Anyone else here 30 and feeling like a loser?

Ansec · 2018-12-05T20:52:37+00:00

Now I feel a shell of what I was. I am 30, living at my parents, working at a job I don't like. None of my good friends live in the area, and I cant go see them often because they work 9-5s and I work all night on the weekends. I have lost a lot of energy to goto the gym, been drinking too much, and jacking it again

Fix it. Nothing anyone here can tell you that you don't already know. You have to work.

My suggestion

Year One:

Pay off all your loans. Become debt free While your rent is cheap.
Find a new job.
Get a side hustle.
Get your own place. Find a roommate if you have to.
Continue to game women.
Turn that side hustle into a business.
Put aside as much money as you can.

Year Two:

Invest in real estate.
Start another side hustle.
Turn second side hustle into business.
Sell first business.

Repeat year two until retirement. Along the way if you find a woman worth starting a family, then do so. Stay off social media if it's bumming you out.

W_O_M_B_A_T · 2018-12-05T21:38:28+00:00

You're in your 30's and feel like a loser.

You were in your 20's and felt like a loser.

You were in your teens and felt like a loser.

You were 9 years old and felt like a loser.

Don't pretend this has anything to do with externalities like aging or your social/career status. This tends to be a chronic, lifelong condition.

Feelings of shame and inferiority generally develop around age 3-5 when you're learning to talk and toilet training. This is generally due to parents with a high level of neuroticism who didn't reward you for positive efforts and acted like you were a chore.

You label yourself as an "Incel." What this really means is self-sabotage behaviors that seek to create validation for your longterm feelings of shame. Most people hate cognitive dissonance so much that they'll sabotage themselves rather than question their own internal myths- narratives.

This is what the author Paulo Coelho calls a "personal legend."

horologist2018 · 2018-12-05T21:15:34+00:00

u/ansec gave good advice.

My whole thing is, reading your post, it's clear that you have the ability to pull yourself out of this, as you have in the past.

You were a bitch-ass incel up until 21, then you did this crazy ass thing: You fixed it.

Had some roller coasters like we all do, then got your count up to 200. That's more girls than most men will EVER reach in a life time. You do realize that, right?

My point is, you have the ability.

Your problem isn't your new situation (though it does sound depressing); the problem is that it's a new situation to you, and you FORGOT that you have the ability to change your mindset.

Again; you were a wimpy incel until 21. Now your count is over 200.

You CLEARLY have the ability to make the best out of your current situation. So make it happen.

Talinor09 · 2018-12-05T21:16:06+00:00

Hard work and discipline bro. That’s the cure and only you can ingest it.

AshyLarry27 · 2018-12-06T01:41:57+00:00

On top of that - I still have that tiny bit of the most bitter part of TRP unswallowed - every time i see someone I know getting engaged or married (happening a lot now at 30) - I feel more and more like I am being left behind

If you've read the side bar, you already know how that horror movie is going to go.

"If your friends wants to jump off a bridge, would you do it too?"

So you're in student loan debt, but now you want to date a chick to end up in "engagement ring" debt, "wedding costs" debt, "raising children" debt, and then eventual "that bitch left me and took everything I am worth" debt. For the sake of "keeping up with the Jones" of course.

Once you free yourself from this mentality that you HAVE to get married, life becomes easier. Focus on YOU first. Get YOUR money and life right first. So many guys want to get married already when they have nothing else going for them. Why? Just so she can bitch and moan to you about how you dont make enough money to provide for you both, or why you didn't do more with your life?

You clearly have the potential to fix this mess. Don't be a mentally weak about it because "oh no, I am 30 and single" routine.

BumblingBeta · 2018-12-06T01:19:50+00:00

I discovered tinder - and then I went on a rampage - Im definitely near 200.

How do you get so many dates from Tinder? I barely get a single match on there and when I do, they don't reply back.

books_are_friends · 2018-12-06T03:26:13+00:00

Anyone can get laid on tinder. Don’t source your confidence from that, literally anyone can get laid every night. It doesn’t reflect on you well.

You should have been working harder to save money instead of giving all of your time to girls who give a shit about you.

Now you’re living at your parents house. Stop whining and get out of this rut. Any girl who sleeps with a man that lives at his parents house is pathetic ... then again that’s tinder like I said. Anyone can get laid.

You’ll be fine, just get shit done

OfficerWade · 2018-12-06T09:06:32+00:00

When I hear problems with these it makes me think I don’t have it so bad. But that’s not really the point of this community. We want change.

I’ll be the first to admit working 9-5 is a good start but it’s not ideal. I like paying my bills and being a good little cog in the machine and coming home to spread my girlfriends legs on cold sheets to just wake up in the morning and do it again. Because I know life could be so much worse. I eat three or four meals a day and my women don’t complain.

So starting another job opportunity would be smart I get that. The question is what have you done to change?

Imperator_Red · 2018-12-06T16:46:51+00:00

Im definitely near 200

Goddamn, dude. I thought my 40 was a lot. This post rings pretty true for me as well minus the living at home.

I was always a good student (good grades and test scores in HS, good university, non-retarded major). Feel like I did all the right things career wise but I'm not where I want to be, mostly because I haven't "played the game" the right way. I'm seeing other people that I know I'm smarter and more talented than advancing in their careers and it pisses me off. I know I shouldn't compare myself to others... but I still do. It's also hard when your friends live all over the country and you just don't make those same bonds with new guys as you age.

I also find it harder and harder to get motivated to work out lately as I used to draw my motivation from being in the military since is was "part of the job" and staying fit was actually important to my career and not just for vanity and women. Doing great with chicks but I sometimes feel like I'm a big fraud and they will see right through me. They usually don't though because they're fucking stupid and easily deceived. It's such a weird situation to be in. When I was younger I was a high achiever in "life" and wasn't having success with women, and now it's the opposite.

I've also become increasingly nihilistic and almost apathetic towards life. Sometimes I laugh and wonder why I even worry about my career if I'm getting laid. Then I think about how backwards and unhealthy our society is, so what's the point of even trying? I can just keep getting laid, lead a minimalist lifestyle, never have kids, and laugh as my country/civilization circle the drain (enjoy the decline). That just seems so incredibly depressing and empty though.

I know I have to just find a passion that I can really care about and not worry about things outside of my control. I'm trying but it's a hard habit to break. I thought I had my mission but the military was such an unending stream of bullshit that it wore me down, and corporate America is pretty much the same. Well, that turned into a massive bitch session. Feels good to get it off my chest though, even if it's just to strangers on the internet.

jaw8625 · 2018-12-08T18:50:13+00:00

ok motivation still needed here

in the past 3 days I have failed to quit drinking, failed to quit smoking, failed to quit jerking off, and I am still in contact with my oneitis.

Need a swift kick in the ass here

SavvyMillennial · 2018-12-29T09:23:23+00:00

incel until 21 lmao, im still an incel almost 30. my money is right though so im not totally depressed. I feel like people value sex over reaching their goals. its interesting.

Title	Anyone else here 30 and feeling like a loser?
Author	jaw8625
Upvotes	2
Comments	39
Date	December 5, 2018 8:21 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/a3g5qq/anyone_else_here_30_and_feeling_like_a_loser/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/anyone-else-here-30-and-feeling-like-a-loser.69865 https://theredarchive.com/post/69865

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