Is this a shit test, or a valid need? (or mixture)

projectself · 2013-07-26T20:14:00+00:00

yes, shit test.

Her: "you want me to let you go?"

Me: "yup"

Her: ...sumpin..

Me: "Okay I'll stay on the phone"

and that is where you failed it.

mrust · 2013-07-26T20:02:29+00:00

This is a shit test. Keep in mind that shit tests are not necessarily concious, and her initial reason for calling you may have been legitimate.

However, the legitimate reason for being on the phone with you is to reassure her that the cabbie knows she is not completely isolated. There is no legitimate reason for why you have to keep up your end of the conversation.

The fact that she says "okay, i can let you go" means she wasn't even scarred of anything happening.

You were better off saying: "oh you woke me up.. tell me about your night so that I can fall asleep to the sound of your voice.".. Then just put the phone down and go to sleep. Also a nice neg since you might be insinuating her story is going to be boring, but of course you are saying it in a sweet way.

[deleted] · 2013-07-26T19:57:32+00:00

She's not asking you to support her needs, she's asking you to support her bad decisions. If she was scared and alone in a cab at 3AM, then that's a result of her doing stupid shit; the whole situation was avoidable with better planning.

Good relationships involve mutually beneficial interactions. She has no right to demand that you support her needs (company) at the expense of your needs (a good night's sleep).

I expect the people in my life to be competent at handling their own shit and respectful of both parties' needs. If you're waking me up in the middle of the night for any reason that doesn't involve vehicles with lights on top, you're failing at both.

How do you discern between shit tests and actual support of your partner's needs?

Ask yourself "would a guy friend ever ask me this, and how would I react if he did?" If the answer isn't "a dude could totally get into this situation and I would definitely help him out", hang up the phone and silence the ringer.

[deleted] · 2013-07-26T23:03:56+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Veritisia · 2013-07-26T21:14:59+00:00

If I had a penny for every conversation I had like that in my last LDR, I'd be a millionaire.

That isn't necessarily a shit test in the sense that she needs to be convinced that she wants to be in a relationship with you. Also, you can never pass it: you either rightly ignore her unreasonable requests and incessantly get called out for it or bend to her will and be thought of as a beta.

It's more of an example of solipsism, where her and only her needs need to be met. You need to be wide awake at all hours of the night just for little ol' drunk me, your productivity at work tomorrow be damned. If you don't meet each and every unreasonable need she has, you're obviously a terrible, terrible man regardless of all the wonderful things she said about you a second ago. Argue that same point back to her and be prepared for hamstergeddon.

From my experience, be VERY careful with women like this, especially if it fits a pattern of behavior. You can't logic your way out of these situations, nor can you placate the hamster with nice gifts.

lazlounderhill · 2013-07-26T21:54:15+00:00

The only valid need is food, shelter, oxygen, and water - anything beyond that is overstating the matter.

[deleted] · 2013-07-26T22:48:00+00:00

Her: "I know I'm a brat."

Spanking times, right there. That's what I'd do.

Kronos6948 · 2013-07-26T23:24:49+00:00

You're more patient than I am. I wouldn't have even answered the phone.

mordanus · 2013-07-26T23:41:40+00:00

If you care about her and want your relationship to succeed you will sit her down and let her know that this shit doesn't fly. If she can't see that she is in the wrong at this stage of your relationship then you are going to have a real shit of a time later on.

RedHonest · 2013-07-27T04:38:51+00:00

I agree with the consensus here: Yeah, you lost frame, failed a shit test by treating her like a princess. Not a big deal though since you're in a six month relationship with her.

Your thoughts here are all right. Yeah, you care about her, and when you were satisfied that she was safe, you should have just got off the phone and told her that you'd see her later.

Just remember that you are the one who should be setting the frame, not her. Her guilt trip doesn't make sense, you know it doesn't make sense, so why are you continuing to indulger her? Don't let her mess with your sense of reality. Everything you say is right, the only reason you are questioning yourself is because of her feelings. That's where you fail.

[deleted] · 2013-07-27T08:21:49+00:00

I don't think there was any genuine support provided there. She was in a cab, so safe. If she gets scared when drunk late at night, she shouldn't get so drunk. I would make this very clear to her.

zionCisabitchass · 2013-07-27T17:01:24+00:00

Background: in a six month relationship, living in a major city, I'm currently out of town.

Go to bed at 11AM. Phone rings at 2AM. Girlfriend is drunk in a cab having just left a party. I'm totally out of it, she's blabbering on at 20 words a second and I'm silent. Finally:

Her: "oh, did I wake you?"

Me: "yup"

Her: "you want me to let you go?"

Her: "yup"

Her: sighing deeply "That's not what I wanted to hear."

Now I do understand she's scared at night when she's drunk and alone, which makes me realize that she just wants me to stay on the phone with her until she's home, which is reasonable. I do care about her.

Should have hit her with something like

If you're scared, just tell me.

It serves as a qualifier, and you find out if she's worried or just shit-testing.

kingoftheheap · 2013-07-27T14:34:46+00:00

I put my phone on silent or airplane mode every night because u don't want to be woken up. A girl I dated 2 years ago left my place late and we texted back and forth for a while when I told her I was going to bed. Boom silent mode.

I had several missed calls and upset text messages the next morning because she was scared that "someone was following her" just because he was walking the same direction she was out of the train station. I told her getting on your phone is the wrong thing to do in this situation anyway because it is a distraction. She didn't like it but I didn't budge and to be honest I think I was the first guy to ever stand up to her because she had hot girl syndrome.

rebuildingMyself · 2013-07-27T00:39:54+00:00

I wouldn't approve of my gf going out and getting hammered without me in the first place.

That being said, I'd make sure she was safe before worrying about shit tests and what's alpha or not. Once she's home safe, then lay down the law. Think of a father bailing his daughter out of a bad situation, then discussing it in the car after.

Title	Is this a shit test, or a valid need? (or mixture)
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	14
Comments	25
Date	July 26, 2013 7:45 PM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/1j482p/is_this_a_shit_test_or_a_valid_need_or_mixture/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/is-this-a-shit-test-or-a-valid-need-or-mixture.5879 https://theredarchive.com/post/5879

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