You are at a social event and your wife says a bunch of stuff about you that is disrespectful and putting you down.

Following the advice sometimes given here you establish a boundary. Afterwards you tell her* a clear boundary: "any wife of mine does not disrespect me in public, take up any problem you have with me in private".

Problem solved: she will not be disrespectful of you in public or you will divorce.

Not really solved: you covered up one symptom but the underlying issues remain to bubble up in other ways. You can run around establishing more boundaries but her fundamental disrespect of you remains and will be relationship fatal.

When you see a boundary "solution" offered why not tackle the underlying issues instead?

Take for example yesterday's vacation question where OP accurately questioned congruency. Clearly OP has negative dread and that needs to be solved (sidebar, lift, stfu). Establishing a boundary on a vacation is a band-aid on a bleed out.

  • any "I told her" is a critical failure factor, never works, she needs to internally accept to do what you want