So about a month ago I created a throw away account called Bossman_Dad. The short version of my story is that my wife snooped through my phone and found some stuff in an app where I wrote about how fucking hot I thought her sister was, and about how I hated her for forcing me to give my dog away. Needless to say my wife blew up, and there were words thrown around like divorce and shit. We have two kids who I love, and it would devastate me to know end to know that I couldn't be in their life every single day. I was desperate to save my marriage, so I went to the marriage reddit for advice and was fucking massacred. During that time someone recommended to me MRP, and I glanced at it and the thing that intrigued me most was that one of it's pre-requisites No More Mr. Nice Guy. It's a book I've owned for some time. Anyway, I ended up deleting that throwaway account.

Since thing things are somewhat better. My wife and I are going to Marriage counseling, and things seem generally pleasant with us. So we are on the road to recovery right? Well there's one fucking problem. Me.

For a while I tried cutting off porn and nofap, but that shit didn't last. I still find her sister to be fucking hot. I don't think that's going to change, but I still have no intention of ever making a move on that or even letting on to my Sis-in-Law that I'm intrigued by the idea of what it feels like to be in her vagina. The truth is I have recently found myself not attracted to my wife. I love her, but I'm not attracted to her. I understand the concept of improving yourself through things like exercise and hygiene, but my wife likes me as I am. I guess truth is I don't like myself as I am.

There is one horrible truth to all of this. I met the woman who became my wife after a hook up. We met through online dating, and our first date was a first fuck. I literally met her in a parking lot, brought her to my house, and we had sex. I didn't start to date her till afterwards. Over time I started to feel like she was a pretty cool, and despite that she wasn't really my type I still got to have sex with her. I would be lying though if I said I didn't develop feelings for her. I proposed to her, but I would also be lying if I said I was 100% in love. Truth was we were only together six months, and we had talked about marriage. I even talked to her Dad and asked for his blessing. I really do feel like back then I went through the marriage motions before I was truly ready.

Then one day, reality hit like a megaton nuke, and she told me she was pregnant. I decided I wasn't going to bring this child up in a world where its mother and father weren't together. I had already proposed by this point, and we decided to move up the wedding. We've been married three years now and we have two kids. We're working on our marriage, and like I said things are somewhat pleasant. Sadly though I'm still not content.

So all that said, and sorry purple prose, I feel like I have genuinely fucked up. I did everything ass-backwards, and my priorities are all out of wack. I'm going to continue delving into the MRP, and keep searching for answers, but even so I really don't know where to begin with this mess I've got myself into.