Things have changed pretty drastically in the last month. Not only have I been STFU. I am starting to use AM/AA pretty well. I also am thinking before I speak and saying a lot less than I normally do.

Lifting has been making me feel good all around. Confidence. DGAF. Good moods. Energy. Etc.

I’m def getting Flack from her but I honest have got to a point IDGAF. This focus has changed from all her to me. (I’m stilling working on but heading in the right direction).

I just purchased the MAP and getting started on that. I have been taking Charge. Doing what I want. The relationship just is what it is at this point. I need to get my shit in good order.

Only problem I’m having now is my anger. Holy shit I am quick to snap. It’s almost become instinctual. It’s probably good to note I am on Testosterone. I’m sure it doesn’t help the aggression.

I realize my anger is an issue. I just need to figure out how to stop it. She will say things or do things that really get on my nerves. And I am so quick to snap. That I don’t even notice it till I’ve done it.

the incident

Our dog got fixed yesterday she picked her up today while I was at work. She had off. She knew I had s bunch of shit to get done after work and I would not be home till later. She was going to some girls birthday party that I didn’t know about. Otherwise I would have planned around it. To stay with the dog.

She messaged me right when she left and said “I left the dog out of the crate”

My immediate response was “why in the world would you do that?”

We have a heavily medicated dog who just had surgery shouldn’t be jumping around or doing any heavy activity. And no ones home and you leave her to roam around unattended. Are you crazy?

“Well she was just sleeping all day”

So I hurry up and finish what I’m doing. Cancel all my other things and get home. When I get home. The dog has peed all over the bed.

Wife knew we’d both be gone and doesn’t take our medicated post op not functioning properly dog out to the bathroom right before she leaves but 5 hours before? What the fuck is this girl thinking.

I throw the sheets in the wash. And go to give the dog her meds. A bottle is missing. I look on the couch and the other bottle is chewed up and all the pills are missing from it. I can’t read the label of what it even was. I remain calm. I call her. She says she doesn’t know what the med was.

So far. I’m pretty much keeping my cool. She text me the med then. I look it up and then google. VET VET. LIVER FAILURE. BAD BAD. Is all I read. Now I’m worried. I call the vet. they send me to some emergency line. But tell me I got to pay 70 bucks. I prob have to rush her to the vet. Mean while I still have so much to do. But at this point all I care about is my dog. I’m just annoyed I’m dealin with this situation because of stupidity.

She’s a nurse and this is a stupid fuck up. And a costly one. The emergency line is talk about future meds. Bringing the dog in. This and that. But they aren’t sure. And no ones open. And she has to check. Then she’s asking for my credit card number bc of the call. And a 5 hour wait. Meanwhile I’m trying to text my girl to get all the info I need about what’s going on. I’m fucking annoyed and I show it. I tell her this was a stupid fuck up and she should use her head next time.

I get off the phone and figure it all out.

I tell my wife to stay out. I’ll watch the dog. At this point I don’t even want to be around her. Because I know I’ll go off. She says I don’t have to be mean. I disagree.

How do I control my anger?. It has been an issue lately and it hasn’t ever before. She will say things like you should do this or that. She wants to control what I do. And I snap.

“Just let me do what the fuck I want to do”

How do you guys control your anger?