How to keep frame when talking to boss?

Bonjourbonjourreturn · 2020-12-04T18:27:16+00:00

Question: how do you deal with surprised scenarios, in which the other person makes use of his/her superior knowledge to steal your frame?

Be honest and say you did not think about this specific question. Ask him if he needs this answer the same day. If not it is like implying he asked a question for nothing, if he needs the answer you will look it up and give the answer at the end of the day.

The most important imo is not feeling at fault and giving the impression you are at fault.

davout-bc · 2020-12-04T18:21:44+00:00

Why does not knowing something throw you off your feet?

globhobdobbler · 2020-12-04T18:28:39+00:00

As a fellow cyber guy, what I've learned is "I'm not sure, but I'll look into it more and get back to you" goes a very long way. There's nothing wrong with not knowing everything, especially in our field, but being able to find the answer is sufficient enough in most cases.

inkwind · 2020-12-04T18:29:51+00:00

Start your answer with a silence. Slow down, take your time to think.

Notice that in that moment: you aren't working for the cto. You are working WITH the cto to solve the problem.

When he tries to throw you off, increase the duration of your silences. It takes balls to not say anything. And it's fine to not know things. It's not fine to say anything when you don't know things.

Next time, ask in the asktrp subreddit.

Domebeers · 2020-12-04T18:56:46+00:00

There's a chapter in the Game called "I AM A SOCIAL ROBOT", I'd suggest you give that a gander. Not everything is a frame battle, and you don't want to win all frame battles.

Other than that, you're sorta describing getting AMOG'ed, so google "AMOG Destroyers"

In particular, if you are trying to avoid working for free, ask the CTO to please give you all requests for extra hours in writing. You then forward those requests to HR and ask them, very innocently, how you will be compensated for these extra hours. CC the CTO on the email.

alikebabay · 2020-12-04T19:05:25+00:00

I think bunch of you guys misunderstood the post. What I clearly see here is a boss who is trying to make op look unknowledgebale and dumb so as to use it as a leverage to force him to work more, make him look bad in front of his superiors. This does fall under social skills, however I would also like to know the answer.

4everrekt · 2020-12-04T18:38:42+00:00

Focus on what’s productive, steer the conversation back towards that when there’s deviation.

Also, what you may see as manipulative can also be considered traits of a good leader. A good leader challenges and gets the best out of their subordinates. It may be uncomfortable, but as CTO, if the bottom line is negatively affected, it’ll be much more uncomfortable telling a bunch of people they won’t be able to feed their families after the company goes though layoffs.

Another thing: it’s always ez to maintain frame when you’re in control, there is no value there. A true test of character is how you react when you’re not and you know you’re not. When you get in these situations, you fold. Say you’re being looked at for leadership potential, how will you lead a team through difficult times, when everyone under you is uncertain of their future and panicking, if you can’t handle saying, “I’m not sure, do you mind explaining,” to someone you work with?

karlthorssen · 2020-12-04T19:27:40+00:00

Doing this as a software engineer is easy mode. You are in high demand and he knows this very well. He will have a much harder time finding another engineer than you will have finding another job. Honestly you probably should just do that, find a non-asshole to work for.

You should internalize that it's ok to say "I don't know". As you say there's more to software than any one person can keep up with, and everybody know that.

Don't let him keep you after closing time. Just say "no" and leave. Say "I have dinner plans" and decline to elaborate. Just walk out of the office at closing time and see if his attitude toward you doesn't start to improve.

Also - is he like this only toward you, or your colleagues as well? Talk to them about it and ask what they do.

2020-12-04T18:44:11+00:00

First off... relax. Sit back in your chair, maybe cross your legs with one foot on the other knee, or at least sit back comfortably with your hands folded in your lap. Act like you own the place without being arrogant. Know going in that he might ambush you so that it doesn't surprise you. If he does ambush you then politely smile and say something like, "that's a great question. I don't have the answer off-hand. But, let me look into it and get back to you."

DareyFathom · 2020-12-04T19:02:56+00:00

I'm confused as to why he is asking questions regarding topics outside of your job. If a supervisor asked that of me, I'd refer them to the person/office that handles that. Particularly in IT where it is impossible for any individual person to have all the answers.

strawsoaker775 · 2020-12-04T19:26:31+00:00

Get a specialization and focus only on it, if you make the right choice that is all you need until retirement.

R9-295x2-x2 · 2020-12-04T19:01:03+00:00

Sounds like the root of this is being humbled. You need to be humbled and realize that you're not going to know everything "I know that I know nothing" - Plato.

Your boss and his ego can't get the upper hand here if you realize that everyone is always learning and that your boss is acting like a scared child. They're clearly threatened by you. But don't let that get to your ego, because it's your ego that's taking a beating.

Try this: ask, express genuine interest in what you don't understand and seek to learn.

In a work/team environment you all should be working toward a common goal/objective. Approach these situations from that angle.

Sake99 · 2020-12-04T18:37:18+00:00

As your fellow redpiller who is mechanical engineer, should I switch to tech or go to MBA, I know I'm asking question but i'll be helpful if you could answere this one for me.

Besdies, I'd also say like others you don't have to know everything but saying you can prepare if needed for the job.

Title	How to keep frame when talking to boss?
Author	nightless_hunter
Upvotes	35
Comments	35
Date	December 4, 2020 6:13 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/k6q8az/how_to_keep_frame_when_talking_to_boss/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/how-to-keep-frame-when-talking-to-boss.328727 https://theredarchive.com/post/328727

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