Need advice on spouse's behaviour

InChargeMan · 2018-06-05T06:03:10+00:00

I don't see in here any discussion of what the actual problems are in the relationship, just that there are some. Is it just that she doesn't like affection?

For one her feelz will change like the wind, so don't put too much stock in anything she ever says. Every time she says something, add "right now" to the end of it in your head.

I'm sure she would walk

she might be planning on separation

Two, you seem to be very focused on her actions regarding the relationship, as if she is the decider and you are along for the ride, i.e. she is the prize. It sounds like you are deep in her frame and she is dreading the fuck out of you.

Remember, she controls the sex (right now), you control the relationship.

Knock it off with excuses about a baby being around, you sound very lazy.

cholomite · 2018-06-05T12:24:46+00:00

"She knows I'm motivated for the relationship"

As long as this is true, nothing you learn here will do you any good. Women need to respect a man in order to feel attracted to him, and a man needs to be powerful for a woman to respect him. Whoever cares least in the relationship has the most power, and right now it's her and it's fucking your whole thing up. Like, you know she doesn't really love you, right? You're just a set of value points to her? Completely interchangeable with the next beta bux. All these big plans she talks about don't have shit to do with you, she is just stating her expectations on what her status in life should be at various points, and she's making you aware so that you can beta bux her there. If you died tomorrow she would be giving the same talk to her next beta bus.

Get over your oneitis, she really isn't special or worth sticking around. Do this shit for you, and you only, start being selfish and do what is in the best interest of you.

[deleted] · 2018-06-05T06:24:59+00:00

Acta non verba. Whatch what she does and not what she says. Then u will know the truth.

OldConclusion · 2018-06-05T12:44:02+00:00

If you've been doing your reading you should pick up on the fact that you're supposed to be watching actions and disregarding words.

And she should be doing more of watching yours.

This ladder is climbed one rung at a time as needed and long term results aren't generally instantaneous.

What puzzles me is that she talks about long term future stuff almost daily

IMO women will talk about what type of curtain would look good on a building scheduled for demolition so... really why put any long term views on that.

You went from db to starfish? Cool. Next rung. Keep initiating when you're in the mood and make sure you're doing it right.

The touch of someone she's into is welcome. The tentative pawing of an uninteresting schleb? A creepy grope.

Also too much focus on her here...and your self validation through her interest in you, YOU'RE the focus here. Work on you, she'll follow or fall off. But she should start having to pick up the pace at some point if you out distance her while she's playing the bored housewife.

And there's an inbuilt wrench with a new baby in the house. How about play with the baby and be super dad while you're ignoring every whisper of a hamster from her or you and make sure their life will be interesting and a good one. New attitude should be: you ain't got time for this shit. Do , don't do... fuck , don't fuck.... whatever, get out the way if you're slowing me down.

screechhater · 2018-06-05T10:46:29+00:00

Oneitis boy- you aint no physical speciman stat wise.

Diet, lift, read, wardrobe. STFU.

Turm your mother fucking hamster off snd apply yourself.

Get some balls, get the house tip top then start doing activities.

Fir fuck sakes, ignore the words of feelz. Sidebar bitch .

Diesel_Dragon · 2018-06-05T11:48:36+00:00

She is talking about plans for the future because she is worried about the future. She is worried about the future because you can't get shit done now in the present. She talks about it daily because she wants to know what your plans for the future are. It sounds like you don't have a plan and are just coasting through life and putting the responsibility of your future on your wife. She just had a baby...of course she is worried about the future. Lift, read, get your shit togethr, come up with a plan and execute. Man up faggot.

peaceful_strong_man · 2018-06-05T15:37:28+00:00

Lol at the fitness advice. Just switch your training routine, bro. Then your problems will be fixed.

ice_walker · 2018-06-05T16:29:20+00:00

Dude, I was exactly where you are a few months ago. I was sure she was planning on separation and we would never have sex again. So might as well have the talk straight away, right?

Guess whose frame I was in?

You need to realize that these are YOUR thoughts that goes on inside YOUR head. What really goes on inside hers, you cannot really know for sure, and never will.

Read about “mirror thinking”, which means assuming that an opponent is thinking and acting just like how oneself would if put in a similar situation.

Senor_Martillo · 2018-06-05T13:29:01+00:00

I don’t see any of the obligatory “Cut the shit stats”. Without knowing where you’re at, we are only speculating, so here are my speculations:

you are still fat and unattractive.
If you tolerated 18 months without sex, you clearly lack options. If I went 18 days I’d be hitting something on the side.
you need to cut this SAHM thing off, like right now. She clearly has no respect for you as a spouse...you are the epitome of beta bucks. If she doesn’t work, and she doesn’t fuck, what exactly is she bringing to the table? I would not be surprised at all to hear she actually is having sex...with someone else.

Get to work, boy.

peaceful_strong_man · 2018-06-05T14:16:33+00:00

Get a second wife

OldConclusion · 2018-06-05T16:43:29+00:00

Sounds like she’s invested in the relationship but not physically attracted anymore. That’s MRP in a nutshell. You’ve been (supposedly) doing this for a few months. That’s nothing. 1000 foot rope. Don’t Rambo. These are concepts you should have at least read by now. Was she ever affectionate? Did this happen post baby? She doesn’t want you to initiate because you’re still in her frame. You’re not doing this mrp for you, you’re doing it for her and for sex and she knows it.

rocknrollchuck · 2018-06-05T17:13:25+00:00

She's 34 and has a kid that's almost a year old. She's in an 8-year LTR. She sees your lack of investment (marriage) and it bothers her. She talks about long term future stuff because she's trying to see whether you envision a future with her or not, and to her that indicates marriage. She's backing off sexually because she's not going to invest any sexual interest in a relationship if you're not willing to invest in a permanent relationship with her via marriage. It's up to you whether you want to pursue that or not.

I'm weak, lean-fat. 5ft11, around 160 lbs. BF probably around 18-19 %, not measured yet. I've been going to the gym 3 times a week for a month or so now, doing a 2-split workout routine according to a PT with the objective of gains. The program does include compound moves, now DL 120 lbs (3x8), SQ 100 lbs (3x12). Dumbbell chest presses with 24 lbs 3x12. The plan is to increase weights every 4 weeks. I know this isn't the preferred MRP routine, but I'll see what happens.

Besides gym I read, do cardio 1-2x a week, play acoustic guitar and sing occasionally, socialize with friends maybe once a week.

And the fact that you're not in shape at all isn't helping. You're her beta bucks, buddy.

CaliEd256 · 2018-06-05T17:50:50+00:00

MRP saves the Man, not the Marriage. You just started driving the tugboat away, it takes months for the 1000 foot rope to pull taut. She will change, or she will leave. Just do you.

There’s a saying on here, Stay Plan = Go Plan. Absolutely nothing you can do if she wants to leave. So stop worrying about her, because there isn’t shit you can do if she wants to go.

SteelSharpensSteel · 2018-06-05T19:30:52+00:00

This boils down to power dynamics. Stop operating in her frame and start operating in yours.

What do you want.

Taipanshimshon · 2018-06-05T19:38:30+00:00

women talk. its just what they do.

Just live your life. She can join you or not. for now its up to her. Soon it wont be.

buckeyeboy1977 · 2018-06-05T21:15:34+00:00

I am 6 months in and my wife NEVER touched me. But you know what? IDGAF. I used to though but once you realize your doing this shit for YOU not her it will get better. Trust me. Now she smacks my ass when I bend over. Work on you. Lift. Get a hobby. Be a good dad and get a plan. Get out of mommy’s frame. Be a desired man and she will come around. She will see this and respond. If she doesn’t then you will be in a place where you should have options that don’t include her.

screechhater · 2018-06-06T03:45:41+00:00

You are unattractive.

You give a fuck what she thinks and or does.

Ard you lifting and reading ?

Acta non Verbas. Watch what she does. Not what she says

Rian_Stone · 2018-06-06T04:11:14+00:00

I know nothing about you but that you had sex 20 months ago.

If you had to get some strange, how hot would she be and how long would it take? Let's start there

saltybull · 2018-06-06T23:34:37+00:00

Reminder: Don’t Rambo and STFU if you get the urge.

Tiway22 · 2018-06-05T05:53:18+00:00

What are your lifting stats, bodyfat percentage, and hobbies outside of your life with her?

Title	Need advice on spouse's behaviour
Author	OldConclusion
Upvotes	3
Comments	40
Date	June 5, 2018 5:31 AM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/8oob4q/need_advice_on_spouses_behaviour/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/need-advice-on-spouses-behaviour.204400 https://theredarchive.com/post/204400

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