Behavior modification? Something I am trying

Archwinger · 2014-05-27T18:51:48+00:00

You're the man, right?

It's your job to initiate sex. If you like it when she says that she wants you, then after you're fucking her hard, like an animal, tell her to beg you for more. Tell her to beg to suck your dick. Take command in the bedroom.

Being a passive little wimp and waiting for your woman to make a move, and essentially, asking her to take you like a man (rather than asking you to take her like she's currently doing), is the wrong message.

This sounds like you're passive-aggressively trying to get your SO to admit that she wants/likes sex with you. i.e., getting her to initiate or say she wants it, versus asking you whether you want it (thereby giving her deniability, since she just asked if you wanted it and you said yes -- she never said she wanted you.)

A woman's words are worthless. They say all kinds of shit. Only 7% of communication is verbal. The words she says don't matter. Pay attention to what she's communicating -- look at her actions. Even if you force her to say she wants you, those are just words. Your job isn't to browbeat her into saying something. It's to lead, to be dominant and manly in the bedroom, and make her want you. Not make her say she wants you.

needathrowawayplease · 2014-05-27T19:40:32+00:00

I had a long-term girlfriend that never turned down sex from me once during 2 years, never complained about not getting enough sex but also never asked for it. On the other hand she also initiated herself probably five times ever (physically like you want or verbally like you don't want, she did neither).

She was always responsive once I started doing even the slightest foreplay. Sometimes I wished she'd initiate or come on to me for once and I'd talk to her about how I wished she'd want it spontaneously, but she told me that for whatever reason she didn't ever just feel horny unless I started foreplay with her and then she would feel horny. She'd never had any real desire to masturbate when she was growing up either, her sex drive seemed to be a switch that could only be flipped by others but didn't get ignited by itself.

Eventually we broke up for unrelated reasons, but after dating girls later on who turned me down half the time I tried to initiate, I learned that the grass is always greener on the either side of the fence if you let it be, and sometimes you've gotta just be happy with what you have. I would totally be happy with a girl with a sex drive like that again, the compromise of no spontaneous blowjobs in exchange for never being turned down once is worth it for me if the rest of the relationship is solid.

Sounds like your situation is very different, but you are also married so you've gotta work on improving the situation not starting fresh with someone else. So I'd say focus on the small victories, the fact that she's asking you for sex now is better than her not initiating at all right? Encourage her when she asks you to have sex and show your happiness that she's making progress (assuming this is progress), and continue being a desirable guy.

Focus first on the issue of trying to get that 1/5 initiation higher and later on if you solve this first issue then you can worry about her initiating too. You need to accept that she's asking to have sex and enjoy the god damn sex, or else you might end up ruining what you do have and make negative progress. It will be much better for you if she continues to improve and she starts accepting more of your initiation than if you put pressure on her to initiate in the exact way you want to - you risk losing her initiating at all.

Title	Behavior modification? Something I am trying
Author	pleasedontknowme30
Upvotes	1
Comments	17
Date	May 27, 2014 5:42 PM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/26meue/behavior_modification_something_i_am_trying/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/behavior-modification-something-i-am-trying.140011 https://theredarchive.com/post/140011

Comments