Are these boundaries reasonable?

i-am-the-prize · 2021-06-04T17:06:20+00:00

reasonable.

you may want to add, you are the public girl, and they are to remain private.

I only know of one 'successful' open-on-one-side LTR and that was on her list. my buddy basically said: "she said she understands my drive and desires do not line up with hers, so she'd rather I get that out of my system... as long as she never sees them, I never do any events/parties/public functions with my side piece(s)"

check out Caleb Jones OLTR content on blackdragon site

-signed, not a loser teenager

Good_Comedian_32 · 2021-06-04T16:16:41+00:00

Has he hinted at wanting an open relationship like this or are you just throwing this idea out there because it'll be sustainable long term?

Those are definitely reasonable boundaries but both of you have to be honest and communicative for it to work.

Even if you didnt tell him about rule number 3 then you would still have no responsibility required for the kid

themostgianthorse · 2021-06-04T16:17:56+00:00

All sounds reasonable.

Boundary #3 should not be an issue (in 97% of cases) if boundary # 1 is honored.

InevitableWasabi69 · 2021-06-04T17:12:28+00:00

First off props for having the capacity to understand that men are hard wired to spread their seed. Secondly, your number 3 is fair and I don’t think anyone here would have an issue with your boundaries. I’ll add that your current partner could get drunk one night, have sex with some bimbo he met at a party, and then never speak to her again because he made zero emotional investment. He will come back home to you and continue to provide, protect, and do his traditional masculine duties. If at any time you feel uncomfortable with the fact that your partner is someone other women want to fuck and that he could get with them on a whim, communicate that to him and proceed accordingly. I’m not a woman so I can’t say much more than that. Again, props for being able to understand that men and women love differently and that a high value guy like your partner will have options that he may not ever emotionally invest in but potentially have sex with.

MattyAnon · 2021-06-04T17:44:01+00:00

Those are reasonable boundaries.

My main concern is about #3

You have nothing to be concerned about, you have zero moral or legal liability here.

Am I being a jerk if I refuse to care for a child that's not mine?

Absolutely not. As a woman, noone would ask that of you.

Doesn't my "I have no responsibility towards this kid" come off as unsupportive, uncooperative, and kinda jerkish when/if that situation actually occurred?

No.

You have not precluded being supportive of him, but you have made clear that you have zero responsibility towards the child.

This is reasonable, but I really don't think you need to worry: noone would ask or expect that of you.

In short: you're fine.

Frank_Perfectly · 2021-06-04T19:35:00+00:00

I believe that monogamy (sexual monogamy, NOT emotional monogamy) is a concept that most men will be miserable with, leading them to feel trapped in the relationship.

Probably not “most” men. I think many men would be content if their woman just maintained a consistent desire for sex from their man.

GrandmasterHurricane · 2021-06-04T20:32:37+00:00

You go and term a dude that he can fuck whoever he wants, you automatically become a doormat. Don't drink the koolaid. Monogamy is not that hard if you both have a spine.

ErectileDistention · 2021-06-04T18:21:31+00:00

Q3:
If we put aside the idea of what is fair and reasonable and instead focus on how such an arrangement would actually work. If your plan is to leave if it happens than all is good, no discussion needed. However, let's say he has a kid with another woman and you decide not to get involved in that aspect of his life but still continue the relationship. Is that really something you'd want? Surely this would encroach on your relationship as he would have responsibilities financially and timewise that are higher priority than your relationship. You'd be uninvolved in a large part of his life and important experiences. Now imagine that you two also have children and you still take the same stance. Now your life would get even more difficult and you'd be in scheduling hell all the time.
The opposite scenario is what you see a lot today, aka the "modern family" where one or both partners bring children from other relationships. In that case you would act as a "bonus mom". This alleviates a lot of the issues I mentioned earlier but the downside is of course that you end up taking care of somebody else's children which you won't necessarily enjoy.

Finally, it's your boundaries set them as you please, but don't think of these things in term of what is fair or not because it won't matter in the end.

T00kTheRedPill · 2021-06-04T20:43:50+00:00

Guys, pay attention to this post. What OP is doing here is called “The Reverse Permission Trick.” She wants to give him permission to cheat because SHE wants to cheat. One of the oldest tricks in the book.

Of course she’s going to deny it, but I guarantee you she’s either got another dude lined up or one in mind.

After her dude cheats she’s going to tell him “Well I let you do it so now I want to ‘explore my options.’ “

The way he should handle this is tell her “Ok that’s fine, but just know I’m not now nor will I ever agree to you fucking around.” Chances are she’ll either change her tune or she’ll agree with it then still cheat.

Guys, if “your“ woman ever brings up this talk, just know that your committed relationship is over. Demote or dump her, unless you’re down with another dude blowing her back out.

SeasonedRP · 2021-06-04T21:55:43+00:00

I would also tell him to be discrete. You don't want to know about it, hear about it, or look bad by others knowing/hearing about it.

savdtx · 2021-06-04T21:57:18+00:00

Reasonable

Temporary_Trash_5047 · 2021-06-04T22:29:25+00:00

I applaud this.

May I suggest that in the case of #3 you could consider polygamy / being sister-wives IF you get along.

sabanMiles11 · 2021-07-04T05:57:42+00:00

You have an interesting profile. I would advise against an open relationship. It will lead you to wanting to have sex with other people down the road, ultimately ending the relationship. Sure, men want to “naturally” spread seed. Just like we naturally want to eat non stop junk food, we naturally don’t feel like exercising, we naturally don’t want to work, etc. To be a man, you have to override tour emotions. If you want to get laid a lot, you need to override your negative feelings when rejected. If you want to start a business, you need to override your feelings knowing that working a desk job would be easier. Same goes for marriage. Men want to fuck everything. It doesn’t mean we should. And we generally have the ability to control that emotion. The fact that both of you are very young means that neither of your pair bonding is fucked up yet. I’m assuming you haven’t slept with a bunch of dudes. If that’s true, try to make this work. Because every relationship after this will fuck up your pair bonding abilities

tag2man · 2021-06-04T17:02:13+00:00

Kudos to you for your open mindedness.

All reasonable. It would be quid pro quo if it were two sided.

For #3 an option is you can clarify that you will support him in that situation as a caring partner, but you may want to separate that, if so, you are not going to put yourself in the position of a surrogate mother. Hopefully this case doesn't happen, because whilst a deterrent, if he does get someone pregnant, your relationship ecosystem is not going to be the same. Bear that in mind.

spedoid · 2021-06-04T22:21:46+00:00

you sound awesome

heathrowaway678 · 2021-06-04T15:58:14+00:00

You know that you, as a woman, asking a forum full of male loser teenagers, right?

VictxrSenpai · 2021-06-04T19:33:24+00:00

IMO I'd add pulling out plus the female be on some form of birth control to make sure no slip ups.

bluesfan16 · 2021-06-04T20:01:14+00:00

Do you think my boundaries, especially #3, are reasonable?

It's reasonable but not realistic if you are living together. Assuming he chooses to take an active parenting role then you’ll be interacting with his kid and the mom all the time. His kid will be at your house a minimum of one night a week and every other weekend so you will be taking on that responsibility too if you did want to remain supportive. So you will be way more likely to play the stepmom role than remaining an unattached third party. If you are not living together then it will be easier to extricate yourself during the times he has his kid but then you’ll need to deal with the fact that you're not involved in a huge part of his life. So realistically, if he does get someone pregnant and wants to be a good dad, you are going to have to decide if you’re willing to graciously accept the new dynamic and welcome his child into your life too or exit the relationship and find someone else.

Intrepid_Artist · 2021-06-05T15:22:12+00:00

There is difference between being dump and being submissive.

Why would you do it? What do you gain?

Cause you "wasting" your best years. No decent man will marry you once you are 30.

Sky_Crisis · 2021-06-04T16:54:57+00:00

You should know men can't get other men pregnant so you should be good

Title	Are these boundaries reasonable?
Author	maziethemazing
Upvotes	16
Comments	51
Date	June 4, 2021 3:54 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/ns8eta/are_these_boundaries_reasonable/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/are-these-boundaries-reasonable.772536 https://theredarchive.com/post/772536

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