Hi ladies,

I (26F) kind of on the fence about this guy (38M) that I’m dating. But I am having doubts about him. We met on Tinder and have been dating for about 10 months Here are the pros and cons of dating him. Can you help me decide? Because I am losing my mind

PROS

  1. He is a popular public figure and does good deeds for our community
  2. He always helps out anyone who is in need
  3. He cooks really well
  4. He is really interested in getting to know me, my family and my culture (I am an immigrant to the country I’m living in and this is very important to me)
  5. He has a big social circle full of really kind and caring people. Because I don’t know many people in my city, it helps that I am making friends with his friends and expanding my circle.
  6. He caters to my needs, even when I don’t ask. Like today I was studying for this course I’m taking and I brought me food, water etc to me just so I didn’t have to get up and get distracted.
  7. I am very ambitious and he supports that. My experience with men in the past is that they get intimidated or try to put me down when I talk about my dreams whereas he says that he is really proud of me and supports my dreams.

CONS

  1. He is shit at keeping his apartment clean
  2. He is still friends with many of his past girlfriends/fuck buddies
  3. He explicitly talks about how he finds other women attractive in front of me (celebrities, people he knows etc)
  4. He admitted to me that he has commitment issues (although he told me when we started dating that he is ready to settle down etc)
  5. He told me that he loved me once but never said it again so I asked him if he really meant it and he said no. And then when I was going cold on him and felt like I was about to break up, he took it back and said he loved me and that “he just realized it etc” 🙄. He hasn’t said it since that time. And I believe he was bullshitting just to get me to stay.
  6. He still has dating apps on his phone. I don’t know if he is still active on them but I’ve seen the apps there. However I snooped on his iPad today which has all his texts, and there’s nothing suspicious there. I’m inclined to believe he is not active but I also want to be cautious.

Things are getting serious with this guy. I’ve introduced him to my brother and my brother really likes him. He really wants to visit my country to meet my parents soon but I am definitely not ready to make that commitment any time soon. I don’t know if I should feel ready after 10 months of dating... I don’t know if the red flags are very bad and if I should leave right away. Or if I should stay and see if things change? Or maybe I’m blowing things out of proportion.

Your advice would be much appreciated ♥️