Hypergamy wife... betrue2thyself May 15, 2018 46 upvotes /r/TheRedPill [removed]","selftext_html":"[removed] ","send_replies":true,"spoiler":false,"stickied":false, Comments [–]DeontologicalSanders49 points50 points51 points 8 years ago (11 children) | Copy LinkWorth pointing out that you have no reason to wait to end things. Whatever entertainment/"enlightenment" you gain by sticking around to see how this plays out will in the end be more costly to you than having some self-respect and just cutting ties. Her infidelity may have been, and in all likelihood was, rooted in BP behaviors you were displaying, but that absolutely does not serve as an excuse for her betrayal. The optimal course of action here is to consolidate physical, admissible evidence of her infidelity, and then let all further direct contact between you and her be handled by your lawyer and/or the court system. She has made her bed; let her sleep in it alone. [–]betrue2thyself5 points6 points7 points 8 years ago (10 children) | Copy LinkBased on what I’ve read, I agree that my BP behavior contributed. I suspect though that she’s most likely always had side-dudes. I was so completely into her at one time. The whole social programming was deeply ingrained in me; that’s changed now. We have a child together. So I am being cautious in regards to that situation. [–]DeontologicalSanders22 points23 points24 points 8 years ago (4 children) | Copy LinkYour children will be better off down the line knowing that their father was willing to make a difficult decision and excise a profoundly negative influence in his life, than if you simply remained, play-acting as the supplicating family man/provider to a woman whom they will eventually and in one way or another discover had zero respect for you (which she displayed openly by cheating on you). Your children may hate you at first for leaving her; that should be no surprise to you. But the court system and custody hearings look more favorably upon men who are on the sharp end of the infidelity stick. And eventually, when they are older and can handle the truth, you can let them understand why you did what you had to do. As a man, it is your job to handle the pain of cutting ties on someone who betrayed you, and the resentment this will inevitably cause in your children. Bear this burden not just for yourself, but for your loved ones, because you can take it and they cannot. Be the hero Gotham deserves. [–]betrue2thyself5 points6 points7 points 8 years ago (2 children) | Copy LinkThanks, that’s solid advise. [–]BewareTheOldMan2 points3 points4 points 8 years ago (1 child) | Copy LinkIn honor of the Gotham reference to the DC Universe, I offer the Marvel Universe, and then your situation...the Hypergamy Universe. In all seriousness - I went through the same scenario with an ex-girlfriend (this was a post-divorce relationship) so the breakup was not tragic, but my divorce cost into the thousands. I am unaware of any infidelity regarding my wife (as she notoriously hated...as she called them "sluts and whores," but that might have been a smokescreen), but the behavior from BOTH the ex-wife and the ex-girlfriend were CLEARLY described in "The Rational Male." It was one of the books I picked up when trying to determine how and why despite being the classic "Nice Guy," and good husband-father archetype what in Blue Blazes motivated women to treat men so badly? My BP Conditioning was strong and TRM and similar books - along with TRP help "set me free" from the BP Matrix. Good luck, be very strategic and Sun Tzu-like in your approach, and ensure you demonstrate to your son how a Real Man handles his life (post-divorce) relating incidents of infidelity in a marriage. It sucks that your wife's infidelity is the epiphany moment in the relationship, but you will be a better and more aware man for this experience. [–]betrue2thyself0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy LinkThanks. It’s a bad situation that will get worse. Sorry that you had to go through this too. However, I’d rather go through this and learn to unplug myself from the matrix than to be stuck in its turmoil. [–]315skwot 3 points4 points5 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy LinkMan, this is some hard shit you are laying out. As a word of advice(the irony), people don't take advice unless they are explicity looking for it. It however has helped me understand how people justify it and do so positively. I'm severely BPd so divorce wasn't part of my understanding so it's eye opening when people describe it. [–]OracleofFl0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy LinkGo visit a lawyer to understand what is going to happen next and to be prepared for it. [–]TheNathanW230 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy LinkIn the Rational Male its even of the Iron Rule's to start new rather than hang around whats not working. Just walk lightly and get the fuck out asap [–]laylowwww0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (1 child) | Copy LinkBottom line; you're a cuck, loser and weak-willed if you stick with a woman who was fucking multiple other men while you were married to her. You're probably hurt and in shock, cut the cord immediately and start to heal and work on yourself. [–]betrue2thyself0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy LinkFirst, I’m definitely not weak-willed or a loser. I’ve had a lot of success in my life. She made a choice, I was fooled and am rectifying the situation by leaving under my own terms. [–]Herdsengineers17 points18 points19 points 8 years ago (1 child) | Copy LinkOP - I'm a divorced father myself. Caught ex-wife cheating. I could have written your post. I screwed up so many things in the aftermath of discovering her infidelity. You sound like you are doing better than I did in the aftermath (wish TRP had been around for me in 2007). Just be smart, and set yourself up to move on in the aftermath of divorce as easy as possible. Biggest issues are custody and division of assets/debt. I always recommend men pay off every bit of debt before the case is filed, or as much as they can. Use marital assets. That way the assets go to something that benefits you, you don't get stuck with debt, she doesn't get to walk with the money, and the lawyers don't get to soak it all up either. Make sure your lawyer is willing to fight and not just go along with whatever your locality's divorce standard customs are. They'll try to ram it down your throat in the spirit of "cooperation". It's really just a way to move you through the system and set you up to keep paying for a long time after. Don't fall for it. [–]betrue2thyself7 points8 points9 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy LinkMy lawyer was recommended by a friend who went through a nightmare divorce. I trust him and he has custody of his kid too. All boxes checked as far as I’m concerned. I appreciate the advise and info. [–]GreatGoldSphinx13 points14 points15 points 8 years ago (4 children) | Copy LinkOne of the things that infuriates men when discovering TRP is how absolutely shameless and deceitful a woman can be, while often getting a free pass. Glad you were able to find the truth. She can separate her relationships because her principles change from day to day. Its a shocking thing for level-headed men to realize, but congratulations. You now know. So take away what you do for her and exit as fast as you can. Find new, younger options. [–]betrue2thyself2 points3 points4 points 8 years ago (3 children) | Copy LinkIt really is an awakening to see it happening. I’m being very pragmatic and doing what’s necessary. Doing my best to be a rational male, pun intended. [–]subthrowaway321-1 points0 points1 point 8 years ago (2 children) | Copy LinkPragmatic would be leaving immediately. Not, hanging on for 2-3 more months. Get a lawyer. Kick her ass to the curb. Enjoy life again. [–]harry_lawson-1 points0 points1 point 8 years ago (1 child) | Copy LinkAs if it ever goes that smoothly. [–]subthrowaway321-2 points-1 points0 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy LinkIt does all the time.... The problem is when the guy drags his feet to do anything about it. Then, she beats you to the punch in getting the divorce started. Which, is a huge advantage. 9 times out of 10, that shit can be avoided if the guy would simply stop holding on to the idea of the marriage working out. [–]Dmva100 1 points1 points1 points 8 years ago [recovered] | Copy LinkTake her on a trip to Europe, get blackout drunk, then steal her passport and cellphone and skip town back to the USA. See how long it'll take for her to fuck and suck her way home. [–]juju5153 points4 points5 points 8 years ago (1 child) | Copy Linksorry to hear that... must be tough... but you'r lucky to have TRP... it helps massively... did you talk to the lawyer jet? [–]betrue2thyself2 points3 points4 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy LinkThanks. I’m realistic and not too stressed. Acceptance is a powerful thing. Yes, I’ve talked to a lawyer. [–]Morphs_2 points3 points4 points 8 years ago (2 children) | Copy LinkSucks man, I guess this is the hard wakeup call into RP-land. Just two questions because I'm curious. During your marriage, have you ever had sex with another woman? And if not, are you planning on that now before a divorce? [–]betrue2thyself0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (1 child) | Copy LinkIt sucks for my child. I will be fine. No, when I commit to someone it’s all or nothing. Before we were together I was seeing a few women at a time. My plan is to refocus on myself and my interests, business and otherwise. In my prior single life woman approached me more than I chased them. My mindset back then was not looking for anything serious. So if it happens then so be it. Sex is not my priority. [–]__ROOSTER__2 points3 points4 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy LinkIt won't suck for your child if you get majority custody. Men raise great kids and great adults. [–]letssee2111221 point2 points3 points 8 years ago (1 child) | Copy LinkIt is going to be all right. Just be strong, collect evidence and plan an exit strategy with the lawyer. Whatever happens, it will get better after a point. And you should consider telling your wife's friend's husband about her infidelity. If not immediately then at least after your divorce has been finalized. [–]betrue2thyself5 points6 points7 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy LinkYeah that’s something I’m weighing. I’m considering using it as leverage to get what I want out of this situation, machveiallian style. I’m going to let me lawyer guide me through this aspect. Last thing I need is to get into someone else’s BS. [–]AmatureProgrammer1 point2 points3 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy LinkDamn dude. Updates us please and save your shitty wife's friend husband while your at it [–]comcain1 point2 points3 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy LinkI feel for ya, man. You sound pretty together and have a lawyer. Document, document. If she's still playing around then video document. Build a case file. I wish you luck. [–]ThatOneDrunkUncle0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (3 children) | Copy LinkHow did you find out? And what actions did you observe that validate "actions speak louder than words"? [–]betrue2thyself1 point2 points3 points 8 years ago (2 children) | Copy LinkInitially, just behaviors that were off. Then I discovered patterns in phone records. I used some outside means to gather the conclusive evidence. [–]Self-honest0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (1 child) | Copy LinkAnd how long did it take you to believe it/convince yourself that you weren't wrong? [–]betrue2thyself0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy LinkThat’s a great question. I’m still working on it. It’s takes hard indisputable evidence to convince others. My goal is legal and with regard to my child. Shame and guilt for the soon-to-be-ex are tools to use against her when the time is right. You can only use that with hard evidence though. You can not argue with what is true. [–]TheDevilsAdvokaat0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link"Anyway, she’s spinning this dude so much that he’s confessed that he would leave his woman for her even if it take decades" This is interesting. I immediately wondered if this is her next husband; IE if you ever divorce her she's got this poor sap picked out as her next sucker... [–]V-Vanguard0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (2 children) | Copy LinkCan we have a follow up when you're done with her? [–]betrue2thyself1 point2 points3 points 8 years ago (1 child) | Copy LinkYes. I will follow up as things happen. I’m assuming that it’s okay to do that here. [–]V-Vanguard1 point2 points3 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy LinkThanks and I hope for the best for you [–]A_Pale_H_o_r_s_e 1 points1 points1 points 8 years ago [recovered] | Copy LinkPack up your shit, including your balls. The fuck? As soon as I would have found out I would have been out. This is the reason why you got played, you're too soft. I know it sucks and it's painful but use that anger to your advantage and get the fuck outta there. [–]betrue2thyself17 points18 points19 points 8 years ago (9 children) | Copy LinkYeah, it’s not so simple when kids are involved. I have to protect myself. If it were just me, that’s exactly what I would have done. It takes big balls to stay cool and deal with the situation to gain leverage. The court systems are not fair to Fathers; that’s a reality that men need to understand before they jump into an LTR and having kids. [–]markinsinz74 points5 points6 points 8 years ago (1 child) | Copy LinkHey good on u man don't listen to these fools saying pack ur shit n gtfo asap. That's not how the game works what game? The game of family law courts. To come out ahead in the divorce, custody and future payment proceedings you need to play so fuckin strategic you will have to be extremely careful n deliberate. For now you'll have to stay the beta whilst u collect evidence. There's many detailed thorough posts on these things on trp. Do some research but the gist of it is: Be offensive on ur exit. Think like ur aiming for 75% custody such that u get 50% custody. The moment ur lawyer says let's be fair, dump his ass it means all his clients lose most of the time or compromise way more than they want to. Get a shark but they r expensive n hard to find. Consult atleast the top 5 in your city/town. She will take things away from u just out of spite not because she wants them so play the machieveillian, don't show what u really care about. Ofcourse fight for ur kid but do so very robotically. DOCUMENT EVERYTHING preferably videos,TIMESTAMPS, RECEIPTS for her midnight adventures. Do whatever it takes to show she's incompetent of takin care of ur kid. NOW she might be a good mother but don't doubt for 1 second she won't do the same shit to you. You'll have to judge for urself how dirty u want to play. Do KNOW u ain't seen the worst of your wife yet. You may think this poster is full of hate but I'm a single 27yr old never married dude who has read countless stories of angels turning into monsters and the weak men who never see it coming. We all have 2 wolves in us remember, good luck. [–]betrue2thyself2 points3 points4 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy LinkThat’s what I’m doing. For exactly that reason. She’s the enemy in my eyes and I’m doing what’s necessary to win this war. Intelligence wins wars. [–]irishphilosopher0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago* (2 children) | Copy LinkA very strong and objective perspective to take in an extremely subjectively harmful situation. Intelligent, cunning with just the right amount of spite. Nothing less than a snake deserves; scheme in the shadows until you are ready to let her suffer in the light of day. Much respect. [–]betrue2thyself1 point2 points3 points 8 years ago (1 child) | Copy LinkI appreciate that! Truthfully, I’m trying to minimize the damage this will have on my child. Being a good Father is more important to me. [–]irishphilosopher-1 points0 points1 point 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy LinkAbsolutely right. I wish you all the best. [–]A_Pale_H_o_r_s_e 1 points1 points1 points 8 years ago [recovered] | Copy LinkDamn dude that's so rough I can't imagine. Maybe you can plant crack or something on her so you can keep the kids. Build a case that she's insane before you bring it up? Maybe you can look for support groups cause it sounds like you have a world of hurt waiting for you. Stay strong. [–]Moir53-1 points0 points1 point 8 years ago (1 child) | Copy LinkThis is some funny shit. Do not plant crack, folks. [–]The__Tren__Train-2 points-1 points0 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link The court systems are not fair to Fathers; that’s a reality that men need to understand before they jump into an LTR and having kids. im sure you knew this going in... so why the fuck did you get married in the first place? [–]__ROOSTER__0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy LinkBS, play long game and exit in a manner that is strategically sound and has long term benefit. Play her and win the divorce soundly. Anyway, she is the one who should be "out" there is nothing more lacking in balls than leaving your own house. [–]Gadnuk_0 points 8 years ago [recovered] | Copy LinkIn principal I agree but in practice it could be better to wait. While her guard is down he can more readily secure the proof he needs of her infidelity to utilize during divorce proceedings. If he packs his shit and storms out she'll no doubt begin to destroy evidence and/or more actively shield herself from responsibility. [–]alphasquatch50 1 points1 points1 points 8 years ago [recovered] | Copy LinkI would drive off into the distance and never look back and would want no part of my kids because they also carried her DNA ...scorched earth motherfucker. I know this is going to be down-voted into oblivion, but my son is 23 and if I found out that my wife cheated, I would pretend that my relationship with her and everything that came along with it... never ... fucking ...happened. [–]_zerdo0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy LinkYour son is not to blame for his parents mistakes. 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