At my ropes end

Warning: Victim puke. We've been married about 22 years and have a teenage son. Our marriage has been rocky for the most part. She is a stay at home mom and I have a very good job. She was raised by a narcissistic bi-polar mother that physically and mentally abused her and her brother. She hasn't had any contact with her in almost 10 years. Her father died when she was a toddler. I was raised in a somewhat normal family. I was very close to my mother but they divorced when I was an early teen. She believed in me and always encouraged me even when I did stupid shit. My mother remarried to a wonderful man.

About 3 years ago my wife filed for divorce. I had swallowed the redpill about a month before that. She had been sleeping on the couch for a few months and sex was zilch. At that point the marriage was unrepairable and I had been blue pill far to long to save it. My wife who had no friends to speak of also had suddenly reconnected with her ex-stepfather that had been her only positive role model growing up. He was ultra blue pill and was also emotionally and physically abused by her mother. He finally got out and away from crazy MIL. My wife and he hadn't spoken to him over 8 years due to her cutting off her mother. He also was pretty much alone. They were using each other for emotional tampons.

At the time of the divorce filing my mother had become gravely ill with COPD. I pleaded with my wife to hold off until after my mother died. Of course she said "your mother could live a few more years." The doctors had forewarned us that we were in end stage of her disease. So I was served with divorce papers and my mother is in the hospital dieing on a bipap machine. I moved into my mother's house. On the few good days my mother had left she continued to support and encourage me. She died in her sleep seven days after I was served. When she passed, the nursing staff made the mistake of calling my stbx to notify me of my mother's death. Of course my wife goes off the deep end.

During the funeral I was amicable with her but the rest of my family wasn't. After I immediately went full redpill and really got my shit together and started moving on with my life, eating right, and getting fit. I lost 50lbs and become very active in things I had wanted to do for long time.

Suddenly I had other ladies knocking at the door. One in particular had caught my eye and was easily a HB8. So six months goes by and I have my shit together. I'm constantly doing things and stbx is evidently is watching all of this from a far via social media and hearsay. She is immediately alerted to all the HB's. HB8 was in hot pursuit which kinda freaked me out. I found out that HB8 had been engaged several times. I wasn't as attracted to her any longer.

During this whole time I have minimal contact with stbx. Mostly through our attorneys and a few texts to facilitate care for our child. One evening I received a strange text from her asking if "is hb8 going to be the one." I replied "probably not". A week or so later a major snow storm hit the area. As things were beginning to thaw stbx sent me a text asking if I could take her and or son to the grocery store. I said yes. She said maybe we could all go get something to eat after. I said sure. At dinner she begin to drink a little. At the last store we stop at she starts getting very frisky which really confused the he'll out of me. She asked if we could be fwb. I ignored the comment. We arrived home and I helped take in all the groceries. Before leaving she cornered me in the garage and grabbed me and kissed me like we hadn't kissed in years. She asked if I would come back later. I did. So things were awesome with us. We were having sex daily, going on vacation together and doing things I enjoy together.

I had cut off all contacts with the other Hbs. Slowly the shit and comfort tests began to reappear. I somehow had lost my redpill knowledge and failed them and I set no boundaries. One evening while on a vacation she went through my phone. She immediately checked my Facebook and noticed where I had viewed HB8's page out of curiosity. I dismissed it as just habit of who I had browsed while on Facebook.

She had a complete melt down and begin to blast me on social media and texted who ever she could to hurt me. One guy she had chatted with while we were separated even commented that what she was doing was wrong and that social media wasn't the place to air such family grievances.

Somehow we managed to patch things together but her old ways intensified and I become even more beta. I failed every shit test with anger and frustration. We sold our house and bought a newer house in a very nice exclusive neighbourhood. I never said no. Financially we were set.

We both went to marriage counseling and I went alone. The counselors all said the same things and that we just have to many misundertandings and that she needed to cut me some slack. She was diagnosed with major depression and PTSD and was labeled a highly sensitive person. I was diagnosed as high functioning ADHD. I began treatment that did allow me to focus and recall daily life information that my wife accused me of hiding from her. Some shit, especially work related, I have no desire to bring home and rehash with her. She calls it not sharing my daily life with her. I call it not bringing work home.

Today things are shitty as ever. I'm sleeping in the guest bedroom. She has offered to sleep there but it's my choice. I'm trying to re-read the side bar and get my shit back together. I'm lifting and She has bitched about that. She has told me that I don't care anymore, I say I care but I can't be responsible for her emotions and only mine. She says she can't control her emotions and never will, she too highly sensitive.

My problems is I can't seem to stfu and identify shit tests. Yesterday we made to decision together that we would eliminate cable tv since no one in the house watches it. I load up the cable equipment and return it. I mention to the cable person that my Wi-Fi is poor. He recommended that I take one of their routers to try but it would cost $5 a month. If it didn't fix the problem then they could check the cable internet signal and possibly return the rented router. When I home she asked how it went. I said it went well and that I got a new router from them to see if it fixed our Wi-Fi issues. She immediately asked why I didn't discuss this with her before making such a decision. I said I was capable of making those decisions and that it was a spur if the moment thing. She was unconvinced and said I should have called or texted her first. I said that I was tired of her emasculating me. I also told her that she didn't respect me at all and that I was tired of her punishing behavior. Later on in the evening she was a sleep on the couch. I go sit just outside on our patio to get some fresh air. I'm in full view. During that time I hear our garage door going up and her car start. I slip around to the side of the garage just as the car is slowly backing out. I peck on the window and she screams and slams in the brakes. She backs out and drives off. She sends me a text asking why I scared her. I replied back with I didn't intend to scare you and wanted to know why she sneaked out with at least telling me she was going out for alone time. I told her that I would never do her that way. She said if I scared her again she was going to call the police.

She said during the heated discussion that she wanted a legal separation. I told her she's free to do what ever she wants and she could leave anytime she wants. I said I wasn't moving out and she said wasn't either. I can't move back to my mother's home, we sold it.

So here I am trying poorly to maintain frame and pass shit tests. Either I'm mentally challenged or she's a blue pill Jedi. I just seen to anger her even more. When i do manage to stfu things are much better but then she blind sides me like yesterday. I try to AA, and AM. Fogging just makes her rage.

My actions need to overtake my words. Should I go complete monk mode and completely withdraw? Maybe I'm redpilling to fast? Dread has been 1-3. Although she didn't still ask if I had a girlfriend on the side. I did lock my cell phone down and set that boundary.

If it's over, I really don't care because I know I'll be just fine. It's just having so much invested and the feeling of being raped.

Blast away redpillers..I need CPR...or better yet a good redpill ass whipping.