A little back story first, this is my first post so forgive me if i ramble.

I, 27M, met my wife ,25F when we were pretty young, around 17 or 18 for me and 16 or 17 for her. We have been together ever since HS. We recently got married last year after a few setbacks on my part to pop the question.

Going back to the start, she had a pretty rough childhood and when i met her was going through some very hard times. Even at our young ages i made sure she was taken care of since her family was in disarray. She lived on junk food and was very reserved and self conscious. She had no parental supervision as they were off not caring about her. I made sure she had food, a place to vent her feelings and helped her get her priorities strait. I even taught her how to drive and helped her get her DL. But through our relationship and the love we showed each other, she was able to start shedding that and eventually became a gorgeous, outgoing and confident woman. She truly had evolved into my dream woman.

Starting before we were engaged we had some intimacy issues that would pop up and would for the most part go away. At the time we never really tried to get to the root of the problem. I was selfish now looking back. We staid together through college living together. After college the frequency of the issues began to get more serious over time but we would both sweep them under the rug and forget. She let me read her diary one night and she felt the common saying "i love with you but not in love with you" it was the first time i truly started worrying about it and that when i SHOULD have tried to make a change but didn't.

Even up to the day i asked her to marry me we hadn't resolved the issues. I selfishly thought marriage would help us, but really i was scared and confused, didn't want to accept that we had serious issues. The months were filled with the stresses of wedding planning and the issues continued without either of us really putting any effort in to a fix. I chalked it up to just the stresses we had going on were getting to me. Eventually the wedding day came and went. We spent 5-6 days out of the country and we never really felt from each other that "spark" you get on your honeymoon.

These issues come from me having self esteem issues and fear. I was so worried about making every time we had sex great that i would totally sabotage my self and ruin the experience, which made the sex more rare and more stress. It was a hugely compounding problem. Also with the sex we have the same wants. She likes it rough and i like to give it rough, but in my self conscious state and feeling weak i didn't feel like i was "man" enough to be the dominant.

Also, simultaneously her new friends at work are going out to party all the time since they are single and just kinda the "hairstylist lifestyle" and she was going with them, not inviting me with more frequency, one in particular which is a guy. In my fucked up state of mind i let her go out and stay out late with the friends and the guy because i didn't want to seem "controlling".

Fast forward to about 1 month ago. I had a mental breakdown and was telling her i don't know who i am and I'm terrified she is going to leave me. She said she doesn't want to do this anymore. I've been going crazy trying to get her to realize that i see all of the faults that i have and should have fixed, made it very clear I'm changing and don't want to loose her. Its been hard because her hanging out the the guy from work was getting crazy and i called her out on it. I told her she was emotionally cheating on me with him and she did agree. If anything my actions have driven her farther away in these last weeks i feel.

She suggested we see marriage counselors and i agreed 100%, but I'm not sure if she really even want to do it. We have scheduled our first meeting very soon. I honestly truly do still love her and want her. Like i said before she is my dream girl.

In the time since this all came to a head i have got back in the gym and started lifting. Havent lifted since HS and want to get back into the shape i was when playing baseball. Ive been self conscious of my body and honestly felt like a pussy. Found MRP and been trying to implement some changes but until the therapy starts i feel in limbo, not knowing what she wants.

TL;DR - Couple together for 10-11 years has intimacy issues and never addresses them. Gets married and issues come to a head with wife wanting to leave and husband wanting to stay with her and fix it. Complex situation made worse by her hanging out with single people and guys.