical people can be socially retarded. The lessons from your post are good ones to keep in mind, but you really are shitting on this dude kinda hard. If he clearly wants to put no effort into improving himself, then yeah, cut your losses, but do you even know if that's his problem? Maybe he knows he lacks charisma, but doesn't think he can change it. Maybe he doesn't understand why people don't seem to like him and he blames it on something he can't change, or uses his love for technology, whatever that is, as a shield to hide behind, since there's nothing he can do about it anyways. I'm not saying you have an obligation to be his mentor, but we all started from somewhere at one point.

I was that weird techie social retard in the beginning of high school. I had terrible luck with girls, and no offline friends. One of the more popular kids, who have amazing luck with girls, tons of friends, an abundance of charisma befriended me, because we shared similar technical interests, although I was more serious about them, for obvious reasons. We talked about all kinds of things, from tech, girls, music, origin of the universe, whatever. Sometimes that would include me bitching about how I could not get girls, for whatever excuse I could come up with at the moment. He gave me two of the most important gifts I'd ever receive: 1. He told me to stop being a pussy and feeling sorry for myself, and to get some balls and go out and fix my shit, instead of whining about it like a little bitch all the time. I was seriously pissed. He's my friend. Why the fuck would you treat your friend like that, and call them names, and completely refuse to empathize with them? Luckily, I had the ability to ponder on what he told me, and realize, later when I was alone, that maybe he's right. 2. He sent me a PDF of The Game. It was the first time I realized that I wasn't alone, that you didn't have to just "have it" to get anywhere in life, and it introduced me to the pickup community.

I still had a long ways to go before I actually internalized the things I was learning, instead of treating everything like a set of if this then that scenarios, but having someone offer me a hand up rather than laughing behind my back with his other more successful friends did me a huge service. You don't need to go into codependent mode or go door to door in computer science dorms around the country offering up the Good News, but when encountering people like this tech guy you mentioned, you can keep in mind that, while maybe he's lazy and unmotivated, maybe he wants to change, but is surrounded by a bunch of "be yourself...The right one will come around one day...if people don't like you, they're not good friends anyways" types.

Edit: This comment makes it look like I'm excusing people who lack charisma. @whoever's reading this If you lack charisma, and you're already at the point where you found TRP (obviously, since you're reading this), go out and fix your shit. I'm referring to people who don't even know what charisma is, let alone that there's a way they can improve and get some. The OP is right: learn how to hold a conversation.

Dildobagginsaa · 2017-03-01T12:15:05+00:00

I dont put a ton of effort into conversing with people I dont consider my intellectual equal. Maybe he thought you were just another annoying sales kid.

Mooshaq · 2017-03-01T15:05:21+00:00

There are two sides to every story bro. How do you know that he just doesn't want to talk to you? Self-confidence and thinking you're the shit is an important trait for men because it's how we derive our ego and our ability to keep pushing harder, but literally thinking that you're the shit and other people are inferior to you because they don't fit what you like/believe is silliness.

What if you're a super douchey sales guy and he's just tired of dealing with guys like you? Here you are writing a post and shitting all over this dude and trying to use him as an example, whereas it could just be that he didn't want to talk to you, wanted to do his job and be on his way. Seriously, how many metaphors and insults did you use to try and express your idea of him lacking charisma? Sounds more like you want to put him down so you can feel like you raise yourself up. That's not redpill. Acted like he was locked in a dungeon; pulling teeth; lacked an overall hunger for life; it was a brick wall; stale crackers; watching grass grow. Seems like you're letting other shit get to you way too much, or you just like shitting on other people. You made the assumption that his life is meaningless based solely on the fact that he didn't want to have a conversation with you; that's absurd.

I'll give you the other side of the coin. It sounds to me like I'm very similar to that other guy. I'm an introverted intellectual, I kicked ass in college, I'm months away from being a doctor and I've pulled plenty of girls. When I meet someone like you (or at least what you sound like), I'm usually NOT interested in having a conversation or hearing what you have to say, as I don't deem it important what people like you have to say. You're all superficial and cocky without any intellect or substance. But when I'm with people I actually want to speak with, I've got plenty of energy, enthusiasm, I show my hunger for life, and I have no problem pulling girls.

Try to consider other possibilities, especially the reverse of your scenario, before you go making big assumptions and writing posts. For example, anyone on TRP should read some feminism blogs/books so you can see the other side of the argument. By reading them you'll obviously see how batshit it is, but you at least now know from where their (incorrect and deluded) ideas are coming.

HydraBroodmaster · 2017-03-01T11:07:53+00:00

Why would you force someone to talk if you don't have something to say to them? Why pretend you care? You have your friends, they have theirs, if you are water and they are oil, how do you expect to mix? You may go for a drink once, but you won't be friends. Have uou thought that the techie guy didn't want to try? Please explain why I should care. Because I really don't.

Smurfballers · 2017-03-01T12:12:08+00:00

Maybe he didn't want to talk to you because you're a bit of a cunt. Judging a dude you barely know. You don't know what's going on in his life. Maybe he just finished plowing your mom and he chaffed his dick a bit and he got worried with the way your were coming onto him. He might have thought you were trying get a little sucking action going on so he had to be short with you. It does explain the low energy.

SpinachPrince4 · 2017-03-01T19:16:04+00:00

The dude didn't want to talk to you. Get over it.

abdada · 2017-03-01T01:43:31+00:00

I disagree with you on your last post but on this one I agree 1000% if not more.

I've been trying for 6 months since I retired to replace one last guy for the business partner who took over my old main business. I'm not technically amazing but I did enough shit that I want a technology guy to replace what I did and do more.

100% of the guys I interviewed are fucking full on autistic morons when it comes to conversation. You have to bring your tech guy with to meetings with customers, and NONE of these guys could speak clearly on ANY subject, even tech.

This can't be true 100% because I know tech dudes with TONS of charisma, plenty of Game, but they aren't going to want to work at an employee's salary even with benefits and schedule freedom.

The difference between an IT guy in a cubicle and an IT guy who owns his empire is 90% charisma and 10% nepotism, I think.

When I worked with bar businesses, I could forecast the likelihood of bankruptcy based on how little charisma the bar owner had.

pleasehelpkpopme · 2017-03-01T16:36:42+00:00

Or he didn't want to talk to you. Pretty simple. Did you think you were such hot shit that everyone is your best friend?

BigVinnyMac · 2017-03-01T16:20:04+00:00

Maybe don't be the guy who get's ignored by someone who didn't like you, who then goes and cry's about it on the internet.

sorceryofthetesticle · 2017-03-01T10:59:01+00:00

Consider yourself fortunate. It's a lot of fucking work to force surface level social interactions and seem genuinely interested and engaged. It's the most frustrating part of the pill for us autists, by a long margin. It's like, if this is about business, then let's talk business and be done with it. I hate the annoying push-pull 'jerk you off so you can jerk me off and then maybe we'll get something worthwhile done' dance.

At least with women, your body says 'hey, it feels good to hit on this chick, maybe this isn't a waste of time after all.'

cashmoney_x · 2017-03-01T13:59:31+00:00

Asking him to be like you is like asking you to be like him.

Snazzy_Serval · 2017-03-01T21:29:00+00:00

I've read through the entire thread.

Nobody has provided any tips on how to be more charismatic.

zephyrprime · 2017-03-01T15:54:48+00:00

What you say is true but if you're that uncharismatic guy, there is really nothing that you can do. As you said so yourself, his fundamental problem is that he is uninterested in life and let's be more honest - he's uninterested in talking to you. Changing that is either nearly impossible, or he doesn't want to do it. Even if he doubled his level of charisma through hard training, he would still suck. On the other hand, if the sales guy doubled his level of charisma, he would be some sort of phenomenon.

JustinDX · 2017-03-01T04:07:33+00:00

Hey! I'm not normally like that, was just high AF broseph

BlackJ1 · 2017-03-01T03:56:32+00:00

I don't know if it had anything to do with my ADHD but conversations have always been a struggle.

It doesn't come "naturally", you learn it, we all learn it. Some learn it faster, some slower, and some may never learn it throughout their whole life.

I however can say that Dale Carnegie's "How To Win Friends and Influence People" has helped me out insanely. Like nobody fucking told me any of this, I seriously had to search how to a have a conversation in a book to not sound autistic.

OP instead of ridiculing men for their lack of "charisma" how about you instead offer them advice. Next time you see him ask him if he's ever heard of Dale Carnegie or his books.

SeekerofOmniscience · 2017-03-01T07:30:23+00:00

What exactly do you mean when you say "get out of your head"

pancakemutiny · 2017-03-01T12:26:48+00:00

I am currently studying Software Development and have worked in the industry for a couple of months.

While I agree that a large amount of the people I have met are socially awkward to some extent I do feel like there is a certain factor that contributes to this a lot.

I recently switched colleges for the same course and withing a month most people knew my name, during my work placement I spoke at meetings and communicated frequently with project managers and leads.

That being said, after I spend a whole day coding I tend to stay in my head for the next evening / day. It is usually the case that my mind is preoccupied with some problem / improvement to my code. It causes a sort of brain fog when you make your brain work like this everyday.

The fact that most people in your class are awkward as well does not contribute well to the development of your social skills.

butter_coffee · 2017-03-01T09:14:28+00:00

Oh god, you have no idea how relevant this is right now. This guy who is 25 I added off a forum- talking with him is like pulling teeth. I was surprised we used the same simile. There are a few things I generalize about someone like this:

They are self centered; not in charismatic narcissist way (at least they have enthusiasm and interest!) but in a "I don't care if you are enjoying this conversation" way, I'm going to take this convo wherever I want it to go; aka stick to a topic only they care about, push an issue beyond what you're comfortable with, refuse or ignore body language.
They're "victims" and refuse to change. "I've always been an introvert" "I'm just shy" "my life really is boring" and the unspoken "you can't learn charisma so I just won't try" also I feel like social anxiety is a myth, the more you do something the less anxiety you will get about it. Social anxiety is kind of a cop out imo for making others uncomfortable.
Their words are worthless. the one who speaks more has less power. Usually they do cringey shit and makes things more awkward.
Disdain for humanity. You SHOULD WANT TO learn how to get along with people, and not isolate yourself and make them uncomfortable. You should learn about the unspoken code of conduct and values in our culture, instead of taking the conversation where you want it to go.

I told him he's 25 (5 years older than me) he should not be this cringey (he should have had the time to practice and learn charisma)

dudeguymanthesecond · 2017-03-02T14:45:25+00:00

TL;DR OP isn't charismatic.

yummyluckycharms · 2017-03-01T15:30:55+00:00

You'll find that many millennials rank just above autistic children when it comes to conversation skills.

Title	Have you ever noticed how terrible conversations go with those who lack charisma? Yeah, don't be that guy.
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	176
Comments	65
Date	March 1, 2017 1:39 AM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/5ws6kf/have_you_ever_noticed_how_terrible_conversations/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/have-you-ever-noticed-how-terrible-conversations.41318 https://theredarchive.com/post/41318

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