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ManNoob
[–]Hackey23 67 points68 points69 points 10 years ago (12 children) | Copy Link
"Hateful subreddit" my ass, maybe I'll send a link to this thread to the sjw joke of a mod that banned me from r/offmychest for posting in this "hateful" place. The amount of actual learning and growing opportunity that there is here is incomparable to any other sub. As long as you don't be a typical redditor fishing for meaningless upvotes and meaninglessly attaching your stupid puns everywhere and don't victimize yourself you won't find a better sub for finding the knowledge and help to improve yourself, and I say this as a newcomer who still cant help but revert to bluepill bullshit but the truth is bitter yet awakening. Amazing post btw.
[–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon11 points12 points13 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yeah.. .men take responsibility for themselves.
Masculism is about being better men. Feminism is about getting resources from men.
Even TRPWomen has negligible self improvement stuff beyond occasionally hitting the gym and accepting the world as it is (big deal ladies)
[–]SplashArtist6 points7 points8 points 10 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I was in discussion with a gentleman on this subreddit and he was saying how toxic of an environment TRP is. After browsing for a few days afterwards i found nothing that was striking me as toxic at all. I think peoples perception of the information is what makes them come to conclusions like that because for whatever reason they view the information as negative because it conflicts with belief systems they currently have in place.
[–]Mithra90090 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Are you sure? I've seen people call this subreddit negative not because of its "misogyny" but rather, because of the seemingly continuous complaints. There's more focus on bad things and less on good things and since actually happy people will be too busy actually enjoying their lives, this place gets distorted by the active, more negative posters.
[–]SplashArtist0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Eh im honestly not so sure about that dude. I see a lot of positive posts on how to improve yourself and theory on how behavior psychology works between the sexes. At least, those are the topics I pay attention to anyways. Like I said, I think it depends on your subjective experience to how you view the threads. I see these theories at work in real life and it has helped me understand the world I live in tremendously so ill be better prepared for my future. Cheers!
[–]Professor_Red7 points 10 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
They don't hate this sub because it spreads lies and "hate" about women. They hate this sub because it forces you to acknowledge observable truths about women. Truths which significantly undermine portions of feminist ideology. Feminists are going to rail against the sub because it teaches men the nuts-and-bolts of getting laid, among other things, and feminists only see sex as valid only when it's under their control. They hate us because it shows the masses the truth.
And if there is anything feminists hate more than the Red Pill, it's the truth.
[–]redditarcm89 2 points3 points4 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I have to say; even if all of the evo-psych stuff here is wrong, and I actually am "misogynistic", I and the world are better because I came here.
Thank you, TRP.
[–]TheRedPillOverdose1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link
But what's the point? Why do so many here bother with the rest of reddit? Isn't it accepted here that unless someone was looking for this place in one way or another they won't accept it's ideas just because you toss them in their face.
Edit: I'm not disagreeing with sending a message to a dude who seems like he is on the right track while asking for help in one of those pussy subbredits like askmen or whatever other ones (I only lurk here) but I don't see it necessary to try send a "message" trough to some BP-boy that banned you from a subbredit just because you post here.
[–]Hackey23 -2 points-1 points0 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I for one was not looking for this place and cringed when I got here. I'll be modest enough to admit it, on second thought that doesn't sound modest at all. But I'm glad I did and I disagree with you
[–]tuxedoburrito0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I was thinking just how encouraging this sub was when I read this post. All about it man. It has its flaws but so does everything.
[–]pinstrap0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Dude spot on about how Redditors victimize themselves incessantly for karma. It's so fucking pitiful. Has anyone noticed that 95% of the people on this website claim to suffer from some sort of mental disorder? It's ridiculous the whiny mental disorder circlejerking that occurs on this website. I am in no way dissing mental disorder because they do exist, but most of the motherfuckers on Reddit are depressed because they spend there weekends alone, eating junk food, watching Netflix, and Redditing. And they wonder why they're not happy? I have no pity for these people, IF YOU WANT TO GET BETTER YOU HAVE TO WORK FOR IT. More often than not people these days lie around lazily waiting for the world to fix them. Unfortunately, that's not how life works. I used to be socially anxious and I used to be depressed, but guess what, I actually made the changes necessary and now I suffer from neither of those things. And that's why I love you guys. You cut the bullshit. If you want change, YOU have to fucking change. And that's what I think separates a bluepill boy from a redpill man. Sorry for the wall of text. Rant over.
[–]heyachaiyya16 points17 points18 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
You cannot dream yourself into a character; you must hammer and forge yourself one.
[–]StrikePrice14 points15 points16 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
That one reminds me of ...
Man cannot remake himself without suffering, for he is both the marble and the sculptor.
[–]2niczar7 points8 points9 points 10 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
There's an app for that: Rewire.
[–]redestofthereds2 points3 points4 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You mean Rewireme because that's what I found.
[–]throwaway-aa22 points3 points4 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
nice, thanks for that. I used to have that app before but time has passed and they not only changed the name but made the improvements I asked them to last year. nice.
[–]AnotherGimic5 points6 points7 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Seriously? What happened to the post?
[–]EXILED_SONS 10 points11 points12 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Or maybe read it as much as you want: IMPERATIVE TRIGGERED
[–]TheColdDark2 points3 points4 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I'm allergic to platitudes.
[–]unassumingusername75 points6 points7 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Of course OP takes the time to write up something that might help people start to take concrete steps towards their goals, and all the herps and derps of TRP deride him for giving them an imperative. I get it. You can regurgitate the rules without nuance or independent thought. Congrats.
God forbid anyone trigger your poor little soul with some advice that isn't riddled with qualifiers. Clearly you would get more out of this post if OP reworded it to nicely ask you to read it.
People who can't see that this isn't a moral imperative clearly have never been taught the difference between the letter and the spirit of the law.
[–]ManNoob[S] 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Thank you for that. Ironically, I believe that those who are annoyed by imperative platitudes are the same that fail to take action. They think they can just read their way to improvement. They know they need to take action but it is too painful for them to do so. So they reject any imperative right out of the gate.
[–]downernomore 6 points6 points6 points 10 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
Man I swear to god I gave that book a fair try, but some of the exercises are simply so fucking ridiculous and self-helpish I was totally put off by it. I resonated with the book in the beginning, but I honestly can't take some of those exercises seriously. What's been your experience doing them?
[–]SuaveSilverSurfer0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago [recovered] (0 children) | Copy Link
What kind of results did you get when you did try em tho
[–]Stythe3 points4 points5 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I like that you included a simple, solid step people can take that will actually help. I don't see enough posts with that here.
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
the theory is important and all, but actions are what really makes the different
[–]silvertongue35 1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Big goals can often be broken down into smaller steps. Those smaller steps create a snowball effect because they allow you to see measureable progress. When you see your checklist fill up with a bunch of checks, it motivates you to finish.
Finish strong, brothers.
[–]user65800 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Yup good point. I'm struggling because I feel like I burnt myself out a bit.
Live in a martial arts dojo for 14 months. 5am starts, 3hrs of training a day at least. No internet. This is coming straight from a video game addict that woul stay up to 4am regularly.
It was time for me to leave.. and over the next year I slowly got back into my old habits bo where near as bad, but bad enough to notice. The romance phase is over and the real battle begins.
[–]hatertauts1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
How would you go about doing this? What did you do? What did your day look like then?
[–]bryanlharris1 point 10 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
You can also change behaviors by eating different foods. Have some vodka and your behavior will change. Eat a good diet and watch your hormones snap back into place in a few months.
Also I've heard this is a really good self help book but I have not read it: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xfpzZYW-MNo
[–]akaelripley -1 points0 points1 point 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This is every self-development book ever
[–]SoullessTechnocrat -1 points0 points1 point 10 years ago (49 children) | Copy Link
What about if your life is too chaotic for that? If every effort only results in regression and behavioral techniques don't work with you?
[–]TheKorken 6 points6 points6 points 10 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
Your body and your mind work against each other. You first have to unite them.
How do you unite them? Easy way: Honest debate about your goals and dreams. (HONEST! what are you doing right now is the dream of your body, deal with it)
Hard way: Drugs.
[–]SoullessTechnocrat 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago [recovered] (47 children) | Copy Link
How would one do that? What drugs are you suggesting?
No; I'm not going to just deal with it. Explain it. How can any kind of honest debate produce something like what you are saying. My goals and dreams are not possible for me to achieve; that's just a fact. I've had all the honest debate about it; hence why I've embraced nothingness and misery as the default setting for life.
How is that the easy way?
[–]TheKorken 4 points4 points4 points 10 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
I dont suggest any drug im strongly against drugs. I'm just saying with the right drug your mind or your body will win this battle and the other one will die once for all.
How is it the easy way? You have two spirits fighting each other. One of them is your body, who wants to live this live you are living right now, no other. The body always wins, because he cant lose. Unless you physically die.
So the life your mind calls shitty is acually the dream of your body who cant speak for itself.
Now there is your mind who wants to live his dreams and goals... but they are so far away!!
The goal is how you can compromise with your body. One good way is to only change very slowly into your new life. So your mind gets some of the stuff that it loves. Rest of the day stays the same. If your goals are unreachable your new goal is to find new goals.
It is the easy way because communication is still happening.
With a harddrug you will either completly break and not even try to end your depression, or you will break your depression once for all. In a very brutal fashion.
2 Offtopic tips: Missery is not nothingness Your goals wont make your life happier, just diffrent. Learn to accept your self first. How? Things are like they are. You wont chance the way the universe ticks. Ever. Deal with it.
Edit: Oh and dont think the drug is the "fast" way. Both take the same time. One is based on your freewill, the other is forced.
[–]SoullessTechnocrat -3 points-2 points-1 points 10 years ago [recovered] (45 children) | Copy Link
The body always wins, because he cant lose. Unless you physically die.
And why are we even arguing again? You're pretty much proving me right, man. With everything you say... Physically dying would be the best thing for me; for both of us really. I die and you get to keep doing whatever it is you do!
That sounds ridiculously like a catechism. Almost like it were contrived to be vague... Like if it works, the idea is good, if it doesn't, you're the problem?
Okay... but I thought you were against drugs?
Missery is not nothingness Your goals wont make your life happier, just diffrent. Learn to accept your self first. How? Things are like they are. You wont chance the way the universe ticks. Ever. Deal with it.
How? How does one accept themselves and not hate themselves? I don't get it, man.
And that's why I hate the entire universe! I know that I can't change the way it works; that's why my life sucks and I want to die. It's why the only prayers I'll ever have are for death or the Abyss. It is literally the existential knowledge that drives me mad and I cannot shake. I've put more effort into it than anything else; and I have gotten nothing out of it.
I've put more effort into it than anything else; and I have gotten nothing out of it.
You see, this is it. Because there >is nothing to come out of it<. Your problem is, that you are obsessed with the topic "depression". You will never "beat" it. Because there is nothing to beat. First accept that you are obsessed with the topic. Its not worse or better than every other. Then you can just forget about it and look for something that strikes your couriosity more.
What I hear is that you're mind is craving for an path that it can follows. (Like a woman craves a redpillman to show her the way)
Good steps are that you make a plan for your daily life and follow it with disciplin. When I had a hard time my ritual was watching "The Simpsons" every day 18:00 for 1h.
It doesnt matter if its a fun activity or a bad one. The importance is you do it without questioning it. Set yourself a time limit. For example 1 Month.
based on this you can create your whole day. Stay realistic. "I will go out every evening and fuck girls" is not realistic. "I will go out every evening" could be if you have the money.
The paramount of this practice is, ofc, meditation. You just set a time and do and think nothing at all.
Start out with 10 mins. Then get up to 30 mins or even 1h.
If you want to take the hand I offer you:
"For the next 2 weeks after I wake up. I will wash myself, eat, take on clothes etc... and then I will sit on my chair for 10 mins doing absolutley nothing (meditation)." do this.
and find other stuff you can make without thinking.
[–]SoullessTechnocrat -3 points-2 points-1 points 10 years ago [recovered] (43 children) | Copy Link
First accept that you are obsessed with the topic. Its not worse or better than every other. Then you can just forget about it and look for something that strikes your couriosity more.
Tried that, man. I cannot shake this topic; it literally won't leave me alone. I have never been able to do this. That's the whole problem with a personality disorder; you're fucked, and there is no fixing it. None.
Good steps are that you make a plan for your daily life and follow it with disciplin. When I had a hard time my ritual was watching "The Simpsons" every day 18:00 for 1h. It doesnt matter if its a fun activity or a bad one. The importance is you do it without questioning it. Set yourself a time limit. For example 1 Month. based on this you can create your whole day. Stay realistic. "I will go out every evening and fuck girls" is not realistic. "I will go out every evening" could be if you have the money.
My life is too chaotic for something like this; I can't do that. Regular activities are right out; the demands of the household come first if I'm to have quiet. I cannot regulate anything but going to work; the incompetents and the illness ridden have priority.
I have tried this extensively! This is what I'm talking about when I say: "I think bad thing until I vocalize them or injure myself." Every time I try to meditate; I end up screaming, bleeding or both.
"For the next 2 weeks after I wake up. I will wash myself, eat, take on clothes etc... and then I will sit on my chair for 10 mins doing absolutley nothing (meditation)."
I cannot do that, man. I can't not think. It's always on; even in the full ego death of an LSD trip, I still had the backtrack going on.
[–]TheKorken 3 points3 points3 points 10 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
This is your path. Take smalls steps. Do it 1 min if 10 min is too much.
Stop doing drugs all together. Even those against your depression. Talk with your doctor about how you can get rid of those in a medical save manner. Same with your other drugs.
Give yourself time. I'd say 3 years from today, while having good enough results to keep you motivated in 6-8 weeks.
There are no things you can't do. There are only things your mind is willing to chance slowly to protect yourself. Use it to your advantage and not against you. Take the baby steps, no matter how small. but take them.
Edit: you can never get rid of something 100%. also not the ego. you just can decide wether to act on it or not.
Edit2: If you cant stop thinking at all, decide yourself for one topic and allow yourself only to think about that topic. a neutral topic. Like dogs for example. Only think about dogs for your meditation time.
[–]SoullessTechnocrat -1 points0 points1 point 10 years ago [recovered] (29 children) | Copy Link
Even those against your depression. Talk with your doctor about how you can get rid of those in a medical save manner. Same with your other drugs.
I don't have a doctor; those cost money. Same thing for drugs. They cost money I don't have; and are given out by people I do not have the money to see.
You make no sense, man. None whatsoever. 3 Years? I don't have that kind of time to dedicate to me; and just me. There are others more important in the equation. And I hate me as it is...
How the fuck would I see results in 6-8 weeks? Do you think this is a body image issue or something? It isn't; I'm not fat, I'm miserable. They often go together; but not in this case...
And I'm not even sure how the fuck to read this...
Baby steps don't work if you get struck down harder than ever if you even try to move.
That's what I'm saying. Try a workout routine; get fucked up on my schedule so that skipping becomes mandatory. Try meditation? Get stuck on thoughts of suicide and memory flashbacks from my childhood until I scream or bash my head against the wall. Try making friends? Have anxiety so bad that you can't even talk to your family, and that attack lasts all day. Oh; and since you just saw a bug, have the sensation that they're crawling on you constantly and do a jerky dance to try and get them out of your pants legs. Fate and circumstance strike every time I even try to improve. This is what I mean when I say that; I literally cannot win.
This is what I'm fighting; it is not a battle that can be won. I don't have a doctor; because they cost too much. Here in Alabama; you either have Medicaid, Blue Cross, or pay out of pocket. Single men don't get Medicaid; and everything else is out of my price range.
I meant you will notice changes in your mind.
Those are the steps. If you think 1 min is too much then do 10 secs every morning. You can do that without bashing your head against a wall I guess, right?
If you have done it for a week then go for 20 secs.
Time doesnt matter. ... and keep yourself far away from highly pleasureable experiences. ... and wait till you forgot those you had.
[–]SoullessTechnocrat0 points 10 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
You didn't read what I posted; did you. I literally don't have a single second in-between thoughts. Meditation is impossible for me. They just happen; no brakes or stops.
I can't do what you're suggesting man; I have responsibilities that I'm enslaved to. It is beyond my scope an ability.
[–]TheKorken5 points 10 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
I literally don't have a single second in-between thoughts. Meditation is impossible for me.
OK then just sit there and let it flow through you. (without hurting yourself), just realising the thought and not judging it. "thoughts crosses my mind, like the sun crosses the sky."
OK then just sit there and let it flow through you. (without hurting yourself), just realising the thought and not judging it.
Again; this isn't really something that I can do. I can't not judge it; everything is judgment. Just letting it flow through me is how the crying fits start.
[–]R3v4mp3d3 points 10 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
Man, Korken is doing HIS BEST here to try and help you. Your debate interested me so much that I followed an endless line of replies between you two.
Lemme clear out a few things (whatevery I say take it at face value, don't analyse it further since it's EXACTLY what I mean):
1). Korken is trying to help; he is in a "good place" and you're in a "bad place". DO NOT contradict someone that's in a higher position than you and is trying to help. Why? Because it's fucking stupid. Accept that he knows better and you must dance to how he sings to you. If you don't accept it then you're not interested in exiting your situation and you should just stop reading my reply or anything else on this sub since you're just a complainer that wants just to complain and not to escape.
2). Hate your condition! Your situation is YOUR choice. Embrace it at first and then decide to do WHATEVER it takes to change it for the better. DO NOT QUESTION what we tell you. Why not question it? TRP doesn't troll itself; it has users that want and give advice. This is no feel good shit; this is "I scratch your back; somebody else scratches mine; someone else scratches his; etc". Now that you got this amazing privilege, don't throw it away/ dis-consider it "because you know better"; you DON'T! If you knew better then you'd be in a much better place now.
3). It took me 1 week to be able to clear my thoughts for 1 second! 1 second in 30 minutes. I'm not depressed or anxious or anything; I'm just a normal guy. Guess what? ALL HUMANS THINK A LOT. WATCH AND LISTEN TO THIS PLEASE: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=emHAoQGoQic This is THE WHOLE FUCKING HUMAN POPULATION, NOT JUST YOU! Just sit there and "embrace" your thoughts: accept them and let them think (watch the video again).
4). Train the mind, soul and body! SUFFER! If you REALLY want to succeed then you must suffer. Suffer until you cry and tremble and until your sight is blurry. Once you see that whatever obstacle you face YOU WILL NOT DIE, you WILL SUCCEED, you will see improvement. You see a bug? Go next to it and watch it. Do this for the next 3-10 encounters. Then move closer! Eventually even kill it! Do workout as much as you can; put yourself in difficult situations; etc! Keep pushing yourself based on the model I presented a few lines above.
5). Get up or get out. If you decide to try don't give up after 1 month. I have a skinny bitch friend that complains that "it's genetics" that he's skinny. I offered my help to him and even offered to do gym together; he bitched and said "I don't need a teacher; fuck off!". I said ok and asked what routine he did that didn't work. "Ah I did some abs and pushups for a month and nothing happened so I guess I'm broken.". Don't be this. If you want help, ask help and you will receive. Also NOTHING happens in 1 month; all transformations (physical or mental) start kicking in after a few months and are most noticeable after 6-12 years when the habit/ mentality is deeply ingrained in the brain.
6). BE RESPECTFUL! Dude I just spent 30 minutes typing my heart out and pondering the best advice I can give to a TOTAL STRANGER. Just by gauging the amount of words I'm throwing here you should at least respect me for my effort and give it a shot (let's not talk about how much u/TheKorken spent!).
7). BELIEVE IN YOURSELF. I've seen the worst people pull off incredible social situations (landing jobs; winning physical fights/ arguments; taking control; etc) just by believing in themselves.
8). I have one saying for the human body (mind included): the tool isn't broken; the user is. I had anxiety 2 years ago and it was completely obliterated by a friend who helped me just by telling me: "Dude if you want it gone then believe 1 of these two things and you're set: 1). fuck it; I'll embrace the end and that's that, it was a nice run. 2). fuck you Universe; I won't give up to you!". As retarded as it probably seems to you, it worked! I went from 1 attack every 3-4 days to 1 attack per week in just 1-2 months; by the first year I had 1 attack every 1-2 months but I could handle them and they were just a mild discomfort; by 1.5 years they were fully gone.
[–]SoullessTechnocrat1 point 10 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
Why? Really; what made you take the time?
DO NOT contradict someone that's in a higher position than you and is trying to help.
And then you go and fuck it up; you do realize that my entire life has been built around the hate I have for those 'higher' than me. I've been the bottom of the totem pole, my entire godsdamned existence. Nothing has defined me more than seething vitriol towards those richer, better looking, and tougher. And that was pretty much everyone; and it's not exaggeration, it's observable fact. Fate dictated that my life must suck; and lo, it doth really suck. (but not in any real meaningful way that would mean anything other than my being weak.)
Train the mind, soul and body! SUFFER!
I do this enough; not the training thing, the suffering thing. The idea that suffering builds strength is one promigulated by those who want to sink the cost of their suffering into something so they don't go mad and kill themselves because pain sucks.
. DO NOT QUESTION what we tell you. Why not question it?
I can't not do this; I question everything at some point. The only reason I haven't come up with a better answer for some questions is because the answer hasn't changed. I've had too many people pull fast ones on me socially to ever take anything anyone says at face value, ever again.
BE RESPECTFUL! Dude I just spent 30 minutes typing my heart out and pondering the best advice I can give to a TOTAL STRANGER.
And why the fuck would you go and do that? Especially since we both know that you do not respect me or any other man who is celibate by choice. It's not disrespecting you to not take your advice; especially since I didn't ask for it. I just started bitching; you guys presumed that I was seeking what you're seeking. I'm really just waiting around to keel over; and honestly, everyone that actually mattered would be better off if I were to just die.
BELIEVE IN YOURSELF. I've seen the worst people pull off incredible social situations (landing jobs; winning physical fights/ arguments; taking control; etc) just by believing in themselves.
There must be something there worth believing in; and we both know that there isn't anything here. I can't believe some of the things I see; because in reality, they aren't there. Self-confidence cannot be attained by someone like me; I have had it destroyed too many times to even think about putting it back together again. Especially with how fragile any recovery I make is; and what happens when the Mexican Standoff flares up, renders any effort and recovery null. You have to have something to yourself to believe in it; I don't have that.
Also NOTHING happens in 1 month; all transformations (physical or mental) start kicking in after a few months and are most noticeable after 6-12 years when the habit/ mentality is deeply ingrained in the brain.
My life is too chaotic for me to have this kind of time to devote to climbing out. I can't do what you're doing; it's not possible. I can't just say fuck it; on either side. The Mexican Standoff denies even the smallest changes.
[–]R3v4mp3d1 point 10 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
Dude; I work a job, am still in Masters, am doing my best to document and prepare myself to try and start a company in the nearby future, oh and I work out regularly AND have time in the weekend to go out 1-2 times. It baffles me how you don't have AT LEAST 10-50 minutes a day to devote towards yourself.
You said you didn't ask for help; then why start the rant? If you want to just rant: http://www.confesster.com/
Since I'm spending MY time replying to YOU, this means I respect you.
I honestly don't care if you're celibate or not nor if anyone is celibate or not. :)) When I talk to guys, I never even ask if they have a girlfriend or wife or whatever since it's irrelevant to me. The only situation when I ask this is when I need to talk to a guy and we have no subject to discuss.
If you've lost your self confidence many times that means that you never really built it up.
We could go on and on; the most important thing is: do you want to be helped and to improve your life and well being?
Dude; I work a job, am still in Masters, am doing my best to document and prepare myself to try and start a company in the nearby future, oh and I work out regularly AND have time in the weekend to go out 1-2 times.
Nice! Good for you; all that achievement must make you some kind of awesome! (Not being sarcastic or snarky there; really, you're doing what needs to be done. Now stop thinking that I'm like you and worth a damn. If Everyone's-A-Winner!<sup>tm</sup> isn't true; then you must accept that you're unique and I'm dirt.)
It baffles me how you don't have AT LEAST 10-50 minutes a day to devote towards yourself.
Here's how this works. I can't just 'devote time to myself'. This concept is something that I'm having the hardest time getting across so I'll try to explain better.
I work at night; 2300 to 1100 on weekends, 2300 to 0700 on weekdays. I get two to three days off during the week; during which I have to switch my sleep schedule over due to several other factors and chores that must be done in the household to keep it functional.
I'm the only competent driver in my house; Mother is going blind, and no one else can drive. (Edd is kind of 'tistic, and has such severe road anxiety that he doesn't do well as a passenger much less the times he's tried to drive.) So; when my sister needs a ride to school; that's what I do when I get off work. I try to sleep during the day; but due to the way sleep refuses to come if the room isn't completely dark and silent, that's really just laying there dozing, wishing that I could sleep. EDIT: Then there comes the dealing with everyone else in the house on my off days. Little sister sees me as father substitute and thus smothers me with physical proximity. I can't tell her no because 'that would be damaging'; when I do it ends up running back down to the Mexican Standoff. I can't go anywhere by myself without getting crucified for 'leaving the others out!'
On the days when I'm not at work and I've switched back to a diurnal schedule for a bit; I'm driving everyone else around because they can't. This means any trips to town for groceries, paying bills, picking up prescriptions, etc. At the end of all that; the little bit of time I do spend alone is spent either screaming, writhing or crying.
Do you live alone? That's where the difference is if you do. If not it's because you can say no to people; I cannot. Conflict starts the chain reaction of shit that causes my meltdowns.
I would have a hard time believing this... You respect me; but you can't seem to think that I'm being truthful. You lead off with bragging about your success and how much work you're putting in; but refusing to even think that my situation may be different.
And you think that I reached this point of "success" by chance/ luck/ the will of gods/ etc?
No, plain and simple hard work. I've had my lows (drugs, alcohol, etc) but I moved on since I wanted more from life. I know we're different people with different situations but it's the difficulty of the state you're in and what you choose to do in this state that makes you strong.
I left my hometown because I have old communist parents that made my life hell. When I finished college, my parents offered me to come home and get a random job and make some cash. I thought about it a little since I was 22 and was sick of living a life with no money (guess what; my parents have above average wealth but "I'm not worth it since I'm too dumb") but then I started hating myself. I hated myself for not being in a better position and I started struggling to get a job as to: a). be independent of my parents and cut them off at will; b). not return to a deadbeat town and live with my stupid parents like a lowlife.
Found a job, things started improving, etc.
The power of saying NO: Mom wants to go in town to shop? Walk there. Edd is semi-autistic? Not your problem. You have a mother, her prime years are over so she can take care of Edd. I have co-workers who spend their money, time, and effort pandering to their parents/ family. I pleaded to all of them to stop that and to take care of their own life. It was futile and it started useless discussions about "Damn R3v4mp3d! Don't you love your family?" and me trying to explain that "I love you is DIFFERENT from I'm your bitch and have to give you my car for 1-2 months so you can do your chores when you come visit.". Don't be like my co-workers.
Examples: Someone needs help moving some shit? Yeah, ok I'll help you a few hours. Someone just came to town and needs a quick tour of the main places to go? Yeah, ok I can do that. Someone really has difficulty in learning and has some exams? I'll help for 1 week tops but then it's onto them. Someone doesn't have a car and keeps calling for rides? No, I'm no taxi. Someone needs your expertise in your field to build/ do something? Ok bro, we're friends so I'll do it at a lower rate, but I want money. The general rule is: I help you 1-2 times but I won't make a routine out of it; I won't help you more than 1-2 times if I see that you're not willing to help me out when I need it.
As some other TRPer said: you need to quit that job. Save money (quit the sweets/ chips/ drinks/ snacks/ etc) until you have enough to be self sufficient for 2-3 months and then start searching for another job. Your main concern throughout the day is getting a new job that is a daytime job. From what I know, nightshift jobs are low-paying so you should easily find a low-paying daytime job: cashier at a store/ warehouse or deposit merchandise handler/ barman/ waiter/ etc.
I asked you not to question anything because when you question things, you start to alter their meaning and make/ perceive them differently than they actually are.
You say you hate being at the bottom but yet you want to do nothing to rise? Until you get at a higher level, it's best to just emulate those above you. Once you surpassed enough levels, you can start to gauge what actions/ thoughts got you at this point and beside emulating the ones above you can also try and deduce what steps need to be taken. You're in an endless circle of misery and you're EXTREMELY negative so you shouldn't try and think/ reason anything; just emulate. You said that you can't ignore your thoughts; that doesn't matter. Dude you can think and say whatever it is but if you get working it doesn't matter. If I tell you to do 10 pushups, you can say/ think anything as long as you do those 10 pushups. Listen and do; don't talk, don't discuss, don't think.
In life there are no such things as events. Events are what YOU want and work for. An unforeseen event is by definition something that you couldn't predict yet the reality is that there are very few (if any) "unforseen" events in the world. A volcano erupts (there's too much pressure from the tectonic plates that was built up during millennial -> not unforeseen anymore); a car accident happens (a quick Googling says 57% are driver caused; I know a lot of irresponsible people and I even know a guy who had 1-2 accidents just because he's generally irresponsible throughout his life -> predictable). Let's take your case for example: shitty home -> caused by whatever poor life decisions and circumstances your mother and ?brother? created and their repetitivity and ripples throughout time -> not unforeseen but detrimental to you -> time to move.
There are bad situations that you face because you must (your shitty job that you must keep for at least 1-2 months until you get the money you need) and the rest are situations that you can opt out of (get a better job, move out).
Again I spend 45 minutes to try and help you; please tell me again that I don't respect you as a human being :P.
I am like your co-workers; except, I tried to do that once. It failed miserably. I melted down in the worst way possible; and that's because living by myself is the same as living with them at the core. In the end; because I'm a talentless loser, I want to kill myself.
The general rule is: I help you 1-2 times but I won't make a routine out of it; I won't help you more than 1-2 times if I see that you're not willing to help me out when I need it.
This is a chad-ism. Morally, I cannot do this man; get that through. I'm not a self-oriented person; I cannot be like that. I hate myself more than you would ever understand.
You're in an endless circle of misery and you're EXTREMELY negative so you shouldn't try and think/ reason anything; just emulate. You said that you can't ignore your thoughts; that doesn't matter. Dude you can think and say whatever it is but if you get working it doesn't matter. If I tell you to do 10 pushups, you can say/ think anything as long as you do those 10 pushups. Listen and do; don't talk, don't discuss, don't think.
I cannot just emulate; my situation is unchangeable. Get that through. I can't just listen and do; it's fucking impossible. I've tried to do that; I get more miserable than ever and eventually melt down.
This is also not possible. I pay the bills around here; I cannot quit this job, because there would not be any money at all then. It's like you didn't listen to me like I didn't listen to you... I cannot save money; it goes to household expenses. I cannot work in any other field due to my breakdowns and mental illness. (Night time security requires next to no people interaction or trying to please anyone. If I feel that someone is mad at me or something like that; I freak the fuck out. It's an ingrained reaction from all the beatings Old Man gave us back in the day.
If I tell you to do 10 pushups, you can say/ think anything as long as you do those 10 pushups. Listen and do; don't talk, don't discuss, don't think.
I can't do 10 push ups; you keep thinking that I can do the things you tell me, but I can't. I've told you I can't. And I can't not talk or not think; especially if I'm not constrained by the 'must-keep-job' clause.
It seems to me that you have way too much agency to think of things from my perspective. Fate is an actor in my life; that's observable. I am pretty able to predict the layout of events; they're just never good outcomes. Work means nothing if it always amounts to no net progress. See: Myth of Sisyphus.
I can't do that; I've explained why. My anxieties are so bad that if I were to move out; I'd have another meltdown, and may not get the cops to stand down afterwards. If I leave and this place tanks; and then I meltdown, I have no place to retreat to. It's a catch-22, and it's never going away. Unlike others who can just throw away their moral compass; I cannot. I'm stuck here until I finally man up and kill myself.
No, no I do not. But I think that you're a higher caliber of person than I could ever be; that's the difference. You're iron; I'm dirt. End of story. It's not that fate simply dictated that you get this; it's that you were made better, and thus got where you are through hard work. Subpar material will always be subpar; you cannot make lead into gold.
Why did you do that? Really, why? You should hate me; you should kick me down harder because that's what alpha guys do, right? Why do you respect me? That's what I'm asking.
Because it would be a pleasure to hear that you've made it and you're on the right path.
The whole alpha beta thing isn't about the alpha being strong and pissing on the beta. It's just about the alpha being strong. THE END.
Sure there are some "alpha" guys out there who were born in rich families; had the right circumstances and the wrong circles to get them to be an alpha that torments the weaker but not all are like that.
I don't hate those lower than me; I just want them to get to where I am and see them happy. It brings me no harm to try and offer some advice to you in hopes that you get to a better point and maybe in turn you help someone else out.
You're not dirt. Biologically speaking, most humans are virtually the same. Yes there are those that have some birth problems (dumb mother's and father's lifestyle) but excepting that the only difference would be the height. I've seen and heard great stories of people being paralyzed and starting to walk, of people with mental issues that solve them themselves, of people fixing themselves just because they wanted to.
There's a co-worker of mine that told me 5-6 months ago that he started going to the gym and following a diet so that he looses weight since he's getting married in 6 months. How he changed his diet? He's not eating potatoes. Guess what? He still drinks soft drinks, alcohol, is eating sweets, is eating sauces, is overeating, is eating too many fruits, is lazy. He was ~ 120 when he started and he managed to shave off 10-12 kg by now. I was 96 and was disgusted with my appearance and shaved off 32 kg in 8 months. I lost 8 kgs in the first month by fixing my diet and working out. So, in essence his 6 month progress was my 1 month progress because I was more dedicated than he was.
Humans are EXTREMELY plastic yet extremely resilient. If you want hard enough and work hard enough to succeed then you will.
Back to my original question: do you want help and to succeed?
I can't believe you man. I really just can't... It's not being snarky; it's real incredulity. How can you measure strength if you don't kick down weakness? They're relative terms, aren't they? I guess it's because I'm not able to believe that anyone would not want to kick me around. It's been the way things are for so long; why would it ever change?
You're not dirt. Biologically speaking, most humans are virtually the same.
And here comes the paint theory. I don't buy that, man. Not one bit. Nor do I get inspired by tales of overcoming adversity; that shit just makes me feel worse. Like I should have ever lived to begin with because my being alive is a detriment to others who are actually trying.
There's a co-worker of mine that told me 5-6 months ago that he started going to the gym and following a diet so that he looses weight since he's getting married in 6 months. How he changed his diet? He's not eating potatoes. Guess what? He still drinks soft drinks, alcohol, is eating sweets, is eating sauces, is overeating, is eating too many fruits, is lazy. He was ~ 120 when he started and he managed to shave off 10-12 kg by now.
Okay, you're using metrics so that's going to take a minute... But diet and exercise aren't priorities. There's not a time for it; and overeating would imply that there is enough food to overeat. Weight isn't an issue; and at my age, you're pretty much set as far as looks go.
Let me set up the conditions for you: because with me, everything is conditional. Everything; from love, to commitment, to my inevitable suicide.
I would have to be able to set my family up so that they do not crumble in my absence; then I would have to be able to get into the industry I really want to get into. (Television/Movies. I wanted to be a writer/director. But that goes to certain people with connections and talent that aren't me.) I would have to be able to do all of this without them knowing about it as to avoid distractions; and somehow with all of that, not compromise my morality to where I'm too disgusted with myself to live.
Yes, with "power" you do have a great tendency and urge to "flex your muscles", but that doesn't mean you should. At first I wanted and even did flaunt my achievements to my friends; then I felt like shit. I decided to talk to them about how and where I got to and offer them help to get there. Most of them took my advice for granted since most people are EXTREMELY proud and DON'T accept advice. What made me different was that I admitted to myself and to whomever asked that I was a nobody and doing nothing with my life and started working on it. I'm still a nobody (you aren't reading about me in the local paper :P) but I've got my life in check, am in a really good spot right now, and every day I'm working on continually improving it.
Now I don't want to show off to anybody (except my gf because you must; read around TRP) because I focus my energy on myself and the stuff I must do; the "demonstration of power" comes in unexpected and pleasing ways: I've heard from a friend that another common friend of ours admires me because I achieved whatever I set out to do and go whatever I decided I wanted. That right there made me smile even though he didn't say it to my face. Bottom line is that there's a point in which you don't have to show off, you will be pointed at.
Don't mind your family. Think of it like this: They raised you since they wanted you; now you're at a point when you must build YOUR OWN LIFE. Many people fail to understand this. I have a ton of friends that go home to their parents most of the time when they go on vacation; hell I even had a friend who invited his parents over to his city so that he can hang out with them, post some pics on Facebook saying something like "good old childhood memories". Dang man! He's 25 and he's still momma's boy. Man, once you're grown up (finished college/ masters and have a job) you should minimize your interaction with your parents. I've had co-workers who took a 1 week vacation to go help their parents renovate. WTF?! It's their life, their problems, their wishes/ thoughts/ actions/ etc. When you're grown you have your life and they have theirs. You get together 1-2 times a year for 1-2 weeks (okay 3 if you're still momma's boy) to catch up.
Okay, you say you have a dream. Great! Start off by getting in a better place with your life. The mind can't work when it's clouded. I've had to move to a different country and slept 5H/ night for the first month since it was too impacting on my psyche it seems (see? people don't live fairytale lives). I normally sleep ~ 7.5-8H a night so that month was pure hell. I bought several different strong sleep medication just to get to 5H. I had nightmares and sometimes I couldn't distinguish if I'm actually at work or the whole day is just a dream. I was a complete wreck that month yet I still managed to at least do my workout. I couldn't really achieve anything else since every moment was a haze/ a buzz/ a blur.
You need to create a good context for your body and mind. You need to move out and get a day job. You family is in a bad spot but they have to sort it out themselves. Why doesn't Ed get a job? Don;t you have anybody else that can get a job/ take care of them? Alternatively, after you move out and get a better job, you can pitch in a few hundred dollars / month to help them out. There's no other option: this environment is bad for you and you have to get rid of it. They have to manage themselves.
You'll ask why can't you change them instead of leaving. Think how much I'm trying to convince you to make a change and how hard it is for me to get through. You are a guy who went on a "hate forum" as TRP is known on the net so you're pretty open minded. Now think of the hordes of people out there that aren't open minded; how hard would it be to convince them of something :)?
EDIT: regarding the meltdown when you're alone: what exactly is it? Also, see one of my above comments where I tell you how to deal with anxiety; apply the same thing here. Start training daily until you reach a point where you're self sufficient when you're alone.
Your training regimen cannot be enacted without my being alone... It's a catch-22 like all the rest.
It's the fact that I hate life. I hate it so much that when I'm not around other people; it's all I can think about. Everything leads back to it; and nothing grants any release from it outside of a constant litany of suicidal screeds. (Or self injury; both things are things that you cannot do in a city situation without ending up hospitalized or jailed.)
Ok, so you CHOOSE to be like this. You choose to hate life.
Start by not accepting the situation. Start thinking "it's time I fix this shit." and start doing everything that you must to fix it.
It all boils down to you being willing to change and embracing the change.
Did you see where I've said that every time I try to change things and fix it, something else fucks up hard enough to make that effort wasted?
You just have to keep trying and minimize the hindrances. If it's yourself then try to be more disciplined about it. It's hard to tell what's the best approach when the problem you present is vague. What fucks up your efforts (some examples)?
Random things; I can be working on something, say trying to clean. It will go fine for a while; but then, something completely unrelated (The car breaking down, again.) happens and my efforts have to be pulled out from what I was working on to combat the crisis. (getting the car mobile so that we can make it into town. I don't have any mechanical skills, so it's more of paying for everything, but crisis management is still needed.) While this is going on; my sister and sister-in-law trash up the house again, undoing any cleaning I had done in just as much time as it takes me to put out whatever crisis fire just broke out.
That's what fucks up my efforts; Fate. Literally every time something minorly good happens, something else that is ten times as bad storms in out of nowhere and fucks up everything. And it is every time. This is what I mean when I say that my life is so chaotic that it would be better had I never lived.
You just have to keep trying and minimize the hindrances. If it's yourself then try to be more disciplined about it.
That makes no sense. Why keep trying if everything always fucks up and no progress ever gets made? I thought you guys hated tryhards like everyone else? I can't really be more disciplined about it; something has to bend in situations like that, and I am the one that bends. No question.
No, again these are foreseen consequences which you aren't taking care of. Your sisters are problematic? My generation was the last to receive a beating, but it didn't break me or my friends.
You don't wanna beat your little sisters? I understand; it's not the best option. But put them into place: you trash things? no sweets for you! Or even better: you trash things? no dinner for you/ no toys/ no tv/ no something. That should solve your issue.
I dunno what car you have but if you car breaks down 1-2 times a month then it's time to throw it out and use the bus/ bike/ buy a new car/ walk (see me other comment about letting them figure it out themselves).
Man we hate when someone tries hard with an unsuccessful method. It's like seeing a frustrated prisoner trying to pee on the wall of his cell daily and hoping that the friction will cause enough erosion for him to break free. The method is incredibly inefficient.
I don't have the authority to impose anything like that. It's one of the main conflicts between mother and I that ends up at the Mexican Standoff. And there is only the one sister; she's 13 now. Guess what happens if anyone sees marks on her at school? DHR...
I live 20 miles outside of town; the hills around here are not conducive to bikes. (plus ranging packs of dogs out in the country; you don't walk any godsdamn where.) There is no public transit where I live. And it's not just my car. It's mother's van, my car or anything else that could go wrong. You say it's foreseen; but where did I foresee it? You seem to be an expert in my perceptions; so, tell me?
And you need to see my comment on how my morality won't allow that. Also; remember that what you're suggesting would be preempted by some circumstance preventing my departure or return should things fuck up. I refuse to do anything without an option for retreat.
My generation was the last to receive a beating, but it didn't break me or my friends.
How good for you! Nice that you aren't broken; why do you think that I'm the same as you. Who fed you paint theory for so long?
The advice you give would be solid; if you were giving it to someone else. I've told you why I cannot take any of those steps.
Man, you're just questioning me at everything I say. For absolutely everything I say, you nitpick even the tiniest bad side possible and elaborate that.
Don't beat your sis, educate through imposing strict rules (see the "not allowed to ..." suggestion). You can't argue with your mom. You earn the money and you take care of the house and family -> you're in charge and she has to accept and lie down. Tell her that. If she starts crying it's not your problem; you're in charge and you don't give in to anyone. The is no "Mexican Standoff"; she has no upper hand in this.
There should be no "retreat". If you wanna do this, you do this! You don't give up until you succeed!
If you wanna succeed you should shift your morality a little. I'm not advocating to walk over corpses but this is a mess and your current logic is just keeping you in the mess.
The is no "Mexican Standoff"; she has no upper hand in this.
The Mexican Standoff is as follows. Back when I was really young and first having suicidal tendancies, Mother would often tell me that she would kill herself too "so we could die together." This kind of thing has continued to the point to where I can't talk about moving out, killing myself or anything like that without it triggering The Mexican Standoff. It does exist; she does have an upper hand, being the owner of the house and land and all.
I don't have the authority to issue any kind of rules; no one listens. If I try; she'll appeal to mother and I'll have to back off or risk triggering the Standoff. Every time; and the explosions of yelling that come from me when trying to impose any kind of order only get me in trouble for being 'too harsh.'
What happens if you fail so hard you end up homeless? The fact that you're advocating blind rushing and charging forward with no forethought seems suspicious... And I can't do that; if I fail, I quit. No other option; because past behavior and circumstances are the only true indicators of future behavior and circumstances. It takes so much out of me when it happens too; it's like every hope I ever had just dies all over again. Each and every time; so I've learned to not go through that unnecessary pain over and over just to satisfy people who think that I should be on top of the world.
I told you this was a main facet of my personality from the start; or I told someone else who had the bright idea to try and take the cause up and help me. I question everything; I have to purposely doubt some of what I see because it's not really there. That kind of colors over the rest of your ability to trust in any kind of advice.
But that would make me someone else; and if I can't be myself and get what I want, why should I want to be? It's like selling out. I can't alter my morality either; I've tried, but I'm just not capable of it. It's twenty plus years of psychological programming; that kind of shit doesn't get undone by the person who's been programmed.
You're shooting yourself down.
You say you wanna "be yourself" but your current self isn't doing you or your family any good. You and your family are just randomly drifting through life and waiting for a miracle to happen. By doing nothing -> it won't.
The "Mexican standoff" that your mother will kill herself: lel, let her do it. You don't wanna do it and neither does she. It's just bullshit to keep you in line. Even if she does do it -> good! You get the land, one less strain on your back, the rest of your family will be in grief and they'll behave/ be more lethargic -> less chaos.
You wanna be good to your mom? Is she good to you? Is she helping you grow and have an amazing and fulfilling life? No.
You wanna help her? Is she letting you help her? No. It's just like you and me: I wanna help you; are you letting me help you? Not really since you're just shutting me down.
Most of the world is selfish; your family included. Your sister doesn't think of you when she messes the things you order EVERY TIME. Edd doesn't think of you since you have to do all the shit and he's a couch potato from what you tell me "because he's scared of people" (bullshit). Your mom threatens you with suicide each time you try to improve your/ their life -> she's CLEARLY not trying to help you.
So basically you're being the mule of your "family" (that shit is less of a family than my somewhat broken parents) and you're here trying to tell me that you can't change your moral compass.
Make a choice man; a good choice!
You're so sociopathic it fucking hurts. She's the only reason I'm still alive, ass. If mother died; I'd just shoot myself because I don't want to deal with life as it is. It's like you have no emotions or attachments to other people. And you say that women are narcissists...
Your mom threatens you with suicide each time you try to improve your/ their life -> she's CLEARLY not trying to help you.
She only threatens suicide; when I talk of suicide. The rest of that is slippery slope type build up where one of us escalates the situation on the other to try and gain advantage. (Like talk of moving out starts into talk of selling sister-in-law's property to ensure success, that starts my doubts about whether they can ever do that--since I refuse to do that part for them--which escalates into we-should-never-try from mother to try and shut up my negativity, which leads into the 'suicidal Mexican Standoff.')
You've never been in that kind of situation, have you? Can you feel guilt or shame at all? You do know that those emotions are more powerful than any reasoning you can give, don't you?
I will; as soon as she dies and everyone else isn't looking so I can shoot myself in peace. Don't act like you fucking care about me; you don't. Anyone who would suggest to someone the things you have suggested; doesn't care about anyone else, they care about being right. I suppose that's why you've kept responding to me at all; you want to be right on me so hard you can taste it.
I'm sad that you think that.
Dude read around; even TRP advocated to cut out people from your life (family included!) that don't suit your agenda. There's a plethora of stories on people here (me included) that just cut out friends/ family/ girlfriends since these people are crabs that try to pull you down and hinder your growing desire.
This ain't about being right; it won't warm my coffee or soul if you magically say "Wow! Thanks for enlightening me!". You just sound really desperate and I wanted to offer a helping hand.
I've had tough times with my parents and I manned the fuck up and told them that I don't give a shit about them. Guess what? They're not stepping on my toes that much nowadays. I live happily free of them; I have no idea how they live and I don't care. I have my life to take care of.
It's good to care for people and I do care for people, but the right people. I can't care for family because "it's family". Once you're an adult you should act like one and be self sufficient, independent and resilient.
A cousin that half failed his life (he's ~40, single, overweight, a smoker, has fluctuating jobs) asked me the favor of getting him hired at the company I was working. I said "Sure! Here's some documentation about the company, what they do, and some internal workings. Here's also some things to read to get you ready for the interview. Once you got this down, call me and I'll put a word in for you.". It's been ~1 year since then and he didn't call. Me putting a word means that he would get in the front of the line for the interview queue and he would also probably get an interview that's a biiiit easier. Yet he never called. Moral of the story: I'll offer you my hand but I won't grab you and pull you up; I'll help once I see you grab on and start pulling yourself up.
Again, do you want a solution or not?
Neat; now tell me, did they have any property you wish to inherit? Because; I understand something about myself. I'm poor; and always will be. It's just the way things are. I stand a chance at having something to defend when the Squads come, and FEMA camp awaits.
No you're not. You're telling me to leave the only people who've ever cared out in the cold. No one else has cared enough about me to nurse me through the fits, through the spells of psychosis. How many people would say they love you after you've tried to kill yourself? Mother was the one to cut me down from the rafters when I tried to hang myself when my first real LTR broke down horribly. No one else cared; no one. No one else has believed that I would be anything other than worthless. (Hells, I don't even believe that I'll be anything more than worthless.)
Dude read around; even TRP advocated to cut out people from your life (family included!) that don't suit your agenda.
You don't even know what my agenda is. And I'm not that sociopathic; get that the fuck through. I'm not like that; I can't be like that. There are some guys who just can't into alpha behavior. But of course; you'll just say that I didn't try hard enough. No! Failure can't actually be a thing! That might mean I might get defeated!
It's good to care for people and I do care for people, but the right people.
If I replaced the words right people with white people would you condemn me for being racist? That kind of thinking leads to that. There are no right people; save those who prove themselves right. Someone who hasn't deserted me in crisis.
Moral of the story: I'll offer you my hand but I won't grab you and pull you up; I'll help once I see you grab on and start pulling yourself up.
Did you ever stop to think that some people aren't strong enough to pull themselves up? But that might mean that the Limitless Human Man Potential<sup>TM</sup> might not be universal!
A solution would be good; but you're not going to offer me one that doesn't involve turning my back on the last few people who even still think of me, wandering into a great unknown area with unknown people and other diverse variables, having no safety net to fall back on should that fail, and on top of that: changing jobs with no qualifications or marketable skills. All while I have severe stress anxiety, hallucinations (that means hearing and arguing with Voices! You can't do that in the city; you get the fuck arrested!), and other assorted mental illness. You're setting me up to get fucking institutionalized. And I've long said that I'll really kill myself if I ever lose my freedom to Jail or the Jacket.
You're not offering me a solution. You're saying be someone else.
There ya go! We're making progress. Yes! I said it before: the "you" that you're now is not doing you any good. Do you want to change that?
Staying with your family would make the uphill battle all the more steeper but not impossible and in your current state you don't have the willpower to do it.
There is limitless human potential but you say that not everyone has it; I'll say that not everyone wants it.
There are plenty of solutions to your problem; but sadly the problem is that you don't want solutions. I just spent hours trying to find a solution for you and convincing you to try but to no avail.
You can stay with your "family" but you must discipline yourself (win ALL fights with mother) and the family so that they aren't a burden on you anymore. Once you do that and are disciplined enough to get reintegrated into society, get a daytime job and things will slowly start falling into place.
PM me if you REALLY want advice (and actually take and apply it) and wanna fix this mess. Good luck!
Not really; especially if I would have to become Chad. Do you have any idea how much I hate Chad? I hate Chad more than I hate myself; but less than I hate the Old Man. Does that clear anything up for you? It's nearly pathological; and the worst part of it: I enjoy it. I love to hate; and when I get really going, it's a thunder that no one can quiet. My sadism is a terrible thing; and one of the reasons I say away from everyone.
That's why I place my morality so high; I had to claw for it. Since I rejected Christian religion very early; I had to build my own moral code from doing shit and getting kicked down for it. As a child I was a vicious terror; and when I think of hurting someone in any way, I like it. That's bad; it is, don't try and argue against it.
So, with that little reveal, I'll say that I do discipline myself somewhat. I could be much worse than I am now; probably get away with it too, since I have such a RL reputation for pacifism. (I adapted that because of how much I liked causing pain.)
There is limitless human potential but you say that not everyone has it; I'll say that not everyone wants it. There are plenty of solutions to your problem; but sadly the problem is that you don't want solutions. I just spent hours trying to find a solution for you and convincing you to try but to no avail.
To no avail for a reason; you seem to think that I'm like you. I'm not. Why did you spend those hours? Couldn't you have sensed from my words and posting history that you were dealing with someone mentally ill?
One of my nonfriends over at Apozi called me Satan Incarnate once because of all these things and because of how much I hated on his religion. We've since moved on from his apologetics phase...
[–]SoullessTechnocrat -1 points0 points1 point 10 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
I've tried this before; I cannot. What about that can you not get? Every thought trains away into another thought; I cannot control them. At all! If I think about dogs; for example... Sirius black animagus was a dog. former girlfriend was HP fanatic; Cue flashback on why she broke up with me and I'm a total loser.
you allready cheated by thinking about HP. I said dogs. No matter how deep you go down the train of you beeing a loser, you can allways think about dogs again.
I mean not what you connect in your mind with dogs, I mean what dogs are about. Like what dog are you thinking about, how does his bark sound? Is he tall, or small? What kinds of dogs are out there? What is the most famous dog in the world? Dont think about your life at all only about dogs.
Also : You will never convice yourself that you are not a loser. There is nothing to prove right? Just drop it.
It's like we're not really talking at all! You didn't what I said; *it doesn't matter about what the rules are! This is how my mind works; no exceptions! It won't do anything else. I cannot not* think about my life; it is ever present. I cannot chase the thought away; it always comes back.
It's not cheating; I literally cannot alter this kind of pattering. The thoughts are intrusive; and flashbacks must be broken with physical movement.
[–]TheKorken4 points 10 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
and flashbacks must be broken with physical movement.
Try doing what you planned to do, wether it will beak it or keep it up. Dont fight it. Immerse it.
Also I dont want to fight your frame. I'm just giving you a suggestion how you could do it diffrent.
[–]JimFury3 points 10 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
There's no point trying to help this guy right now. His mind is made up he's not there yet.
[–]Psychonaut31 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
What you're feeling now is part of the process. This pain can mold you. If you're not exercising eating healthy and getting good sleep don't expect to feel good. Every human being needs these things to feel good, you're lucky if you feel horrible not doing it. It means your body is sending messages and not letting you die. I have also done LSD and it doesn't change you. It's only just intense emotion that's it, you need action. If you don't know what you want start with the 3 things I mentioned above.
[–]SoullessTechnocrat -1 points0 points1 point 10 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
This pain can mold you. If you're not exercising eating healthy and getting good sleep don't expect to feel good.
I can't do that. I work third shift and our house is terribly infested with bugs. Nothing can be stored for very long without contamination. And with everyone else being awake in the day; and me required to be awake a night; Sleep is a pipedream.
And if this pain is supposed to mold me? That's just another reason why I think that the universe itself is wrong for ever existing. Fuck that. It's retarded and serves no real purpose.
It means your body is sending messages and not letting you die. I have also done LSD and it doesn't change you. It's only just intense emotion that's it, you need action. If you don't know what you want start with the 3 things I mentioned above.
It's like no one reads posts... Not me, not you, not anyone else.
[–]JimFury1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Sounds like you really need to get your life on track. No ones life is such a mess it can't be fixed. If you're not willing to go out of your comfort zone and listen to the fantastic advice people have been giving you for whatever reason than this isn't the place for you. You're not there yet. After reading a ton of your previous posts it seems you're just seeking attention. Wanting people to tell you it'll be fine so you can say how dark your life is. Guess what its not going to be okay unless you man the fuck up and deal with it.
[–]Psychonaut32 points 10 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
Yeah this also souless if you're being honest and there is objectively nothing you can do, commit suicide. I've felt the pain of depression if I couldn't do anything about it I would've done it. It's just my opinion but I don't think that's selfish. However quit your job, move. it's gonna take a while to get better but with your attitude maybe you're just meant to die.
Why don't you leave? What's the deal? How old are you? Where are you in life? Who depends on you?
[–]NoFap_Newb 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I cannot regulate anything but going to work; the incompetents and the illness ridden have priority.
This may be your escape hatch right here. I know it sounds crazy, but really. If the most important thing in your life is caring for those around you, and that's what's stopping you from reaching for the abyss, listen up. You've got to start taking care of you - your the linchpin holding the whole cart together. You've got to find ten minutes a day, it doesn't even have to be the same time of day. Just ten minutes to take care of yourself. I want you to find a copy of "the brain that changes itself" and read it. Just ten minutes a day. When you finish it, whether it's in a few months, or a year, you'll feel just a tiny bit better. Then take that ten minutes a day, and put it towards something else.
[–]TurboApe-3 points-2 points-1 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This is an imperative platitude.
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