Top post on asktrp right now is "Bartenders/ex-Bartenders: what works and what have you seen?" Would /u mention op but his name is ten kinds of fucked up.

This is a great ask, because you see anything and everything behind the bar, and it's a place people go to meet strangers. Here are a few things I learned doing it in my early 20s in NYC....

The Setting

Casual sit-down restaurant by day, average a $75-90 tab for 2 to give you a price range. James Beard award winner, so it brought a mixed crowd during the day. Right around the corner was the main city university (NYU) and a law school, so the 21-28 crowd was our mainstay at night.

We had a sick happy hour, so we'd get lots of pre-date, post-work, and pregame action at the bar. We closed around 1am usually, so I got to see millions of closes, fails, and everything in between.

I would be solo behind the bar except Friday and Saturday night, when I'd get paired with one of our uber hotties. The bar could seat about 24 (fixed stools) so it was pretty big and we'd pack 3-4 deep on the regular. We'd pull the high chairs off all the 6 front tables to let people mosey around that area after 9pm.

The Most Important Lessons

  • AMBIENCE: Even if you're not a regular, always get a little banter going with the staff first

Obviously, if they know you it's free social proof. If they don't, ask THEM about something more than what to order. This loosens you up, gets your "be interesting" muscle going with no pressure, and if you click with the bartender boom free social proof.

I don't care if it's 1am at a strip club, I always reciprocated to the people who made an effort to learn something about me UNLESS they were incredibly weird or obnoxious.

  • APPEARANCE: Look different, or fit your stereotype well

There are 10-50 other dudes at any given bar looking to socialize. Your appearance is not just your first impression - it's an open or closed door when she checks you out.

Your look should either be a conversation starter by itself, or you should fit your archetype. That means if you look like a frat bro, embrace it. Plenty of girls into "that guy". I wore bright yellow sunglasses in a Miami bar at 1am once and immediately started hitting on the first girl who said I looked like a douche. Get the drift?

Point is - don't be average, and definitely don't look boring. No girl ever said, "It was really his business casual that got me wet".

  • APPROACHING: Immediately respond to IoIs if it's loud, otherwise pick targets carefully. If you wear out the venue, get your ass somewhere else

Most failed approaches are....the ones that didn't happen! If you lock eyes with a girl and she doesn't look away or she smiles, go say hi. Right now. That's a hard and fast rule, but especially so at LOUD places like clubs. High traffic high volume places are where you can make 10-20 approaches no problem.

At bars, where the setting is more intimate, pick your targets. You only get a few approaches at smaller venues before you are labeled The Dude Ready To Fuck Anything by the girls (who are all watching you btw). If you bust 2-3 times, just finish your drink and peace out.

Tips and Tricks

I HATE giving this type of advice on TRP, but there are some quick hits here that put you at a disadvantage if you don't know them. In no specific order:

  1. Approaches succeed or fail in the first 20-30 seconds. Eject gracefully if it's not working, and don't double down EVER.

  2. Use girl groups to open solo girls and groups too large to open. I would see the dudes who "get it" open and friend or brozone a set of 2-3 girls then use their preselection to drag in his actual targets. I now do this.

  3. Getting a pipeline of 9s and 10s is done through other 9s and 10s. Unicorn hunting happens via social circle, not online.

  4. Hold your drink in your left hand about waist height. Too high and your posture screams "don't talk to me". Keep that other hand free for handshakes, hugs, and gesticulation.

  5. Hold eye contact until she looks away or smiles. If she looks shy/embarrassed or smiles/giggles to her friends when she looks away, that's an IoI. If she looks away like she just read a bus ad, don't go over there.

  6. Stay off the fucking phone! It's a trap. Tease girls who are on theirs. Ask them how many insta followers they have, tell them to show you their cute dog pictures, whatever. Just scold them in a fun way. Easiest open ever.

  7. Get numbers or fuck off. Insta and snap are them telling you to fuck off or they're not actually out to fuck anyone that night. If they are waffling on it, just tell them you are a big boy who can take a "no". You'll get the real answer.

  8. Never try to be cool. Don't try to be funny if you're not - to get better at being funny, just watch standup. It's 90% timing.

  9. Never buy drinks. Ask any of your female friends why not.

  10. You are there to HAVE FUN. NOT TO HOOK UP. Take the pressure off your dick and chill.

This is punchy enough - for a follow up post, I'll write a section just about:

A Few Stories

Until then, it's Friday night. Get out there and have fun.