I work from home. We have twin 18 month olds - the house is a disaster.

Unplugged about 2 months, I still lose frame and find it hard to ask for what I want.

I'd like her to pick up the house more while the kids are awake and get countered with - "I don't want to miss fun time with the boys".

When I point out there's 12 hrs in the day she spends with them, some of it should be spent cleaning, it all goes to shit. I do my best to not react negatively but it's all over my face.

The question is - how do I get the house cleaner? How do I define this boundary without sounding like a nagging prick?

What I've started to do is pick up what I can myself, because as the captain, I have to show I can run the ship solo. I have realized I've been waiting for someone else to clean up and sometimes I have to set the example. At work - I don't let people who have scheduled late night server/migration work do it solo if I can help it because I value their time and a leader leads from the front. If they see I am willing to go the extra mile with them, they don't quit on me halfway through a job, they get it done to the end, regardless of the hour.

I am trying to do that here, but every word out of my mouth is translated to bitchy.

Thoughts?