TL/DR: Assert your dominance in the bedroom. If you're like me leaving a life of insecurity, the idea of choking, spanking, etc in the bedroom can seem disrespectful or take you as surprise. You gotta fuck the shit out of her though. Wrap your hands around her neck, push her down on the bed, and show her a side of passion that's less romantic and more animalistic.

Here's my story in reaching this conclusion:

In the past two years, I have gone from being insecure in my relationship with my now ex-wife to nearly a sense of arrogance over the number of women I've been with. I've gone from feeling like I'd forever be alone to nutting on a woman's face, tossing her a towel, and leaving her in bed naked yelling "where are you going?" and never hearing from me again.

You would think that would be enough to cause a woman to be disgusted and yet I woke up the next morning to so many messages alternating between how badly she wanted to see me again and absolute anger that I was ignoring her (I was asleep) that I decided the red flags weren't even worth a response.

And that's why I no longer "make love" to women. I fuck the shit out of them.

I respect them and treat them well, but I absolutely shove their heads into the pillow when their face is down and their ass is up.

It's like a switch flips in their brain.

And you might think maybe that's just this one girl I was with, but my anecdotal evidence suggests that if you want to keep a woman invested in you and coming back for more, how you handle yourself (or herself rather) in the bedroom plays a key role.

My plan with her was to just leave her on 'read' and block her stage 5 clinger ass on everything...except Venmo apparently. At some point, while exhausting all her options to get in touch with me to no avail, she realized she had sent me money on there a while back and proceeded to comment on the transaction with how badly she wanted me to throw her on the bed.

And then something she wrote struck me: "I like that you're genuinely a good guy, but that you fuck me like we're toxic."

Although I had sort of figured it out without even realizing it, for some reason those words sort of clicked in my head. That was the missing component in so many of my prior relationships right after my divorce. Suddenly there was a light bulb moment where I started to understand that to a certain degree that was why I was divorced (among other reasons), but ultimately that for a period of time even after I was becoming more masculine and confident out in public, I was still lacking a certain trait in the bedroom that was failing to really hook women in.

Let's take a step back though.

I met my ex-wife in high school and we were together for 14 years. We were virgins to each other - d'awww. When we divorced, I thought it was the absolute worst thing that could ever happen to me. Depressed and arguably questioning the value of my life, I was certain I'd never find love again. Turns out, that was the defining break up I needed. It was sort of incredible how confident I was able to become once I picked myself up and allowed myself to be selfish for once.

I learned I'm a high-value man in a world of desperate, single women in their 30s.

This is an entirely new mindset than I've ever had before. Listen, I want to get married again and find a forever love that'll wipe my ass, make me sandwiches, and still suck my dick at 75 years old, but I have a whole new perspective on dating from a point of confidence. I'm not going to marry the person I can, I'm going to marry the person I want. It's an incredibly liberating feeling that I'm in a position for women to reach to be with me rather than the other way around.

I mean, I still punch above my weight class on occasion from a long term relationship standpoint, as some of the real stunners know their worth is still someone above my current socioeconomic status. That said, I'm secure in my options though and that's really very new to me relative to my age and where I was at mentally not long ago. I never really transitioned out of being a quintessential "niceguy" when I met my ex-wife in high school because nothing ever happened to me that pushed me to require it. I wouldn't say I was a white knight, but I was just the guy that consistently heard "you're amazing" but never actually "got it in" with anybody telling me how amazing I was. When the first girl that showed interest in me came along, I clung to that out of desperation. I was oblivious to how I was being used and too insecure to kick her to the curb when I should have early on.

Her infidelity was inexcusable, but ultimately, she was looking elsewhere for the same reasons I would continue losing women early on my dating life post-divorce. I was "making love" to my ex-wife while other guys were fucking her.

I wasn't doing anything in the bedroom that made her feel like she was powerless against me. Sure, hopeless romantic shit is cool for Valentine's Day and my ex-wife appreciated soft, romantic sessions of coitus, but I never really tapped into her circuits that made her feel submissive to me in the bedroom - and that would make its way outside the bedroom where she would disrespect me by fucking other guys that were able to tap into those emotions of her wanting to feel overpowered. I think in that feeling of being overpowered in the bedroom, she was able to make the idea of being protected outside of it tangible.

Once I realized I actually was a high-value male and started getting numerous Tinder matches, I quickly found myself in bed with my first rebound. I remember she looked at me and said "do whatever the fuck you want to me".

And it kind of blew my mind.

I mean, I didn't think a whole lot of it in that moment, but I remember the next morning I woke up beside her for breakfast she said: "last night was fun, but you don't have to be so gentle".

I ended up breaking up with her because women started DMing me. That's unheard of right?!

And yet, there I was accepting friend requests and DMs from women. I started sort reconsidering if I was settling into the rebound when clearly I was capable of pulling other women and potentially casually dating multiple at the same time. Let me tell you, rejecting a woman is an incredibly powerful moment also.

The next girl I dated was incredibly gorgeous and we hit it off like crazy. But I remember one night as we had had sex, she looked at me and whispered "choke me". I was absolutely taken aback. This girl was gorgeous - like model fucking gorgeous. The type that you think will just lay there while you hump and she's literally asking me to treat her like she's a cum slut.

I couldn't wrap my head around that.

And that's why we fizzled out. I lost an incredibly gorgeous girlfriend because I was too nice to be dominant to her in bed. For some reason, despite watching guys doing that in porn and wanting to do it to her, I just couldn't bring myself to see it as anything other than disrespectful.

The girl after her was a very similar situation. I literally had my penis inside her vagina when she looked at me and said "you're just so nice". And we fizzled out, too.

My next girlfriend after her dated me for quite a while. She was like 5'-2", 100 pounds and super innocent and cute. I actually broke up with her because I wasn't really into having 5 kids between us, but on one occasion we were talking and she said: "so, I like to get a little freaky and I never really realized I liked getting my ass spanked until I hooked up with a guy and he did it without asking".

Eventually, the gears would finally start rolling and I began to piece the missing link in. Women were literally spelling it out for me.

It had nothing to do with my penis size. Nothing to do with my oral skills. Nothing to do with how I looked. Nothing to do with my personality at all. Nothing to do with my income.

Finally, I was able to read between the lines. It wasn't that I was bad at sex, I was just too inadvertently submissive. I required "too much" consent and not enough proactiveness about it.

High-value, attractive women can have it all. They weren't settling when they dated me. They weren't settling when they decided to hop into bed with me. But I was failing to assert my dominance in the bedroom and that was a settling aspect to the relationship for them.

What these women wanted was income, personality, looks, and a good fuck. This is why 50 Shades of Grey, 365 Days, and similar entertainmrnt have such mainstream media appeal for women.

Eventually, I would start to slowly become a little more aggressive. I'd end up hooking up with some mature people that communicated and taught me things.

What I found that helped me get there was to gradually push myself to be more firm with my hands. I began by just grabbing ass with a little more intensity and eventually, one day I just took a slap...and that bitch loved it!

I can't say for certain all girls are going to appreciate having their hair pulled, a good spank, or feeling your hands around their neck (consent is important), but from my personal experience over the last couple of years and multiple "entanglements", to quote Tenacious D, "you don't always have to fuck her hard, sometimes that's just not right to do, sometimes you got to make some love and give her some fucking smooches to"

...but the vast majority of the time you should fuck her brains out and assert your masculine dominance in the bedroom.