Does the cringe ever go away?

sewingmachinesavior · 2021-09-12T17:23:30+00:00

I found Brene Browns books to be life changing for how I deal with the shame surrounding things I had no real control over because I didn’t know better. Start with Daring Greatly, and read them in order of publication. I’ve been through most of them at least twice.

And in the words of Maya Angelou, When you know better, do better.

We can’t change our awful childhoods, but we can learn to keep ourselves (inner child) safe now.

dancedancedance7 · 2021-09-12T23:11:47+00:00

The cringe is very real and very painful. Knowing it was due to bad societal conditioning like for most women helps a bit. You need to work on forgiving yourself, but I don't mean this in some fluffy granola spiritual way.

Real forgiveness comes from the confidence that you will never sell yourself out like that again. I forgive myself bit by bit everyday when I opt out of situations that are not good for myself respect and self-esteem and instead choose to invest in myself, like my health and finances. My life today is a million miles away from my pick me past.

What happened in the past can't be erased, and it's never fun to look at, but it serves as a reminder for why you need to keep making good choices.

mixtaperuined · 2021-09-13T01:31:27+00:00

What you are describing is exactly how I feel sometimes and it intensifies before my period

Therapy will help you a lot to be able to process whatever happened and to be able to forgive yourself because every human being is simply a product of their own environment and of the ideas that they get fed while they are children, you didn’t know any better, you had no guidance. Most importantly is that you now know your worth and how men should treat you. You will get past that, I promise

I was suicidal for about 3 months because of the flashbacks I used to get when I let a scrote take advantage of me sexually and financially, but it gets better by time and therapy , I assure you

lucidlotus · 2021-09-13T11:25:08+00:00

I didn’t find traditional therapy helped me either. Multiple therapists over many years. What did help was EMDR therapy with an EMDRIA-trained therapist. It really reduced the emotional charge associated with the PTSD and memories (just FYI if you ever consider therapy again).

And I second the poster who said knowing it’s due to bad societal conditioning. I’m still uncovering all the ways this is true. It’s quite mind blowing.

heliodrome · 2021-09-13T13:58:42+00:00

Luckily some of my therapy was compounding insofar that I understood that my relationships were trauma response and any more trauma that was perpetuated in them was based on my initial conditioning and upbringing, so I was able to forgive myself for these relationships as part of a response to my initial trauma. I do not see them as real relationships now that I see things clearly.

Title	Does the cringe ever go away?
Author	Livia_Drusila
Upvotes	104
Comments	8
Date	September 12, 2021 3:48 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askFDS
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/AskFDS/comments/pmv519/does_the_cringe_ever_go_away/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askFDS/does-the-cringe-ever-go-away.1069093 https://theredarchive.com/post/1069093

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