Can trust ever be regained?

jttjt · 2017-02-15T08:40:49+00:00

Nope. This post is obviously aimed at men but really mostly applies to women too.

"Even if you could go back to where you were, any relationship you might have with an ex will be colored by all of the issues that led up to the breakup. In other words, you know what the end result of those issues has been. It will always be the 800 pound. gorilla in the room in any future relationship."

We've all been here with the girl that broke our trust and tried to "change herself" or "be better" and win us back. Guess what: it's always cheap lies and the girl never changes and despite what you can easily say right now, you're not any different and you won't actually do any changing cause if he took you back you would just immediately get complacent.

I can tell from your self absorbed post (count how many times you say I or me) you aren't sorry for whatever you did, just sorry you got caught so why should he take you back anyway?

Tiway22 · 2017-02-15T10:31:22+00:00

Let me get this straight.

You were snapping a "friend" with cleavage showing. He made sexual comments. You then proceeded to tell him that you have a house available and that he should come over for drinks.

You're a fucking slut and your boyfriend was right to dump you. The fuck you think was going to happen with a setup like that?

What's crazy is you even understand AWALT, and you're just confirming that for us.

Good job to the guy for dumping your dumbass. No respect.

88Will88 · 2017-02-15T11:35:03+00:00

You will never get him back and you do not deserve him back. Your ridiculous choice to continue conversations with someone who was making sexual comments to you was YOUR choice. Live with it. I doubt very much that you will learn anything from this, or change your ways. Just in case you can actually change proceed as follows. If you are interested in finding a good man then try and become a good woman. This may be impossible if you have already ridden the cock carousel for a while, women with a high n-count are unable to pair bond. Real men do not want to have a serious or ongoing relationship with girls who have male friends or who have fucked loads of guys. We find it disgusting and girls who have a high partner count are only for sex, not for relationships. Betas and manginas are your only option if you have a high previous partner count. On the off chance that you have had less than a dozen dicks in you then learn to act like a modest feminine woman. Do not have male friends if you are dating. Dress moderately, learn to be good at domestic duties, be respectful, lay off social media. I could go on and on, at least you have displayed some initiative and intelligence by asking for advice here instead of relationships or ask women. That is the only reason I am giving you the time of day. If you can wean yourself off social media, dump the beta orbiters, stop getting wasted, act feminine and stop sitting on random dicks, maybe you can get yourself a decent beta to take care of you. Just do not fuck him over and hurt him the way you just hurt the poor guy you mention in the post.

quicklogaccount · 2017-02-15T11:54:42+00:00

You don't get a very good understanding of TRP. Usually I don't bother women with it, but you should take a better look at our sidebar.
You are a woman, and awalt, just like all men have the same drives. Unless you have psychological issues.
Saying "awalt" doesn't imply that all women cheat.

I'll start off with your answer. You said he's a RP man, so I doubt you'll be able to recover your relationship. He doesn't need to take the chances.

Anyway. First, look at it through his lenses. Provided that he's a confident man, every time he sees a woman (she might even be less attractive than you, just as long as she's not ugly), he makes the conscious decision of not pursuing her. He would like to.
Every time a woman hints him, he makes a conscious EFFORT not to pursue and to refuse sex with her, out of sheer respect for you.
He doesn't put himself in a position that makes the cheating likely to happen.

Now, what bugs him isn't whether you cheated or not. He sees you as a woman that puts herself in a position where cheating is really likely to happen. And don't fool yourself. Maybe not with this friend, not with the next, but you won't meet and have drinks alone with a guy in maybe 10 occasions and not cheat.
The image you have to rebuild isn't one of "I'm not a cheater". You have to rebuild your value as a woman that will probably be a decent partner.

Now, rebuilding this image is possible but provided that he's a valuable man, it'd be irrational of him to give you a chance. He doesn't have to, he's strong enough to sever your bonds and move on, find himself a less naive girlfriend, one that doesn't require him to obsess and waste energy wondering whether she is cheating or not.
Your only chance to get this chance is making the choice of giving you a chance rational for him. Making the risk of not severing the bonds and putting himself in a potentially dangerous position worth of the benefits. So, well, it is possible.
But I have no idea about how you can do it. When guys are cheated on but to give their girlfriends a chance I suggest them to ask them for threesomes and stuff like that, but I say it because, besides serving many purposes for them, I bet it'll cause their cheating girlfriends to break up. No idea if that'd work for you though.

abolishpmo · 2017-02-15T09:10:57+00:00

No, now try asking at /r/relationships

Atticus_Crowley · 2017-02-15T09:42:38+00:00

Gonna need more details here. Was it just you talking to one of your orbiters in a flirty way? Or were ya talking to an ex about how much you missed them? Or were ya sending nudes?

Flirting can be forgiven. Talking to an ex....MAYBE, but you're gonna have to accept the fact that you won't be able to talk to any of your ex's again, and pretty much any of your male "just friends" will be on notice as well. Pics and/or any sort of explicit talk or suggestions? Any guy worth anything won't even bother thinking about you again aside maybe the occasional moment of remembrance followed by a chuckle or a cringe.

mcr00sterdota · 2017-02-15T08:59:11+00:00

Once a cheater always a cheater.

electricspresident · 2017-02-15T10:33:10+00:00

You must first understand that the way your whole 'situation' with your old friend played out was at its core a result of your nature. No matter what the scorpion said it would have still bitten the frog, even if it meant its own death, meaning your words are useless hence why it's often said here listen to her actions not her words. Your actions itself proved AWALT to your bf.

To address your question AWALT is not 100%, people change and so can you. You'll need to be fully honest with yourself and your bf. You liked the attention and atleast a tiny bit fancied the idea of spending a night with this old friend, admit this & say sorry. Then let him know you are going to try real hard to regain his trust & affection including changing yourself and meeting all his rules/limitations etc. And this part is gonna be bitter (hence the bitter red pill) after all you do/sacrifices yoh make/improve yourself you might still not succeed in regaining this guy's trust and you'll have to be ok with that.

Chances are though that you won't, not when a new dick is 2 clicks away, hell maybe even a better dick with more money, fancier car and whole lot of fun!

slapshotbish · 2017-02-15T11:45:34+00:00

How did he find out this happened? I need a good laugh when I hear the hamster on this

oldredder · 2017-02-15T14:19:09+00:00

I would not be able to, not ever, but I still understand it's not that girl, it's the girls before. After the cheating I've seen, including lots of married women trying to pick me up it's over. My first assumption is that women are not single and are cheating until proven otherwise, and my next assumption is that if I have a girlfriend she will cheat for sure in less than 4 months no matter what.

The number of honest non-cheating women is so small it may as well be zero.

Nergaal · 2017-02-15T15:41:09+00:00

I am curious why you didn't start by saying what you ACTUALLY did to break his trust

MattyAnon · 2017-02-15T19:26:18+00:00

What are you offering that's better than all the other girls?

He might be an awesome incredible guy, but I'm guessing if that's the case he's got his pick. He sounds considerably better than your alternatives, and you are on par with his.

Perhaps the "possibly might have cheated" was just the excuse he needed to break up with you, and not the real reason. In which case devotion and supplication just makes you look worse.

If you were a guy I'd say "improve yourself, get more options, get over your one-itis".

But you're a girl, so you'll give it a week or two and then find yourself hating him rather than working on yourself.

EDIT ... haha just read this bit:

I took a picture which showed some cleavage (I am very large breasted and so this occurs without me trying a lot of the time) I didn't even realise properly til he commented and then covered myself up fully.

Hahahaha.... "I didn't even realise properly". wow, first woman ever to send a pic without seeing what it looks like first. SURE.

You were snapping a "friend" with cleavage showing. He made sexual comments. You then proceeded to tell him that you have a house available and that he should come over for drinks.

Picture, sexual comments, house available and drinks?

I have self control, no feelings sexually for this friend

Interesting that you've retracted all this in your post. Trying to get us to help you get out of this, even though we all know what you were trying to do.

You behaved utterly inappropriately, I'm glad he's dumped you, he should have. I hope that you fail to get him back, he's too good for you.

AskmeIfIamFapping · 2017-02-15T13:47:50+00:00

Just read your TL;DR so i don't know the whole story but yes, you can. Humans are slaves of emotions.

However, depends on the person. If it was me, I simply wouldn't care. The point I am in my life, you aren't worth going back to ground zero(I don't care if you look like Kate Upton). If it was my best bro, all you gotta do is suck him like everyday and give him a lot of love and stuff and he'll give it a shot. He's a sucker for someone showing love. My point: Depends.

FerociousOreos · 2017-02-15T16:01:37+00:00

You might want to try the sub for RP women.

Kommanderdude · 2017-02-15T17:14:06+00:00

BluntMFer · 2017-02-15T21:16:12+00:00

I have a feeling this is the same little girl that posted about cucking her BF on TIFU lmao

Can trust ever be regained?

Comments

number of times OP wrote "me" or "I" = 26 times in 10 lines, about 2.6 times per line.

Title	Can trust ever be regained?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	8
Comments	162
Date	February 15, 2017 8:36 AM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/5u6ajl/can_trust_ever_be_regained/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/can-trust-ever-be-regained.217034 https://theredarchive.com/post/217034