Hello ladies of FDS.

Before I found this sub a months ago, I held the belief that this relationship would be of benefit to me. It was with a guy from a dating app that was significantly older and I wanted to share my experience so as to help anyone that might be in a similar one.

So I thought that having this relationship was better than having no relationship at all. I used to suffer from low esteem and depression until I went to therapy. I liked the validation from this man and I would actually feel a rush of adrenaline seeing his name on my phone. I also think I fell into a dark hole with my social media because every post and video I saw was about liking a guy, getting a guy, dating, sex etc etc. I was miserable and all I could think about was men.

So now to the relationship. He was older and would reference this often. He was surprised I knew how to drive even though I’d driven to see him before.

In the beginning he was extremely caring and sweet, messaging me all the time, making sure I was ok after meeting up, asking about myself etc. He would be considerate of my time and my boundaries and this maybe lasted one month or so.

Over time this very very subtlety diminished until I felt like I was going insane because he would throw me crumbs of affection once or twice a month. I felt like I was mental.

He would unload all of his problems onto me, telling me about his failed relationships, his poor mental health, suicidal thoughts. I would go home feeling extremely drained and I didn’t realise why.

He rubbed talking to other girls in my face and would send me photos of them, their belongings that they left at his house, obviously looking for a reaction. This is a 26 year old man. Very sad.

He FORGOT my name. I’d known him for over a year. This was the moment I knew I had to stop this. I have never felt so horrible but what did I expect?

He made passes at my friends and family. He made jokes about my body. My friends told me to leave because he was disrespectful and I told them they were wrong. I’m so ashamed of this now.

He said to me “if I treat you so badly then why do you keep coming back?”. He knew what he was doing and how it benefited him. I felt like I couldn’t leave the dynamic because I defended him to my friends. When we were together he made sure he was extra sweet and kind.

I hope this is appropriate to post in this sub but I just wanted to share my experience. I’m in therapy because of all of this and I haven’t dated for months now. I’m getting excellent college grades and my mental health has never been better, please don’t let ANYONE disrespect you, please.