Struggling with Fidelity in a LTR

MattBoBat · 2014-10-23T19:43:46+00:00

Are you unwilling to end the relationship because you have a scarcity mindset that another woman as good as her won't come along and be in a LTR/have kids with you?

You said it yourself there is nothing in particular that gets you excited about your current woman, so would it really matter if she was the one who had your children or some new chick you may meet in the future? Why cheat when you can end it and have guilt free sex with a plethora of women?

babyicanchange · 2014-10-23T20:35:35+00:00

I know this advice goes against the group think.

Some women are loyal but they are few and far between. The new generations coming up has zero respect for loyalty and that goes for both genders however there still are some out there who treasure these things. I find the further down the generations you go the less this is treasured with my generation being less common and the generation after it is rare.

Now I never really understood how everyone here craps on about men loving more than women in my case it is completely opposite. I am the one who doesn't love someone completely I could break up with my LTR tomorrow and I would shrug it off and be fine it drives my girlfriend crazy. So I am proof there are always exceptions to the rules so is your girlfriend one?

So now you have to decide what you want. Do you want to screw around or do you want to have kids with this women? Does she make your life better or worse? Do you want to risk the relationship by either cheating and getting caught or suggesting opening it up and damaging the relationship?

Asking the internet for help with the above is just silly.

babyicanchange · 2014-10-23T19:51:02+00:00

Sounds like you're the one incapable of loyalty.

Don't be a bitch: either break up with her and bang dem hoes or stay put. Basically it boils down on how important this relationship is for you.

fyseaking · 2014-10-23T19:47:54+00:00

IF you really don't give a fuck then tell your girl you want an open relationship.

If she doesn't want to then tell her you weren't asking for an opinion and you're going to do it anyway. She can either stay or leave.

Cheating is pretty cowardly and a captain shouldn't behave as such.

Just lead the way to where you want to go and if she doesn't want to sail with you she can abort your ship while others board it and enjoy the ride.

ScottishIslander · 2014-10-23T21:37:53+00:00

You are just trying to rationalize cheating.

Yes, the way men love and the way women love are fundamentally different. Yes she COULD cheat on you if you lose frame. But she hasn't. You have to remember that there is more to life than this red pill philosophy.

One year ago my LTR had a one month affair with a married man before I caught her. It was terrible. I was completely trusting of her and the betrayal scarred me very deep. Even after one year I still cannot shake the thought of the betrayal.

Afterwards I met a girl who had a boyfriend, but wanted to sleep with me. I said well fuck, the guy who fucked my LTR didn't give a shit about me, so why should I give a shit about the stranger who's dating this chick? So I fucked her.

But later on I realized that it was the wrong choice. All the pain that my ex (and the married guy) had caused me, I was now causing the same pain onto some other guy.

If you sleep with other women, you will be causing that pain onto her. And let me tell you its a really tough pain to deal with. If you want to be a real man you need to make the tough choices - either keep this chick and stay faithful or leave her and fuck other women.

In my opinion, one good chick is worth 1000 random pussies. But that's me.

blue2red · 2014-10-23T19:48:43+00:00

I have had these exact same thoughts recently. Im still new to trp so im really quite confused at the moment as I transition to the new me. My life has been so much better since I found this sub. I am interested to read what others have to say about this though.

Jessie_James · 2014-10-23T20:36:43+00:00

Why should I stay loyal to someone who is inherently incapable of loyalty?

So you're saying she IS going to cheat on you?

I think you are making excuses here. I've been with my wife for over 10 years and she simply would never do that. She's an 8/10 IMO, and I'm a solid 6/7. But I am RP, and she knows it.

Many women who are happy with their man have zero desire to cheat.

What it sounds like to me is that you want to sleep around. You want a more wild sex life. And that's ok if you pick the right partner. She is a nice girl and doesn't want to do that. As far as we all know.

Right?

If so, then she is the wrong woman for you.

I specifically married my wife because she is bi and we frequently bring other women home and have sex with together. We have a wild sex life, and sex with other people does not get in the way of our marriage. However, if I were to cheat (or she were to) then it would be an instant divorce. And we both agree on that.

So I say to you ... if your wife was onboard with threesomes and other women, would you be thinking about kicking her to the curb?

Probably not.

So either you are honest with her and tell her what you want, and she accepts it or she dumps you. Or you don't tell her, and you end up cheating on (what sounds like) a nice woman who has treated you well.

TFCNU · 2014-10-23T20:35:36+00:00

It seems to me you're doing a lot of work on the hope that this girl will be the mother of your children. You've been with her 5 years. There are no children. Time to shit or get off the pot. If you want kids, have kids. It might even suppress the urge to cheat for a year or two. Otherwise, move on. Stop putting this girl on the "mother of my children" pedestal before she's pregnant.

2014-10-23T20:42:00+00:00

Do what you want and pay the price.

Don't use us as a substitute for making your own decisions.

TheSKSpecial · 2014-10-23T20:58:24+00:00

That feeling's not going to go away, and you're running a real risk of torpedoing your relationship with "the future mother of your kids" since you just have to cheat.

So you can either leave or tell her you want to open up the relationship. If your SMV is that much higher than hers like you say, she may just be OK with it. Women would rather share an alpha than have their own committed beta.

Either way, own up to your decision.

circlhat · 2014-10-24T04:38:52+00:00

I going to tell you a story about my girlfriends old Alpha. He cheated on her and told her he wanted to fuck her and another girl. My girlfriend agreed.

Rather than get all bitchy and whiny about this fact I think this man for learning his natural alpha state.

I'd say I'm a 9/10. If I had never swallowed the pill I'd be a 4/10.

Never forget that, you are not a natural alpha and that is a good thing because a natural alpha is a step back.

My advice is tell her you want to make her your main chick but you need to be fulfilled sexually, don't blame it on her failures as a women(Which she will instinctively see it as). Just tell her you need to do this.

You will have instant built in dread game for life and to be honest I know many Alphas who do this very thing, they have 1-2 women are home and they go out and fuck randoms.

2014-10-23T19:44:50+00:00

It sounds to me like you are asking the group for permission. It's your decision. I would ask yourself why you are still there though. Sure, the LTR is going along fine, but do you WANT it? Just because there isn't something wrong doesn't mean you need to continue it if it isn't what you want.

Masonjarteadrinker2 · 2014-10-23T20:27:44+00:00

If the opportunity arises then take it, just use a rubber and don't get caught. If you're eventually looking to not be with this woman then just leave her now, there's no point in stringing her a long in hopes of Marriage or whatever it is that she wants.

jcslzr · 2014-10-23T21:47:46+00:00

i would say what you feel is normal, or at least that is how i think most men feel.

in my opinion if you really dont want to risk what you have the solution is this: hookers

i think if you get plates sooner or later she will find out

just my 2 cents probably guys here know how to hide it, i have never try it and i dont think i would be successful for long

also if she finds out there is a difference between a hooker and a lover, well that is how i see it, i have not asked

Lt_Muffintoes · 2014-10-23T22:04:26+00:00

Sounds like this might help you

http://www.fdrurl.com/RTRPDF

Glenbert · 2014-10-23T22:47:32+00:00

So you're a 9, but had it not been for this particular sub you'd be a 4?

My_Dog_Jax · 2014-10-24T16:31:54+00:00

Just tell her you want an open relationship. If you want her not to be sleeping with other people, say that it's only open for you. If you're everything that you are claiming to be this won't be a problem for you.

Seuguh · 2014-11-04T00:38:40+00:00

Sounds like you're very very insecure deep down. She hasn't cheated, you said she checks out on the decent girl that didn't ride the carousel card, said she's mother material etc. Everything about her is positive. On the other hand, you said you will never love again, and you're pointing the finger at HER inability to love when you just said that everything checks out ok with her.

Keep your dick in the relationship man. Don't go out and cheat only to have the mother of your kids find out later and leave your ass, destroying your family in the process. Find ways to get her more into you and secure her heart/mind. Maybe you should step up and have a D/s relationship or something.

gggkin · 2014-10-23T21:34:53+00:00

Believe it or not OP but it's possible to have your cake and eat it too.

Have you ever heard of /r/cuckqueancommunity or Sub who don't mind or even encourage their Dom to have another woman? Read up more on /r/cuckqueancommunity or /r/bdsmcommunity and you'll see the a few of these post come up.

In order for this to happen though, first you "put" her in a frame of mind that she wants to please you very much.

Some women don't need convincing. She'll even bring it up to you they are the minority. In some culture though, guys having side dishes is to be expected and women will simply look the other way as long as the guy doesn't embarrass them by being open about his mistress in public.

If I were you, here's what I'd do.

First, introduce her to the idea of 3some and eventually show her the cuckqueancommunity subreddit. Chances are low that she'll be down for it but it wouldn't know unless you try.
If she's not turned on by it or totally against it, it's time to "change" her. Try introducing her to Dom/Sub relationship. For the next 6 months, make it your mission to change her into wanting to please you no what.
6 months later, talk to her about having another "sub" or making her a cuckquean again. If you do it right, chances are she wouldn't care or even be open to the idea.

Now you don't have to cheat. If you condition her right during the "training" period, she might even get turned on by the idea of you fucking another girl, similar to how cuckold get turned on by her woman being mounted by another man.

At the end of the day, we're all very similar. Taste, preferences, ideal could easily be "persuaded" with the right condition and environment.

pms777 · 2014-10-24T00:57:02+00:00

IF you can cheat without it affecting your relationship THEN I don't see a reason why not to do.

This is the what matters. Others can save their morals, ethics, fidelity conscruct and similar unnatural bullshit to themselves and their decision making process. You do not need to worry about it.

DougieTheCaker · 2014-10-24T00:07:23+00:00

Part of being a good person, unlike the typical spineless gutless shmucks inhabiting this planet, is to transcend your nature. Do what you believe is right philosophically/ethically/morally in spite of your 'biological imperatives'. RP preaches woman are incapable of this, stripping them of moral agency. Yet men who have their own biological imperatives are somehow superior. We really can't have it both ways, RP sexual strategy is completely amoral and you just do whatever the hell you want in relationships, or you actually hold yourself to a standard and you partner to one as well.

If you go with route #1 (amoral sexual strategy) it would seem like every man must date down to satisfy womans hypergamy needs ie we are conforming to THEM.

Do what you want.

wantonton · 2014-10-23T21:30:24+00:00

I know there are a number of responses, but I'll add mine anyway.

You're being a bit of a bitch about this. In essence you're saying it's unfair that you have to give her something (loyalty) knowing that she can't give it back (the best you can get is her admiration so long as you bust ass everyday to keep it).

This is life, suck it up.

Actually, you don't know that the above is how it stands (maybe you do but failed to include the info in your post). She might not leave you if you sleep around, (many) women would rather share the best that have a loser all to themselves. If your current won't then leave her for one that will.

If you aren't willing to do either of the above, then it's because she means too much to you (oneitis anyone?) and you'd rather have her than sleep around. There's nothing wrong with that. But, if that's what you chose own it as your choice and don't blame her. She is what she is, it's your choice to accept her as a partner, or not, that's at issue here.

Good luck.

Title	Struggling with Fidelity in a LTR
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	6
Comments	42
Date	October 23, 2014 7:20 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/2k4ge7/struggling_with_fidelity_in_a_ltr/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/struggling-with-fidelity-in-a-ltr.23490 https://theredarchive.com/post/23490

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