On being confident

G_Petronius · 2016-09-19T16:06:56+00:00

Be mindful not to let this mentality become an excuse for thinking you don't need 'real' reasons to be confident, and thus not pursuing good looks and actual experience. I see too many newer members of TRP write as if convinced that a change in mentality is all they need, and that once they've changed the way they think everything else will follow naturally. That to me seems like a way to feel good about themselves without having to put in any real work.

The truth is that while confidence does have to come from within (as proven by abundant examples of people who objectively have it all and yet have no confidence), actual real reasons to be confident are in fact important. Faking it is pretty hard when somewhere in the back of your head you know you're out of shape and inexperienced, and more importantly when these things present and objective obstacle (e.g. not knowing how to handle a certain situation because you haven't come close to experiencing it before).

So be mindful that you need both to psych yourself up into more confident than you should 'objectively' have, and also to work on the fundamentals that 'objectively' give you confidence. It's very dangerous to forego the latter.

GnomeSkill · 2016-09-19T22:10:21+00:00

Confidence is a skill. It is something you have to work on, no different then liftin weights to look good. No one comes out of the womb confident. Work on it like you work on any other skill. Great post man

sierratangovictor · 2016-09-19T22:28:57+00:00

TL;DR Version : I support OP in general that confidence can and should come without supporting evidence, but that won't always cut. Some audience specifically look for material evidence, and feeling of security - and use "confidence" as an euphemism for security/abundance .

What did I do? What do I have?

I would like to support OP by mentioning that sometimes, there is a confusion between confidence and supporting evidence.

Confidence is purely yours. The moment you decide on X and stop longing for Y, regardless of whether you are sure about the future or not, regardless of whether you have supporting evidence or not, you are confident with X. The moment you decide to approach a woman / an investor / an alien civilization / ... because you think that's is the best step to take, you are clearly displaying your confidence.

Often in many cases of job interviews, an interviewer may look for this confidence - your ability to choose. The reason I speak of a job interview is because many young people standing in front of an interviewer may not have much material support in their portfolio, they may not guarantee an outcome in future [a guarantee of future outcome is foolish anyway], they may shake with excitement about the not-secure nature of their choice, they may be sweating with fear - but that does not mean that their confidence is any less.

The single thing that make them confident is that they made a choice, and they will not long for another choice, instead they believe that their choice is the best, and they will dedicate themselves completely to what they have chosen.

Confidence alone does not let you step out of your comfort zone. It is your courage that opens the door. Also, please , can we not focus on "stepping out of comfort zone" ? Life is a game in general, and when you need to place a move, you place a move. The only thing that may discourage you from continuing with the move is a fear, which you overcome (but not eliminate) with courage.

Can we stop taking life in zones please? there is no fence separating parts of your life - it is a continuum. There is no such thing as comfort zone.

However, job interviews are done by people trained in it. Hence, you need to keep in mind, that it is not the confidence that makes you attractive to random people. It is the plausibility of your confident choice. So if you walk up to a Lady in a bar, and say : "Hi, whats up - I know I am not perfectly dressed, but I am busy in political campaigning, as I am putting my confidence in choosing a political career for myself and attempting to become the president of StrangeCountria" (formulation irrelevant - you get the point. You want to convey the message that you are confident , you have chosen to make a giant step ), she will start checking your statement for plausibility. (of course, if you are attractive, you will receive bonus points, but let's put that part aside for a moment)

Are you wearing a wrinkled shirt? In her mind it may signal you being poor, and thus not associated with a powerful family classically inclined to such endeavors.

Have you previously been elected as a senator? In her mind it may signal that you are not powerful enough to beat the big fishes - she will not actually analyse your talent - but make a generic conclusion about you.

While the above example is an extreme one, you need to understand, that confidence alone doesn't cut it always.

BehrGris · 2016-09-20T00:29:51+00:00

This is a GREAT post, very underrated. A lot of TRP content is about having external and internal accomplishments in order to feel worthy of a certain woman. When in reality, the scumbags who do nothing with their lives and fuck hot women choose confidence without any evidence of actually being better than the next man.

They just do it. Their confidence is their proof that their better than the next guy.

tetsuya80 · 2016-09-20T00:56:52+00:00

You're basically telling people to deluded themselves. This is utter bullshit.

Confidence comes from your achievements. If you have not yet achieved anything, you are not entitled to feeling confident.

CanuckinFL · 2016-09-19T21:39:23+00:00

Note to all: change of mentality doesn't come from thinking different- rather you "do different" and your mentality will come along for the ride.

Seriously. First lesson in all 12 step groups. Applies here.

DoesNotMatterAnymore · 2016-09-20T09:38:15+00:00

I disagree with you, and i tell you why.

I'm a guy who never free (rock) climbed before. But i'm confident about rock climbing because (apparently) that feels good? So i start climbing, because i feel soo good about my confidence, and the whole process just magically transform me into an expert climber?! This is not how the real world works.

Like it or not, you should accept the following relation ->

confidence = experience

You have to confirm TO YOURSELF that you are capable of doing <insert something here>.

I have to start climbing first, try and fail, again and again. If i'm lucky, i will have more successful tries then failures. Which will build my confidence about rock climbing. Your inflated confidence can get you killed.

DisgruntledWolverine · 2016-09-20T16:27:58+00:00

It all starts with reflection. You look at your life, and you realize "I am not confident because X Y Z"

First, you have to accept things you cannot change and embrace them. If you are balding, shave it. If you are short, get over it.

Back to X,Y,and Z.

Say X is you are skinny fat, y is you dress like shit, z is you have a shitty job.

Your mission as a self respecting man is to make a plan and take action

For X, you hit the gym and stop eating like an unsupervised child at a birthday party<sup>TM</sup><sup>Gaylubeoil</sup>
For Y, you learn about style and dress better, get a better haircut, groom yourself like an adult.
For Z, you study something interesting to you, get some certificate, set some professional goals with a plan and milestones so that you accomplish them.

After you have taken action on the things that you dislike about yourself, you will be proud of your results, and you will have the confidence you need. But at the same time, you have truly become a better version of yourself, so it isn't just fake confidence.

Title	On being confident
Author	moyle
Upvotes	27
Comments	24
Date	September 19, 2016 2:34 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/53htpm/on_being_confident/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/on-being-confident.62430 https://theredarchive.com/post/62430

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