Hi everyone. I've been browsing this forum a lot lately and diving in head-first into the posts and materials. I'm 30, have a "career", lift/Have hobbies/interests and just got into a relationship after a pretty decent dry spell. I'm not unfamiliar with pick up or red pill but only recently became totally unplugged and got out of my cocoon. But now that I've found a woman I actually enjoy and love, I'm finding myself struggling to maintain frame or backsliding into beta territory. It's only recently I've been having trouble with the opposite sex, growing up I always had plates or relationships.

I met my LTR at work (Bad idea probably, I know. I'm not that commited to that specific job though and am proactively looking to find another) and things were going great at first. I applied ideas and concepts directly from TRP and it's associated reading list. I had a high level of attraction but I seem to be losing it. I've been failing shit tests; she's crossing boundaries such as walking out on me after disagreements and not picking up phone calls/txts because she's mad at me. I feel like I'm failing by calling multiple times and running after her when she leaves. I admit my feelings to her and apologize for things I'm not sure I should in retrospect. The thing is, I really have grown jaded with dating so when I found a laid back woman my age who is attractive, same life situations, shared interests etc., I started getting too emotionally invested. Recently she told me she wanted us to open up about about things in our past and events that shaped us. I told her mine, and things went well. I was not prepared for what she told me: She was gang raped in her teens and molested as a child. It hit me like a ton of bricks and made me take a step back mentally, which I admittedly needed. She had plans to visit her sister and her best friend and her boyfriend over the weekend an hour away. So I'm left with still reeling from her admission, trying to make sense of how to move forward. I still love her and want to make this work, but the night she told me she had gone out for dinner and drinks with a gay friend and another girl she used to work with. Long story short, she got to drunk to drive and when I called to say goodnight, she said she was too drunk to drive an hour to her home and that she was thinking about getting a hotel room with her gay friend. I explained to her that what If I hadn't called? She would have spent the night in a hotel with another man ("gay" or not), while in a relationship with me? She said she was considering calling me to pick her up, but it left me wondering what would have happened if I hadn't called to say goodnight. So I told her it was unacceptable and inappropriate to spend a night in a hotel/anywhere with another man, "gay" or not. Now she's with away for the weekend as mentioned above and I'm having a super hard time dealing with all this and trying to figure out where to go from here. I hope anyone can give me an outside perspective, I haven't been able to get ahold of my best friend I usually talk to, who is a player and knows his shit. Any advice is appreciated, I'm in a bad spot mentally.