Possible silent shit test?

midlifedick · 2015-12-21T02:58:27+00:00

Ignore. Use the time saved to contemplate why you should or should not care if she gets pissed that someone else is not cleaning up after her.

It might be good to visualize and inagine how it might feel to sincerely not give a flying fuck how she feels about her own dirty dishes. How would you respond then?

Then, consider why you are concerned at this moment. Do you have an expectation that if you do this nice thing there should be a reward for you?

rpd3zen · 2015-12-21T02:27:45+00:00

Is there some kind of agreement in place, like a you cook I clean type of deal or a specific one for the candy making?

If not then leave it for her to clean up later, if you are asking if it's a shit test then it probably is even though without much context and just reading what you wrote I wouldn't have assumed that it was.

If you clean it up because you are worried that she'll be mad you didn't then that is not a good reason to do it. She's pulling you into her frame if that's the case.

Sepean · 2015-12-21T06:38:56+00:00

Doesn't sound like a shit test.

If stuff needs to get done, get stuff done and divide chores between you according to skills, time constraints, etc. If pictures need hanging and Christmas tree needs sawing to fit in the foot, do that and let her clean. If the kitchen needs to be cleaned while she's out or she can't get dinner done in time, clean the kitchen.

Have a vision and lead and pull your weight according to that; don't let shit testing dictate it. An interesting shit test that I and others have experienced is where you come with the hammer and nails and she shit tests you by telling you "hang the pictures". Is the solution to that to abandon what you were doing?

The_Litz · 2015-12-21T13:07:48+00:00

I know if I don't clean the kitchen up she will be pissed

So she is not even home yet and you are sitting there cringing and worried what she will do when she gets back.

There might be hope for you, but today is not the day. Sofar you have not displayed any leadership in your house besides reacting to what she thinks and what she wants, the kid and the dirty oven being a case in point.

Go clean the kitchen. And then join a gym and start lifting, read the sidebar and lurk over here. Let this humiliation of your manhood inspire you to lift, lead and be awsome. Let this day be your last straw, let this be your inspiration to say enough is enough. I am tired of being a bitch.

May you look back at this day as your turning point.

Glennus626 · 2015-12-21T02:32:46+00:00

So, she made a mess, and you'll get in trouble if you don't clean up after her? Sounds kind of lopsided to me. Unless you specifically asked her to make the candy with the kids, and promised you would cleanup afterwards, I would let her clean her own damn mess. Do something for a woman more than 3 times and it becomes an obligation, rather than just a nice gesture.

FearDearg2015 · 2015-12-21T09:37:36+00:00

Unless there was some sort of deal in place before hand, then my best guess is that she's got some covert contract that you are gonna clean up. She believes that you should just see that it needed to be done, and that if you don't do it, then you are just a messy little boy who is happy to live in a pig sty and needs his mommy to clean up everything. On the other hand, if she makes a mess and then doesnt clean up after herself, thats also a bit childish.

You can clean up if you want to, but beware that if you are only doing it to stop her being pissed off at you, then you are not really making any progress on owning your shit. If you choose to clean up, be clear in your head that you are doing it because you are the captain of a tightly run ship, and that you roll your sleeves up when necessary to just get shit done. You dont even need to raise the issue with her. Later, she might throw you the puppy dog eyes (MIGHT!) and tell you how nice it was that you cleaned up after her (because her covert contract got fulfilled) and if she does, that would be an appropriate time to say something like "Well, I can't stand a messy kitchen, so it doesn't really matter who cleans it, it just needs to be done". Of course, dont bother saying any of this if its not true. This interaction would be about setting boundaries and establishing some order on your ship. If you are not gonna enforce a boundary, then dont bother trying to set it.

In your case, I would say that for a minor thing like this, just dont clean it up. You know she'll be pissed at you, and at your stage of the process, you need to start getting comfortable with her being pissed off at you. In many cases, there is no rational reason why she would be pissed off at you, which can be very confusing. At least in this case, you'll have a pretty good idea what shes pissed at, so you can be prepared for some shit testing or temper tantrums and you can use it as an exercise to develop your frame control. You will be prepared for the battle, you know what direction it will come from, and you can mentally shuffle your thoughts to protect yourself from losing your temper or acting butt hurt.

Countpudyoola · 2015-12-21T19:01:22+00:00

You know how that kid made the spoon bend in the Matrix?

"There is no spoon"

or in MRP land "There are no shits to be given"

Do it or don't, worry less about how she is coming or going and it'll sort itself out. The rest of this is entirely trying to figure out HER frame instead of establishing your own.

strategos_autokrator · 2015-12-22T11:16:13+00:00

Are you so scared of her that non only you feel obligated to follow her commands, but even are afraid of following unspoken commands?

The problem isn't the kitchen, is you are afraid of her feelings, of not having her approval. Ignore, read more, focus on your well being.

If this is bothering, go do something productive for you instead of cleaning the kitchen.

Title	Possible silent shit test?
Author	Redpilllife79
Upvotes	1
Comments	20
Date	December 21, 2015 2:08 AM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/3xnef9/possible_silent_shit_test/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/possible-silent-shit-test.207802 https://theredarchive.com/post/207802

Comments