I recently found the red pill. I found it in a good point of my life, too. Although I haven't completely swallowed the pill, I am trying. It's hard to swallow, because of a few reasons. It kinda goes against the view of reality that I was given and the reality that I wanted. I was raised religious, and wholeheartedly believed everything. I thought that the apex of living was to be a good, honest, caring, loving.... blah, blah person and everything will fall into place, and that there is good in people and that people will do the right thing if given the chance.

I'd go out of my way to help others (girls and guys) not wanting any validation or other bullshit, but just because it's the right thing to do and that I genuinely cared about people's well-being. Of course most of that was never reciprocated. Often times, people don't even remember that you have been kind to them, which was fine and I didn't care, because that wasn't the point of doing things. If those individuals are mistrusting people, no matter what you do, they will not trust you. If those individuals are kind, they will be kind with or without you around.

It wasn't until my mid 20's that I noticed that the human experience is so much more complex than what I thought and all that "genuine" stuff doesn't "work" often times. One time I had a really bad day at work, and I went through a roller coaster of emotions and became a train wreck. I texted a friend and I asked that she come and just be around me because I was really depressed and I needed someone around; she said she had dinner plans. This is the girl who would always say that she is kind and she loves and cares about people, and always come to me about the various bullshit in life, and I'd go out of my way to help her in her life, career, and other nonsense. I called another girl. Same question, depressed, need a friend. My voice was watery-sounding and the sound of my own voice was weird to me. I couldn't even form real sentences; she had dinner plans. Called a male friend. I didn't tell him how I was feeling, but I just told him come to a certain location. He came but he couldn't find me and I wasn't picking up my phone and I had no reception. I went to the hills somewhere and listened to music for an hour and I thought to myself that this really sucks. I had been there for all 3 of these people in the past, and in my moment of need where I am literally reaching out for help and depressed, dinner plans were more important than helping a friend. Shit, they have phone hotlines for this, but I couldn't get a friend to come to me. You fucking eat dinner everyday. Fucking dinner plans on a Tuesday. It was even fucking Tuesday not even a date night. Fuck, I'd go days without eating if they had called and asked for me to be there for them. This is when I started to swallow the red pill. In this world, you can't really expect anyone to do anything no matter who they are and what they say.

My old mentally only works if you are always around like-minded people and most of the time, you aren't around people who feel/think/care like you. Chances are you won't even meet very many people like that. And often times, people are jaded or crazy as fuck, and all your intentions are misinterpreted. Plus everyone tends to be a hero in their own autobiography and their life, so their poor behavior is forgotten or rationalized away - I guess that's the hamster.

Here is another lame-ass example: I remember one time I was hanging with my buddy's GF, because he was out with his family, and since she is insane, he doesn't allow her to be around his family. I felt bad for this girl. She obviously has issues. I went out of my way to be nice to her and invite her to hang out with me and my other friends. It was normal stuff, nothing too big. I complimented her and tried to be nice, because it must suck to be alone on a Friday because your BF of 3 years doesn't think you are good enough to be around his family. The night was blah. A few days go by and my friend says that his GF think I am pretty "douchy". That surprised me, and I was like "WTF". I tried to nice to a girl with zero friends and the only person who is nice to her is called a "douche". Then, I remembered that bitches be crazy.

I am so tired of people's bullshit: male and female. I was the typical nice guy. A real nice guy, not that he is nice and he is trying to fuck your girlfriend. I was honest and caring and all that bullshit, because I thought that was the right way to be. Years passed and I got jaded. I realized most people suck, and that you'll be taken advantage of in relationships, friendships, careers, at the bar... and whatever, because people see you as someone who they can use. They will take and take and never give back. There is no justice in human interaction. People will take if you let them. They won't give if they are not givers.

What does this have to do with my title? After not cussing or a quarter of a century, I have adopted the way of the sailors and I cuss very often and I think it helps me with the red pill. My mantra is "Fuck this shit", and it really helps me put a lot of things in perspective. It helps me realize what's not important and it's pretty much me vs the world. All people come and go and I should do what improves me. Don't give girls (and guys) the benefit of the doubt, because most often there is no greatness in most people.

Anyways, I typed a lot, some of it is just me typing and thinking, but I'd like to hear your thoughts.