Throwaway because of the fourth point in my post.

I stumbled on TRP because my boyfriend left it open on my laptop (maybe not by accident) and so I've casually browsed it over the last week trying to understand what it is.

I'm going to be honest here, I still don't see how this subreddit isn't misogynistic. But I'm open minded, and there are some things I think I can relate to, but we'll get to that.

So from what I can tell, I fit TRP's standards for "quality" women rather well. I'm young (early twenties), never married, no kids, well-educated (private schools from primary to PhD), attractive, a great body (marathoner/volleyball player, never been even an ounce overweight), sexually expressive/aggressive/experimental but I've never had sex outside a relationship that lasted more than a year, affluent background, great genes (both my parents are ~50 but neither of them look a day over 30)), health nut (I eat really well, I work out 6 days a week, I don't drink or smoke, I'm borderline obsessed with having a healthy physique, inside and out), talented (I can sail, play the piano and the violin, cook, and speak a foreign language), super feminine, and a "clean freak" (I grew up in a huge house that was always white-glove clean, so anything less is unacceptable in my mind). I feel like I meet all the criteria for value to a man, but I can also take care of myself, so what else do I really need?

If you ever met my family, I'm basically a mini version of my aunt. My aunt is the VP of a Fortune 500 company and a certified badass. Instead of screwing around in high school and college like everyone else she was working her ass off (like me) to become the success she is today.

Her husband, my uncle, is painfully shy and he quit his job to stay home with their kids. Now that they're older he gets to golf all day while my aunt works and their staff takes care of the house and meals and pets. I only bring this up because I compare my situation a lot to hers. My aunt didn't need to get married (which is probably why she waited until almost 40) but I think she wanted a partner for companionship and to raise children with. This is pretty much where I stand on the issue, except for my concession below. But first things first.

Here are some problems I have with TRP:

  1. I don't want children. Or at least, I don't want to give birth to children. I am far too career focused to even imagine being perpetually sick for 9 months and then having to care for a baby for at least 6 weeks after, not to mention giving birth sounds horrible and even though my mom looks like she's never even had kids, I worry what it will do to my own body. My ideal is to adopt. I would like to adopt as many kids as I can afford, or at least foster as many as possible. Additionally, I have considered a surrogate mother. Because I also want to wait until I'm at least 32 to start having children, I am very seriously considering freezing my eggs sometime in the coming months. I can afford it, and that way I don't have to keep worrying about the biological clock. My younger sister has offered to be my surrogate at some point if I want. I would also consider doing both (adoption and surrogacy). Does TRP support these?

  2. I want to be the breadwinner in my relationship. Not for financial control, but because I'm already headed in that direction anyway, and because I want my kids to have a full-time parent at home, but I don't want to be that parent. I have a budding business and would like to start another soon, and even if I didn't, I'm in line to take over any or all of my family's very successful multi-million dollar businesses. I love working and I am crazy fortunate that whoever I marry won't ever have to work and will be set for life, like me. I would like this very much, because then my kids could have a full-time stay-at-home parent and I can sleep happy knowing my kids are being raised full-time by their dad the way we want them to be.

  3. All the alphas I've ever met have been the worst. TRP ideology makes it out that all women, and especially attractive women, love alphas. I never have. I've met plenty, I'm like a magnet for them, but they never last. I only ever dated one alpha for a significant amount of time and he was an abusive misogynist who tried to pressure me to have sex with him too soon and then dumped me when I wouldn't. Every boyfriend I ever truly loved would fit the "beta" description, and I always liked those qualities. They never pressured me into anything, and always supported me and my career choices. Also the only men who ever had a problem with my rule that I always split the bill or pay on a date have been alphas. I feel like I may be misunderstanding the definition.

  4. I'm sexually dominant. I've only ever had a few sexual partners, but I have experimented a good bit. I've switched, but I prefer topping. All the porn I watch is femdom. There is no doubt in my mind that I love this. I don't get a strong sense that TRP supports sexually dominant women, but I could be wrong.

  5. I can't imagine knowing my partner considers me inferior. Especially if I'm the main financial contributor to a relationship, I can't stand the thought of being with someone who still only values me for my appearance, or who thinks I'm inherently as mature as a high schooler. I want to be with someone who appreciates my attractiveness and the work I put in to maintain that but also respects the hell out of me. I want a relationship based on mutual respect and mutual value.

  6. I'm a serial monogamist. I downright refuse to have sex in a non-committed relationship; however, I also prefer men who feel the same way. I am a stickler about my health, and that includes my sexual health too. That means I have never had sex without a condom, and I want to know how many women my partner has been with without one. If it's more than one, or you can no longer get in touch with that one for HPV screening, I'm not going to have sex with you. Everyone I've slept with had STI, STD, and HIV testing done, and had to show me the results. TRP seems to promote male promiscuity and cheating, and I can't get on board with that. Too dangerous.

But here is my one concession that I have about TRP. While I've never met an alpha I liked, the romanticized, idealized version of an alpha male is, admittedly, appealing to me. That is, I tell my friends often that I want to be in a "power couple." I live in the affluent part of the city where power couples are everywhere. The building I live in is full of them: young, confident looking dudes sporting Brooks Brothers blazers, six packs, and Rolexes going to brunch with their even younger, insanely hot girlfriends who drive Porsches they bought themselves while working at high profile law firms downtown.

I sometimes run with these women at the gym or share a yoga class and I ask them how they did it. How did they find a guy as ambitious in their careers and as attractive as they are? The usual answers are "grad school" or "through work/friends" (take note: bars are NOT reputable places to meet quality long term partners). Unfortunately my position at work puts me in a strange place for dating. And even when I come across these men in other aspects of working or networking, they're almost always married. They'll hit on me for sure, but they're rarely on the market.

I will never need a man to support me financially, but I would love to be with a man as sensitive, patient, and supportive as the betas I've dated but that also has the same ambition and desire for success that I do. Someone who wants the finer things in life, and isn't afraid to do what it takes to get them, whether that means working for the family business or staying home to care for kids. Someone who fits in with other affluent people, who wants the same for our kids, but isn't a pretentious snot. Does this exist? Does it fit with TRP ideology? Is there any middle ground for people like me who would otherwise date the alpha male types, if it weren't for those issues I listed above? Are "power couples" even a possibility? Or am I just wasting my time here as someone who's unwilling to give up my career for a traditional gender role?

Finally, what value (according to TRP) does a man have to me if not financial? If I don't need him for his ability to provide wealth or protection, what do I need him for? I can find companionship and sex in a beta man just as well as any alpha, and they would probably be more willing to take on the domestic parent role. If his value is as a parent and the partner who runs the household, is that not acceptable or align with TRP? I feel like I'm missing something, but I don't know what it is.