Here is the deal.

I left my apartment 3 months ago after a conversation where my wife told me that she felt I wasn't going to be the father of her children. When she said that, I asked if that was really how she felt. When she confirmed I gave her back the ring left the house and moved in with my college buddies. We are both 30 years old and have been together on and off since we were 20 and in college. No kids. I was her first. I was alpha at the beginning of the relationship specializing in pump-and-dump. My game was tight.

As our relationship started getting serious I was still a fuckup and unfaithful. Would disappear from Friday to Sunday mornings out partying with the boys. She used to say that she felt like she was my "during the week girlfriend." Once our relationship got deeper. I became a super beta. I felt I had wronged her so much that I needed to compensate for it. Appeasing her became my only goal. Stopped hanging out with my friends and pretty much dedicated all my free time (aside from jiujitsu) to her. Additionally, I had a string of shit-jobs and was not a good provider. Since I willingly beta'ed myself I also did not understand the importance of being the "man" and leading the relationship and telling her where we were going in life as a couple. I was irresponsible to myself and her and never owned my word or my shit.

This burdened the relationship and she would always tell me she felt like we would be achieving more and that she wanted more out of life. This made me try to appease her even more instead of trying to improve myself. Finances were always an issue. I have an MBA and she would tell me that she saw me as this great man but that I never lived up to the potential she saw in me. She would tell me to trust myself more.

Wife came from a Mormon family. Great family values and an all-around person of integrity. She has always been a very hard worker and willing to sacrifice to get what she wants out of life. My wake up call came in August of this year. I realized that I was sucking at life and had nothing, other than jiujitsu, to look forward to. I was tired of feeling like I wasn't providing for us.

I decided to learn programming and enrolled myself in a community college. Started investing a bunch of my time into programming with a goal to have a better paying job by the end of 2017. I told her about my goals and how it would take hard work but I was committed. A month later, she dropped the bomb about not seeing me as the father of her kids.

For the past 3 months, we have been separated I have been living with 3 of my college friends (all single and slaying). After a few weeks, my wife and I decided to start seeing each other again while being separated. Sex was 1 a week. 2 out of 3 meetups were fine but then the other one would be awkward. The last time we met about a month ago she refused sex. That's when I got mad (internally) and said "fuck this." I am not going to be spending time with her if I'm not getting laid. Since then I ghosted her. 2 weeks later she got desperate and called me apologizing for everything and trying to get back together.

I had already learned about hypergamy and frame so I was unbreakable. Gave her some dread and haven't talked to her since. I have been hitting the gym and jiujitsu as always but since then have been focusing on becoming an all-around successful man. Met my financial goal of getting a better job and landed a job that doubled my salary! I am slowly becoming who I was before I betafucked myself, and getting to know myself and everything I had sacrificed to appease her. There is still work to do but I am committed to myself.

I can honestly say I really enjoy being alone, always have, but there were aspects of our relationship I enjoyed too. Additionally, there is a big part of me that thinks if I had taken ownership of myself and our relationship, none of this would have happened. I guess hindsight is 20/20. I am 51% feeling like keeping my freedom and 49% thinking about giving it another chance with what I have learned from TRP. Would appreciate your thoughts in case there is something I am not seeing here.

EDIT FOR SIDEBAR STUFFS Officially dated for about 8 years, married for 3 years. Read the Rational Male, NMMNG, and currently reading WISNIFG. Enjoyed all of them. I have been training jiujitsu 5-10 times a week and since have started lifting at 5am. Started tracking my macros to get a baseline and then adjust. BF is around 12% weight 209, height 6'3. I am in pretty good shape.