Vegetarianism

cj_aubrey · 2016-02-22T08:58:18+00:00

Firstly, read WISNIFG. Then sit down and explain clearly that you are going to start eating meat again. Fog her verbal attacks. Explain clearly that you are going to start eating meat again. Fog her verbal attacks. Explain clearly that you are going to start eating meat again. Fog her verbal attacks. Smile and explain clearly that you are going to start eating meat again. Fog her verbal attacks. Explain clearly that you are going to start eating meat again. Fog her verbal attacks. Explain clearly that you are going to start eating meat again. Fog her verbal attacks. Explain clearly that you are going to start eating meat again. Fog her verbal attacks. Shrug and explain clearly that you are going to start eating meat again. Fog her verbal attacks. Explain clearly that you are going to start eating meat again. Fog her verbal attacks. Explain clearly that you are going to start eating meat again. Fog her verbal attacks. Smile and explain clearly that you are going to start eating meat again. Fog her verbal attacks. Explain clearly that you are going to start eating meat again. Fog her verbal attacks. Explain clearly that you are going to start eating meat again. Fog her verbal attacks. Explain clearly that you are going to start eating meat again. Fog her verbal attacks. Explain clearly that you are going to start eating meat again. Fog her verbal attacks. Explain clearly that you are going to start eating meat again. Fog her verbal attacks. Shrug and explain clearly that you are going to start eating meat again. Fog her verbal attacks. Explain clearly that you are going to start eating meat again. Fog her verbal attacks. Smile and explain clearly that you are going to start eating meat again. Fog her verbal attacks. Explain clearly that you are going to start eating meat again. Fog her verbal attacks. Explain clearly that you are going to start eating meat again. Fog her verbal attacks. Explain clearly that you are going to start eating meat again. Fog her verbal attacks. Explain clearly that you are going to start eating meat again. Fog her verbal attacks. Explain clearly that you are going to start eating meat again. Fog her verbal attacks. Shrug and explain clearly that you are going to start eating meat again. Fog her verbal attacks. Explain clearly that you are going to start eating meat again. Fog her verbal attacks. Explain clearly that you are going to start eating meat again. Fog her verbal attacks. Smile and explain clearly that you are going to start eating meat again. Fog her verbal attacks. Explain clearly that you are going to start eating meat again. Fog her verbal attacks. Explain clearly that you are going to start eating meat again. Fog her verbal attacks. Agree to disagree.

Then go eat a 2 inch thick ribeye like a man who makes his own decisions despite his difficult wife.

tim_rp · 2016-02-22T06:54:22+00:00

fake constraint

There's an important insight here. The constraint is HERS, not YOURS. You need to make your own constraints, live by them, die by them.

[deleted] · 2016-02-22T06:27:46+00:00

ParadoxThatDrivesUs · 2016-02-22T21:26:36+00:00

You don't need me to rub salt in your wounds, but why not? What bugs me most about your wife's behavior is that she's telling your friends that you really want to eat meat, but she doesn't allow you to, all right there in front of you.

She's literally displaying your balls in a jar to your friends.

jacktenofhearts · 2016-02-22T10:45:42+00:00

Look, the reason why it's hard for you to "just do it and DGAF" is because this meat thing could be the equivalent of religion to her.

Your description makes her vegetarianism sound tantamount to, say, Mormonism. You converted, but you're kind of sick of wearing those silly garments, and you'd love to to just chug down a Starbucks double espresso without her praying for your salvation.

Of course, beta me switched and quit eating meat about 10 years ago.

My wife kept telling everyone she could tell it was killing me and that I clearly wanted some meat.

So, you know, you've let her build this incredibly strong frame and you've submitted to it like a bitch. Did you get anything in return for this sacrifice? Any "equity" with your wife on this "investment"? Nah, of course not. You shouldn't want to eat meat, it's the "right" thing to do, just like being Mormon. Why would you get any "extra points" in her book for not eating meat? That's what everyone should be doing.

I browsed through your post history, and I'm gonna take a leap here and say this: a lot of your frustration is because you've basically "sacrificed" at several junctures in your marriage, and your wife has not. You made decisions you wouldn't have otherwise made, out of some desire that your wife would be pleased and this would result in some sort of "credit," and that credit would return dividends.

But is that how it turned out? Some marriages do function in this virtuous cycle, but they only become this way with deliberate action. Your girlfriend asks you to stay the night at her place on Sunday evening instead of yours, even though her place is a longer drive to your work. But when you wake up, she has prepared breakfast. Men in these relationships, are only in them because they dumped (or designated "plate" status) women who disproportionately asked the for added value in their lives, but provided little to none.

From what I can tell, your wife is doing exactly what she wants to do every day. You... are not. It's not just that you're eating fish instead of eating meat. You're doing all sorts of shit like that. And what are you getting in return? What sacrifices is she making to add value to your life? She probably does add some value to your life, but only in ways that involve her doing whatever she planned to do anyway.

Sure, she takes care of your son. Is she doing that "for you"? No, of course not. But you don't eat meat. Are you doing that "for her"? Yes, you are. This is why you sneak away to eat meat when she's not looking, like a fucking child stealing drags off a cigarette on the deck. So, you know, it's a bullshit sacrifice anyway. You're just pretending to me Mr. PETA to her, even though that makes you unhappy, and even though if she knew you were just pretending, she's be unhappy too. I noticed you asked MRP about individual therapists -- I really hope you decided to sought one out, because whatever mental models convinced you this made any fucking sense at all, are clearly fucked and need re-tooling.

Look, uour sacrifices aren't worth shit to a woman if they don't think it comes from a source of value. And your disproportionate sacrifices aren't exactly what high value men do. And if they do decide to do something at their expense for someone's benefit, they wouldn't fake it. Why fake it? Just fucking don't do it if you're going to fake it anyway, right?

Now, the appropriate response is to not abruptly chow down a 24 ounce rib-eye in front of her. Mainly because of two observations I've made. One, this is clearly a deeply held belief by her. In the beginning of this comment, I described you operating within your wife's incredibly strong frame, regarding this meat issue. Well, if you want to stop operating in someone's frame, maybe don't just recklessly start banging on the strongest parts of that frame screaming, I WANT OUT! Consider the frame you want, what's in it, how you can develop it, and it should become a lot more clear there's probably a smarter way to stop operating in her frame and start operating in yours.

Your recent post about playing in a band is a much better example. But my second observation is this: thoughts like these are mostly unnecessary:

Seriously, plowed through the first of many shit tests to come related to playing in a band. But in still sitting here thinking "fuck you," but also glad I didn't say anything else.

Let me translate your "fuck you" for you. It's saying, Yeah, that's right you ungrateful bitch, I'm gonna do something I want to do. Oh, that inconveniences you? Got any examples of inconvenient things YOU do for ME that might give this a second thought? Yeah, that's right, I figured you had nothing. So fuck you.

Sound about right?

The only reason you're posting about tempted about divorce is because subconsciously, you know you've fucked yourself into a supplicating beta bitch for pretty much no goddamn reason. So now to stop operating in her frame, you need to reset all these expectations she's had, because why shouldn't she expect her supplicating beta bitch husband to keep being a supplicating beta bitch? Why do you think she doesn't Shit Test you? What is there to Shit Test you about? She's already accepted every piece of value you've offered to her, and you haven't cared to ask for any value in return. Pretty fucking good deal, right?

But, you know, she didn't force you to do any of this shit, man. She probably whined and nagged about stuff like eating meat, but you decided to do that. This is on you, not her. The pathetic state of your life and marriage is on you. It is completely rational for you to start allocating some of your time to focus on things that add value to you, like playing in a band. It's completely irrational for you to be pissed at your wife as if it's her fault all these years you didn't play in a band even though you wanted to.

Look dude, of all the potential outcomes of your life a year from now, which ones do you want? Do you want the outcome where you're mentally seething "fuck yous" at your wife? Do you want the one where she's in hysterics because you're actually not the dolphin-hugging eco-friendly man you've always pretended to be? Do you want the one where you start creeping on the edges of infidelity, not because you're deliberately deciding to cheat, but because you're a thirsty motherfucker who falls all over himself for a women's attention, probably because you've only had sex with a handful of women prior to marriage, and have since never done anything to consider your identity as a desirable man?

What's your narrative, OP? Your narrative probably shouldn't be, say, acting in equal parts of self-loathing and mis-projected contempt for your wife. It would probably be you taking a little more time to add value to yourself, and her taking a little more time to add value to you. And I'm sure there were be a time and a place to tell her, if you're in mixed company in a steakhouse, you're gonna get a steak. But maybe don't start your narrative with that. Start it with playing in a band, or what I'm sure are countless other things you've wanted to do but haven't.

You should probably anticipate that her asking "what's up with you" or "is something wrong" will be part of your narrative. Just say you've felt in recent years you've felt you've had fleetingly little "me time," and you're trying to reverse that. At some point, when she asks, is there something I'm doing that's making you act this way? then THAT'S probably when you want drop the meat conversation, and tell her she's not doing anything, you just feel like you've been not eating for her even though you'd really just prefer to eat meat, and maybe it's things like that -- doing things at your expense for her -- that is actually creating some distance between you. If you eating meat means you close the distance, if that's part of your narrative, then this will be a lot more well received than you abruptly deciding to stab a baby veal in front of her and suck the blood out of its still-beating heart.

RPAlternate42 · 2016-02-22T06:44:20+00:00

Eat the food you want and in front of her at dinner as if nothing was odd.
If she asks/says/nags about something, "I wanted this, so I'm eating this." If shit tests continue, broken record. Do not DEER. Do not JADE.
Continue eating the food you want.
Repeat as desired.
If you want to go out to a place that serves what you like, "we're going to "X"". If she complains, repeat. If she doesn't want to go, that doesn't change your plans.

Trekneck · 2016-02-22T16:39:36+00:00

Sounds like you've got it all figured out. You want to eat meat, but doing so will cause your wife to get upset and want to talk, and nothing you can say/do will work. AA or AM is useless. Standing up for what you want is a waste of time. Being your own man just isn't worth it. Should consider changing to her religion to prevent that discussion from happening.

Much easier to just retreat back into her purse where things are messy, but ultimately easier and more comfortable for you.

[deleted] · 2016-02-22T23:46:32+00:00

Does this remind anyone else of that one episode of Portlandia?

[deleted] · 2016-02-22T11:19:44+00:00

Just do it. My spouse is vegan, don't care. I don't tell her to eat meat.

What, she going to leave over a Burger?

mrpCamper · 2016-02-22T18:19:48+00:00

My wife is Vegan.

Danger would be her thinking you are rebelling against her not just doing something for you.

Too early in your MAP, and you appear rebelling.

It took a bit of time to build up enough of her seeing changes in me that she liked to understand that the change was for ME and what I was doing.

[deleted] · 2016-02-22T21:06:12+00:00

if you wanna eat meat, eat meat, if you don't don't. you don't need much of an explanation from it. you can give somewhat a of a reason say, well i tried it for some time, i gave it commitment and it's not for me, i miss eating meat and im goign back to it, don't think theres much else to say really

[deleted] · 2016-02-23T14:08:27+00:00

What in the actual fuck did I just read? If you want to go vegan because you think it's healthier, you're saving the planet, or you just love animals then good for you, but to let someone else tell you what to eat... wtf, man?

Redneck001 · 2016-02-24T18:17:32+00:00

I've often been accused of being a black/white/simple man.

I would tell my wife, "I've decided to start eating meat." She can complain, stomp, threaten, whatevers. I'm STFUing, and after a few minutes of her "whatevers," I'm going to repeat, "I've decided to start eating meat."

I'm going to eat meat. And I've addressed it, like one adult to another.

Title	Vegetarianism
Author	BetaFeelz
Upvotes	5
Comments	47
Date	February 22, 2016 5:35 AM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/46zfkq/vegetarianism/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/vegetarianism.207650 https://theredarchive.com/post/207650

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