Pretty common question that's most often answered incorrectly. This post, like many of my others, is about how to engage with people, tell them about your passions, and get them to speak about theirs.

I network a lot for business. Like, 3, 4 events a week, every week. Shaking hands is how I get new clients.

I also like to go out and meet new people (yes, women) just socially.

Hey, guess what the most common question is that people ask someone they just met?

"So Whaddya Do?"

Actually, What Do You Do?

One assumes that, especially at networking but also out hunting, the questioner seeks a direct, discrete response to this question, that response being a dry and technically correct statement of one's skill, trade or occupation. And it very well could be that.

On a broader level, though, people don't know how to make conversation. I've been networking and talking to total strangers for decades, and "what do you do" is a common intro question that rarely means "tell me what you do then we're done talking to each other".

I'll Tell You What I Do, Buddy!

Standard RP theory states that part of being an RP male is having a mission, something in one's life that is above career, family, fitness, and even hobbies. Something that makes one stand out as working toward a higher good rather than individual accomplishment.

I am 100% on board with this idea, because I consistently see favorable reactions and have better interactions with people when discussing passions rather than technicalities.

Which is more interesting:

I'm a business lawyer

or

I work with high school and middle school kids as a football referee to help them develop into adults by teaching them teamwork, maturity, and sportsmanship

I "do" both of these.

What one "does" for a living often is not what gives a man life, energy and purpose. Your mission sets you apart from the hundreds of other business lawyers out there. Which one would you rather talk with me about, if you and I had five minutes to chat at a networking event?

Okay, Tell Them What You Do

""So Whaddya Do?"

is a great chance to enter into a more meaningful and expository conversation with someone. I see this every time I tell people, "Well, I'll tell you what I do for fun, I referee high school football games" (hand-egg, for you Europeans).

Oh. You're a business lawyer.

or

Wow! That sounds incredible, what do you like about doing that?

Conversation thus ensues.

do_not_read_this, Why Is This?

When I left the law firm to go on my own back in 2006, many big law firm lawyers I knew privately expressed envy at my having the gumption to kick convention in the pants and go my own path. People's lives are boring if they're just traveling the straight and narrow. They're stuck. They live vicariously through people who do things they wish they could be doing. They want to know more, they want to talk about something other than their boring lives or my boring life.

When I tell people about the first chilly Fiday night I officiated a high school varsity football game, with the Sun setting over the mountains in the West, and the full moon rising over the pines behind the goal posts, they can see, through me, what having passion for a mission is like.

Showing people what gives you passion an incredible way to engage in a conversation.

"So Whaddya Do?"

I tell them outright, "this is my passion, my mission, I'm a business lawyer by day but at night ..." Learn to talk to people while at the same time setting yourself apart from the herd. Start a conversation, don't just do Q&A.

Hey, you know what? When I give the answer to ""So Whaddya Do?", guess what I ask them?

Nope, not that. I ask them, "tell me what's your mission? What's your passion?"

If you liked this post, check out my post on how to talk to strangers, search my post history for

Ditch "cold approach" in favor of "learn how to initiate conversations with strangers" without having a goal other than the initiation itself.

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