Hello all, I’m finding myself grow less and less tolerant of my close friends dating life and wondering if anyone can relate or give advice. Cutting her off isn’t really in the question as I have known her my whole life & our friendship outside of this situation is really positive.

So my closest friend and I moved in together a few years ago which is when she began seeing a guy I’ll refer to as G1. He was ok, but gave me a bad vibe as their first date was take out at our house and he just gave me a weird, conservative vibe right away, but she was smitten. Over the next few months they got close but avoided the commitment talk because he had a sob story about his ex fiancée cheating on him. He kept her on the line by inviting her on trips out of state, buying her mid tier jewellery and telling promises that in 11 months he would be ready to commit to her. She came to me for advice as her heart grew more and more weary for actual commitment, and I told her that she needs to walk away and find someone that isn’t using her for free sex and validation while searching for a girl he actually would want to commit to.

She took this week and told him she didn’t think she could go on so he changed the goalposts and claimed he would be ready for commitment in THREE months. She started seeing him on and off “no feelings casual” in her words but I knew she would always secretly want more because of how much she cared for him, and the fake emotional bond he’s probably trapped her in. Things got quiet and she stopped seeing him but she never fully blocked him so he’d just come in and out of her life at times for sex/ the occasional date.

They began seeing each other again more recently and went on another out of state trip, with all his friends present. He told her he loved her and I still reminded her that I didn’t think he was a good person and that he had faked this sob story to keep her around so he could use her for sex, attention and to show her off around his friends.

The timelines a little blurry but she finally got fed up with him and started seeing his close friend, G2.

I thought I was in the clear with this situation but she has been dating G2, who is dating her behind his close friends back. Meanwhile G1 is hounding her, calling her up and crying about how much he loves her, despite being in a relationship with another girl (not so scared of commitment after all🙄). G1 and G2 are in the same friend circle, and they are being fwb behind G1’s back because he has said that if he found out they were seeing each other, he would violently harm G2 (and possibly my friend, despite her saying he would never hurt her). She told me that G1 had been very violent in the past, something she had never told me until now, and seemed to laugh it off. Whereas for me it was very alarming and a confirmation of the bad bad vibes he gave me. She seems to find that jealous possessiveness attractive, but I just think it screams abusive.

I am so sick of watching her prioritise G1 over my friendship with her. In the past she would blow us off early to go see him, waste weekends away with him and his friends and has spent so much time and energy talking to us about his behaviour. Now she is doing the same with G2, spending our alone time on the phone with him, leaving dinner events early to see him and constantly talking about how jealous she is going to make G1 by dating his friend.

I really feel for her because I can only imagine the lies and deception that G1 presented to keep her on the hook for almost 3 years. But I am SO TIRED of it, had she just blocked him and moved on the first time he disrespected her, she would probably be with someone decent.

Whenever I oppose her relationships, I feel I come off as jealousy, possessive, bitter and cruel. I have been in her position in the past sort of, but 3 years is a long time to learn the same lesson over and over. My friend group has no problems expressing their negative feelings about my past partners, but for some reason G1 is off limits and our friend group just accepts it.

I just wanted to get this off my chest because I find it hard to be around her now. I love her with my whole heart but I just cannot stand hearing about it.

It was kind of funny at first the way she played G1 but now it’s almost sad? The amount of time & energy that she’s dedicating to this one man. Is my only option to politely leave/ignore conversations about him? Am I right in being fed up of hearing about this situation?