There have been a couple of posts lately on the concept of a "value taker". I came to the realization today that I am a good example of the ultimate taker.

  • I don't organize events, or invite people to things.
  • I wait to be invited to things
  • I go out to bars/clubs alone. I'll chat a little with people, but tend to be too nervous / in my head to really let go.

I'm successful with online dating because I'm reasonably high smv physically and financially. When I meet a girl from online, we're alone, and they don't realize that I'm basically friendless and terrible in social situations. When I'm one on one with a girl, I'm quite a bit of fun - lots of funny banter and kino - but this is learned behaviour and is very different than when I'm in a social group. One on one is easier because there's no one else there to argue with me, make fun of me, or take control of the situation - I can more or less control the conversation.

The problem is this: Creating events, and inviting people to things is a risk. What if they don't like it, or me, or I make a mistake and make a fool or myself? Being fun and silly, talking to strangers at a bar, putting my arm around someone that I don't know well (other than a girl I'm trying to bang in a one on one situation) - these things make me feel incredibly anxious. Even writing this is making my heart race.

So I don't. Instead, I wallflower at a busy bar, anonymously, risk-free, waiting for someone to come up to me...and they do occasionally, but then I feel weird and awkward and the conversation dies...and they drift away soon after.

How do I possibly break this cycle? I don't even know where to start.