How to get past arguments

I know the answer is to not have them in the first place.

But I need help cleaning up the mess I made.

I've been DEERing my whole life. I knew I was missing something here but never knew what it was until I read the sidebar on DEER. Holy shit did it make sense.

So how do you get past an argument? The last fight was on Friday night. It was over a shit test with my wife. We got home from a nice date and we both knew what was going to happen. She gave me road head on the way home. It went a little sideways because she was scraping teeth and when I told her it hurt she got upset about it not being good enough. I told her "so you'd rather me endure the pain you're causing me? Would that would make you happier? She tried to explain how I was hurtful. I don't remember everything but I'm pretty sure I said I was sorry if her feelings were hurt but I had to say something. She jumped back on it for a while and I made her stop before I came so we could get it on at the house.

Get home. She goes to the bathroom for a while. I'm waiting on the bed and check my phone for the first time since we left. (She's always bitching about me being on my phone but she'll spend more time on hers). She comes out in a T shirt and crawls into bed like nothing was going to happen. OK so I get up and put mood lighting on and ask her which color she liked. (as I'm typing this I keep seeing where I could handle things better. One of them being that I shouldn't have asked her approval on the color). We always have the windows open so adding some light makes it hotter for both of us.

I say I'm going to put some music on. We rarely have music but I enjoy the shit out of it. Pick up my phone to get Pandora streaming on the stereo. First two channels I pick are no good. I ask her what she wanted to listen to (another sign of weakness). She huffed. I gotta learn to STFU when she huffs. And I gotta stop huffing too.

I asked her why she was mad. She said "because I'm right here and you're on your phone".

I said fine I'll pick a station and we'll just both have to deal with it. Fucking Will Smith's Big Willie Style came on. I just laughed. Now she had a lot of attitude and said "Really? You're going to leave it on Big Willie Style?" I fucked up again here and lost my cool. Said well you were rushing me to get off my phone. "You're always on your phone you can't get off your phone!!" So I figured fuck it. Turned the music off. Turned the lights off. And got under the covers. She said something like "So we're not going to do this"?

"Nope. You're in a pissy mood and now we're fighting and I don't know how to get past it with you. And now you'll need your space for who knows how long."

Laid there in silence for a minute getting madder because I can't remember the last time I got laid.

So for the first time in our relationship I leave and go sleep on the couch. For the first time I just don't want to be around her anymore.

We haven't really talked since. I didn't go to breakfast with her family the next morning. (We go almost every Saturday morning). Then she went shopping with her mom.

She text me while she was out.

"I'm sure you're asleep or busy or you don't want to talk to me. I just wanted to say that I'm frustrated about last night but I am truly sorry for the part that I played in it. I prayed and felt convicted. I love you and hope that we can make it up to each other tonight....so with that in mind..."

Then she sent me a picture of her in a bra she was trying out. (This is rare. Maybe the 3rd time in 4 years she's texted me a sexy picture because she's not happy with her body and because she's afraid they will get hacked). So it was a big deal for her.

I replied "You were on your phone half the night making Snapchat videos. I never even touched my phone until we got home. I was using it to put music on for us to make love to. I didn't do anything last night to warrant the fit you threw. I'm doing my own thing this weekend. I hope you enjoy yours. I appreciate the apology but it doesn't help. Such a great night was ruined and for what? Because I was trying to stream some music for us. Your boobs look great but I just don't want to be around you. It's like walking on glass. No matter how careful I am I'll still get hurt. "

She never responded.

So we avoided each other all weekend. I went out with a friend Saturday night. She stayed in.

Here we are Monday morning. Still haven't really spoken. She's slept in the spare room both nights. She went to the gym early this morning.

I don't know where to go from here. I'm thinking just keep doing my own thing and let her come around?

Where should I go from here? Usually what happens is I come around and apologize. She vents but doesn't apologize. And then everything is fine again. I need to break that. I don't know if I handled it right but I'm trying to break the cycle.