How to avoid being used by a guy while he prepares to date a woman he desires more?

Crushed_Avocado · 2021-01-22T19:08:37+00:00

I think Sheera and Deborah are bang on CORRECT! A man who will let you help him build his career, his money, achieve his goals, motivate him etc will likely grow to resent you and your value in his eyes will diminish because you settled for a version of himself that even HE thought wasn’t good enough (hence wanting to improve himself and take any help he can).

He will quite happily benefit from your help, your emotional support, your sex, your cleaning and cooking, your boosting of his ego, your love and your feedback, while also slowly growing to resent you and feel ashamed that you knew him at his lowest.

He will then take all the improvements he’s made in his career, his personality, his approach to relationships, and his improved self esteem and use that to get a woman who’s “better” than you because he now believes he can get her.

He’ll break up with you and go looking for her. This almost never happens because they come crawling back trying to get in touch or “be friends” or get back together. This is because they failed to see that they never did stand on their own two feet, and that their perceived improvements were in large part due to your selfless support.

By then you’ll be single and glowing, free from this emotional vampire and looking and feeling so damn BOMB that you’ll realise he’s basically beneath you in every way.

Tale as old as time.

Be proud that you’re so young and so woke to this bs, learn from those of us who got here by trial and error.

Good luck!!

Edit for typo

naturopathicfantasti · 2021-01-22T16:21:36+00:00

Everything you said are great ways to avoid this. Especially not moving in with someone.

I’ll add to this, be on the look out for a “tragedy” that strikes his life. There will be one. This is when many LVM will groom you to take care of them.

It seems so simple. I care about this person, something horrible has happened. I’m absolutely willing to step up and help in any way I can” whatever help you give at this time will be help you’ll be expected to give forever more.

penelopekitty · 2021-01-22T13:12:34+00:00

That sounds like a good plan and more than fair. Also, never forget that you are the prize. I wish I had resources like FDS and Deborrah Cooper when I was your age. It would have saved me decades of pain. Stick to your guns and you'll be just fine.

saint-jezebel · 2021-01-22T16:23:03+00:00

Yes. I watch both and the are very correct. They are saying the same thing.

Essentially, building with a man is basically helping a man achieve financial stability. So what does that mean? It means you’re helping him to build as long as you are contributing to the relationship (predominantly) financially. Shera always advises dating older men who are more established to keep yourself from going down this road. Both are going to tell you to not contribute financially. The best way to do that is to make sure a man can’t get to your money.

Deborrah has told her story and she basically didn’t work. Shera was/is the same, however, she always preaches about not being upfront about your line of work, how much you make, or saying you do something in which he can’t rely on your money. This is very important because if you date a man your age or even a little older (35 would be too young for Shera still) you have to “depend” on him financially so that he’s put too much money in to you to leave you. When you put in half, in his mind, you got it so if he leaves, you will be good.

Now if you want to have a career and goals, that’s fine, but he still needs to be caring and providing for you and when it comes to wanting to have your career and a provider, provider needs to be the priority and not career. What I mean by that is, if you want a provider but your career can afford you a $150k salary, that man needs not know that and he also needs to be bringing in way more for your career and earnings to never be bought up or an issue. He needs to make more to provide, you need not ever negotiate contributing and your career is all yours. That’s it.

A lot of it comes off as confusing and like we have to hide ourselves, but a wife’s role is to support and a husbands role is to provide. You can have a career but don’t forget the role.

Title	How to avoid being used by a guy while he prepares to date a woman he desires more?
Author	questionasker012
Upvotes	100
Comments	11
Date	January 22, 2021 12:35 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askFDS
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/AskFDS/comments/l2bvwi/how_to_avoid_being_used_by_a_guy_while_he/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askFDS/how-to-avoid-being-used-by-a-guy-while-he-prepares.1059725 https://theredarchive.com/post/1059725