22, going through first real break up. How do you deal with the fact that a girl who used to love you now wants absolutely nothing to do with you?

lietruth · 2016-12-26T08:17:04+00:00

It hurts, I've been there. Most of us have.

You fill your days with activities. You do shit. You read, you write, you lift, you work, you think, you create, you run, you dive, you yell, you shoot, you chop, you get shit done. You do what needs to be done to evolve as a man.

Realize right now. In this moment. That the reason she wants nothing to do with you is because of the man that you are right now.

Yashugan00 · 2016-12-26T12:35:26+00:00

Realise that a women's love is conditional on you being a "success object". She can convince herself she loves you, but she's really on emoting the feeling she gets from the SMV you represent.

When she finds out you're not all that she thought you were, she feels deceived, her time has been wasted. You're not that person, so she never loved 'you'.

She hasn't got the time to stick around or the luxury to dwell over lost time (though she will indulge in fantasy if you were though enough (alpha widow)). She moves on faster than you.

Love is the feeling you get from knowing you can't do better. A woman will always think she can do better than the best she's had. This laundry list of demands only gets longer with age.

When when she does find 'better', you're out of her mind forever, if she can't, she'll give you a callback in a 3-6 months for another audition.

When in a LTR (settles for comparable or higher SMV), the next step is to try to take control of the relationship. Betafy you . If she succeeds: This is her sexual strategy: Get a provider in place, pay of some debts and increase her lifestyle, and move right onto finding an even higher male.

If however you stay dominant, and she respects you, you can have a decade or so of good years. But marriage is compromise, kids or a nicer car, big house vs horses, etc...and women always want more, especially that which she doesn't have.

StudntRdyTeachrApear · 2016-12-26T08:31:00+00:00

Pain hurts, but it builds. This was necessary for you to learn and grow. Be happy you don't have a kid in the mix. Seriously. Become a man by building your empire. Pussy will come along the way, I promise. And remember, she only loved you as far as she trusted that you'd protect her and give her intense emotions. You failed to be strong, she cared less, and here you are. Marvel at the beauty of how fucked up the world is. Once you're done marveling and learning how it works, leverage it to your benefit. Heed the words of the people who write on these subs. Trust me, it will save you much more heartache than your first real break up.

Billee_Boyee · 2016-12-26T12:09:14+00:00

It sounds trite, but the following adage is a good philosophy.

"Don't be sad it's over, just be glad it happened."

skydragonwhore · 2016-12-26T11:00:58+00:00

That first one is rough. You learn from it. Just give it time.

throwawaycomedian95 · 2016-12-26T10:59:56+00:00

NOW YOU HAVE TIME AND MONEY TO HIT THE FUCKING GYM, BRAH

KriegerAleks · 2016-12-26T12:03:24+00:00

Okay im going to say something different. It doesnt have that much to do with you. I know nothing about your breakup cause you felt we didnt need to know so ill say this. She was there she had fun . Now she is done. Thats it you need to move on, Think over what went wrong and how to improve but get it happens and just move on

Rollo-Tomassi · 2016-12-26T16:58:04+00:00

This will help you understand the dynamic: https://therationalmale.com/2011/10/03/war-brides/

Also, read what I wrote about the Break Phase here: https://therationalmale.com/2014/03/16/preventative-medicine-part-i/

Kalepsis · 2016-12-26T16:37:46+00:00

Yes, it hurts, for now. What you need is a cold, hard slap of reality:

She never loved you.

Women are incapable of loving men the way men love women. She liked not being alone, she enjoyed having her needs met, and she received benefits from her association with you. That's all it was, and those things fade. Some women get bored in days, some take decades. There are ways to mitigate how fast her interest fades (don't cohabitate, keep parts of yourself a mystery, include her in surprise events, etc.) but it is true 100% of the time.

The other thing you need to know is that there are roughly 3.7 billion females in the world. Where one slips away, another takes her place. Go date a couple million of them.

farAwaybra · 2016-12-26T11:18:39+00:00

dude,

I'm the same age as you. Been there few months ago too. But you know what? If I could trade the last few months of experience to get my ex gf back I would say NO!

Man, I know it hurts, you think every minute about her, every day. Then you start to hear that she is fucking a dude you know, you hear that he has slutty pictures of her on his phone, and it hurts.

But after few girls you start stop caring. Spin the Plates. I couldn't never imagine that I would have time management problems for some girls because of other girls. But if you get to this stage you'll never want you ex back. Trust me! I was like you

JvSOUL · 2016-12-26T14:42:59+00:00

If you think that's bad, she also wants other men to ravish her and cum inside her AND WANTS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU. Always remember this incase she wants "Closure" or "to be friends" (Fucking bullshit).

It's better to be the Asshole, trust me dude. I'm also 22, began to improve and my ex started telling me not to become an Asshole (i am MUCH happier being an Asshole). ICut her off, and she's now dead to me.

DowntownSacramento · 2016-12-26T17:38:17+00:00

Realize women don't and will never love you for who you are, only what you do.

You love her for what she is, what she does be damned.

She never truly 'got' you, didn't care about your person, only cared for your person in relation to her. It's the saddest fact of m/f of relationships.

2comment · 2016-12-26T18:46:20+00:00

Revel in the pain as you make your gains. Let it drive you to better yourself. Not so you can recapture her, or take revenge, but so the next time it happens, it will cut less deep, because you'll have options. Taking a poor man's last lincoln hurts him more than stealing a benjamin from a rich man. Strive to be the rich man, at least in terms of options.

You already have the pain. Now find the other part of the equation, the grindstone, to hone yourself.

guifawkes · 2016-12-26T15:46:31+00:00

Hey man, I went through something like that two years ago (I'm 24 now). Some advice an older and wiser brother-in-law gave me really helped me expedite this whole "grieving" process. I thought what someone above stated was pretty spot on in regards to its because of the man that you are is why she left you, I would maybe add the caveat of the man that you've been presenting yourself to be for the purpose of not condemning everything about you. I'm sure there are good things about you, these are the things you tell yourself in your head that she's missing out on, but there are also bad things you are doing or were doingthat are not in your conscious thought AT ALL which are the things occupying her conscious thought. I wouldn't ask her what it is that she didn't like or couldn't stand because that's about the most useless information you can have right now. (Unless she says something like you texted me way too much which is a valid thing imo and should be easy for you to correct)

Instead I would ask yourself a few questions: 1. Why am I upset right now? Write it down. If they led you on, told you lies, or deceived you write it down. (My girl dumped me by not showing up to my 22nd birthday party. No calls, no texts, just a no show. I was understandably furious.) 2. Pretend they recognized their infraction for what it was (not the passive-aggressive I'm sorry you feel like that). Pretend your ex says the actual words "I'm so sorry, I did not recognize how selfish I was being and that I neglected you and this relationship." 3. Decide how you would respond to the hypothetical apology. Would you reject it, curse her out, plead with her, etc? Or....would you do the hardest thing of all: forgive her. (Stick with me for a second and I'll explain.) Forgiving her does not weaken you at all, but rather frees your emotions up to be retargeted towards yourself. It doesn't mean you are condoning her or even condoning girls who do this type of thing, all it does is relieve you of trying to manipulate her emotions in order that she feel the same grief you are now feeling....that will not ever happen. I've had people recommend writing a letter but not sending it, but you could also write her an email or a letter and send it to her as long as you are clear there is no path for her return into your life.

My email went something like this, I ended up sending it and it made me seeing her out much easier and she has actually approached me a couple times while I was out bar hopping. Here it is: (paraphrased of course) "Hey [name], I'm writing this letter to you after much thought and consideration. I think I made it pretty obvious that what you did really upset me at the time. Regardless of whether you feel guilt or glee, I cannot hold onto this offense any longer. To say that I was not hurt at all would be dishonest, what you did hurt me a lot, I cannot deny that. What I can deny however is allowing this to stick with me. For that reason [name], I know I must forgive you. I do not wish any misfortune upon your life but rather hope you do well for yourself in everything you do.

All the best, Your name"

I know this may seem like the antithesis of "let her feel the fury of a thousand suns" but I think freeing yourself up to pick up some new plates is a better short term and long term strategy. I know TRP for the most part is not religious, but there's a scripture in the Bible that perfectly illustrates what not trying to fight them does:

On the contrary: "If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head." -Romans 12:20

TLDR: diagnose the source of your grief, forgive and release, do your thing and pick up plates, heap burning coals on her head while you feel relief, satisfaction, and a new hope for your life.

mattcooperkay · 2016-12-26T10:27:10+00:00

You just have to get over it.

Been through this exact situation a few months back. Had a couple months feeling shit but now I wouldn't change it for the world. I haven't even really begun to improve my life yet, but when you really realise how little it all matters, you'll feel liberated and damn happy.

batfish55 · 2016-12-26T13:16:07+00:00

Remember this. Don't let yourself get attached next time. AWALT

drqxx · 2016-12-26T16:01:51+00:00

Imagine shes dead.

You cant talk to her and she doesn't exist anymore. Then find something to occupy your brain while you heal.

You will get over her. You will find another.

fcb98292 · 2016-12-26T17:30:44+00:00

Go fuck three other women. Head start to recovery.
Lift more. When you miss her, do pushups. Then crunches. Then leg lifts. Then pullups. Then run. Then stretch. Then swim.
Go fuck three different women. You are now halfway to recovery.
Get into hobbies you enjoy, and be seen enjoying them by women.
Read the sidebar. Live it. Dump BP thinking.
Go fuck three more different women. Your recovery is almost assured now.
Make tons of money and tell nobody you made it.
Go back and make plates of the three best fucks from those nine.
"Yeah, I loved her. But I have better things and women to do and think about now."

Thizzlebot · 2016-12-26T18:52:42+00:00

Just block her on everything and focus on other shit. It's that simple. You feel bad if you keep being hopeful and checking her FB and all that shit but if you just block and focus on having fun and meeting other chicks you get over it pretty damn fast. Also think of the bad shit so you don't look back on your shitty relationship with nostalgia.

Ronin11A · 2016-12-26T22:08:24+00:00

You fuck her best friend. Roughly.

Kilted_Guitarist · 2016-12-27T19:07:06+00:00

Shit as it is you suck it the fuck up. Boo hoo on a planet of 7 fucking billion 1 person, I repeat one fucking person doesn't like you. Are you for real? Yeah you had some good times and look back on em fondly, but remember - her shit still stank. Don't focusing lionise her or I will hunt you down and kick your cunt in

Anyway, get some sleep, don't drink too much in some shitty attempt to deal with the pain like you're in a bad rom com. Force yourself to eat well, get in the gym too and sweat it out. It'll hurt, and the scars won't fade - but they're better than bleeding to death

fnordsnord · 2016-12-26T20:23:13+00:00

First: Don't beat yourself up for feeling like shit. It's not weak to fall in love, and it's not a sign of weakness to feel like you've been hit in the gut with a ball peen hammer when it's over. Your response is more-or-less normal (allowing for the fact that you've given me one sentence to work with).

Second: You are allowed one weekend of wallowing. Sit on the couch eating cheetos and playing call of duty for two days. Get blind drunk. Whatever is your thing for numbing shock that you can do without hurting yourself. (Personally, I recommend the Call of Duty binge over the blind drunk. The hangover hurts less.)

But once you've had your binge, put that away. Continuing to avoid the pain makes the mourning period longer. Because that's what you're doing. You had something you thought was great, and now it's gone.

Smigg_e · 2016-12-26T13:05:34+00:00

Reinvent yourself to become so content with yourself that you never feel that hurt ever again in your life.

FarfromaHero40 · 2016-12-26T15:14:17+00:00

And chemically speaking, your body is going through a type of withdrawl process. She who was once your drug is now out of you life, much like quitting an addictive habit cold-turkey. Win the war of attrition and let your body adjust to the new norm without her. Painful, but much better to accept a hard truth than to hold out with false hope.

erikoteh · 2016-12-26T16:32:32+00:00

Kill Beatrice.

GrimsterrOP · 2016-12-26T17:19:06+00:00

Now I'm not gonna tell you that it's gonna be alright. And time heals everything, because it doesn't.

I'm going through a similar situation where my ex disrespected me and insulted me, so I dumped her and it feels bad. Time won't heal no shit, only you heal yourself. Work on making yourself better to be able to receive what is about to come next in your life. Whether it is spinning plates or an LTR.

The__Tren__Train · 2016-12-26T21:47:16+00:00

get shredded and tan

dendsm111 · 2016-12-27T00:24:22+00:00

She was never yours it was just your turn. The more you let this in the more you will understand.

RealRational · 2016-12-27T01:28:46+00:00

Her loss, then move on.

StoicCrane · 2016-12-27T05:30:33+00:00

Find a new one.

vajav · 2017-01-04T01:21:47+00:00

She was never yours...it was just your turn....hope things are getting better

UncleLover · 2017-01-05T18:16:30+00:00

Realize that you need to be emotionally strong as a rock. Go fuck someone else and lift, focus on improving yourself.

Women are incapable of Love and they "love" differently than us. That's just how it is, like it or not.

ControlBlue · 2016-12-26T09:40:50+00:00

You get another one.

Comments

Imagine shes dead.