Dad is threatening to kill himself, need help

bsutansalt · 2020-02-21T15:37:52+00:00

All hands on deck #2. You cannot save him if he doesn't want to save himself. You need to call in friends, family, and professionals on this one.

DudeBroDog · 2020-02-20T03:14:40+00:00

most important is to keep showing how much you care about him

Folknust · 2020-02-20T03:40:04+00:00

Show him that you love him. Give him a hug once in a while.

mechcoder598 · 2020-02-20T04:30:04+00:00

Tell him he is a warrior that has met with all the trials and tribulations of life like a man should. Tell him he could have easily abandoned you but instead he took responsibility for himself along with you and has done a great job. Tell him a great story like that of his should not end with such a sorry note. Tell him his manliness needs to be taught to his grand kids so that he his life enriches the future generations to come. Tell him that he needs to be patient and things will get better, they always do.

Also, can he take time for some physical activity. I was depressed in my late teens and that made a massive difference.

Hope this helps.

defkon01 · 2020-02-20T03:45:58+00:00

Tell him that you love him every chance you get! Hug him and show him that you cared!

trunksshortsman · 2020-02-20T03:37:57+00:00

If you can convince him to see a professional

VasiliyZaitzev · 2020-02-20T05:27:27+00:00

Tell him to take out a fuck ton of term life. That will give you two years to talk him out of it (although check the policy terms).

Sometimes, logic works.

Purplegetraenk · 2020-02-20T04:20:29+00:00

Be and stay strong! Keep your nerves and don’t panic, talk with him! Tell him fuck the money, you love him! Tell him how grateful you are to have him in your life! Tell him how grateful you are for YOUR life! Tell him how important he is for your life and that he should stay strong for your life! Take him outside to nature, fuck your social life! Spend time with your dad. Take him with you to a gym and invite him to a football game or whatever. Spend time with him, tell him women isn’t important and how beautiful life on earth is actually. Go out with him to eat nice food. Tell him there WILL BE BETTER TIMES! Stay strong now bro! No matter how shitty life is, we should always be grateful there are many people who wish they could have our shittiest days. Good luck

PachoHerrera0 · 2020-02-20T03:58:20+00:00

He needs to see a professional. Invite him along to the gym with you. Take him to Mexico to have fun with hookers and cocaine.

_Last_Man_Standing_ · 2020-02-20T06:03:53+00:00

Depression is normal human emotion.
Get him to read some Epictetus or Marcus Aurelius or any of the Stoic philosophers.

Modern world made us forget that depression and suffering is the norm.
We became weak and we try to avoid unpleasantness..

VigilantSmartbomb · 2020-02-20T11:26:55+00:00

Maybe tell him the only way he’d be a burden IS if he killed himself?

Vivek0001 · 2020-02-20T08:28:54+00:00

This will be a long comment, I hope it will be worthwhile. Do read till the end as I have started on a slow note. I will be happy to discuss in detail if need be, feel free to ask.

Bro from your post is apparent how much you love your father, and how much he loves and trusts you. I will suggest the followings-

I) Show him your affection, how much you care for him, tell him you both are a team, a family, he means/is a world to you. Be calm, try smiling joking around him, seem confident and happy. don't be sad or worried around him. This will give him strength. Tell him you are a fighter, you have learned this from him. tell him its just a dark night, sun will shine tomorrow. just don't give up during the night.

II) Spend more time together, do something together, any game/activity will be great, go for walks, morning/evening/night doesn't matter.

III) Have the talk, you just need to ask straight logical questions, and listen to him, let him express, let him unload his burden. don't forget to ask/put your thoughts and questions when he is done expressing. and unlike the popular opinion here, I will suggest you don't sugarcoat. logic/reasoning will help him get hold of his emotions, it will let him see where he might be wrong. let me give examples-

-> he wants to give you a headstart with the money, but will any amount of money will be sufficient to fill the void created in your life when he is gone.

-> he knows how loneliness feels, does he thinks you will not be alone without him.

-> ask him does he really think there is nothing, not even a bit you both can do to make your life better, enjoyable. (If yes then sit with pen paper and start making some plans not matter big or small, short-term or long term.)

-> finally taking one's life is a one time, final, irreversible thing. so why hurry, wait, think, explore each and every fucking way to make it memorable..

I should probably end it here, but I feel to help as much as I can. I will list some small tips, they may seems silly, but I think they will have a very positive and helpful impact on his mind and thinking, at least I hope so.

-> Give him small trivial challenges, which he can win after a bit of effort. but don't discuss this before hand to him and make it to obvious that its part of your plan. Overtime this will give him confidence, a sense of accomplishment, natural dopamine(feel good/motivation hormone), and increase his will to live. It can be some game, even redundant tasks wrapped as some challenge.

-> Ask him to teach you something and take interest in learn. teaching in itself is a healing/feel good activity. He will feel a sense of importance, he will know his live is worth something. and that people/you still need him, and his love.

hope this helps, all the best!

edit: enhanced readability.

tiredturtleman · 2020-02-20T03:57:39+00:00

Take a semester off and keep an eye on him help him grow fix the situation and show him there’s purpose to living. Man I hope everything gets well soon brother.

Domebeers · 2020-02-20T05:30:49+00:00

well, tell him to take out a life insurance policy, for one.

ArnoldBateman · 2020-02-20T07:30:54+00:00

Tell him you love him and convince him to lift with you

theUnBannableHulk · 2020-02-20T09:31:46+00:00

A Father who raised his child from a helpless baby to a Man can NEVER be a burden.

Tell him this, let him know that you’re his son and his blood and you are proud and honoured to have him as a father.

runswiththelions · 2020-02-20T13:04:07+00:00

Be an inspiration to him.

Project yourself into the future by asking him "Who will my grandkids call grandpa?". Play inspirational and motivational videos that are loud enough for him to hear, e.g Eric Thomas, Myles Munroe, Les Brown, etc.

Whenever you speak with him, drop inspirational sayings, or stories of great men who went through great adversity but overcame it.

Let him know that life happens, "No one gets a 100 on the test of life", but him making it this far in life, and having you, and that you consider him a great inspiration to keep going on in life.

You need to find a game or activity both of you can enjoy e.g Chess, ping pong, golf, maybe even video games.

Also play binaural beats with affirmations such as " I am positive" or " I am successful" videos loud enough for him to hear them (alot of these on youtube).

Hire a woman with a beautiful voice to call him randomly and make him feel wanted and appreciated, have her be flirtatious while also being soft spoken and sincere.

Find old photos of your dad when he was younger, even his accomplishments, and bring up the good memories.

Introduce him to stand up comedy, some of your favorite comedians, the goal is to get through to him piece by piece, that life is still worth living. Please update us, let us know how it goes.

Xaxaima · 2020-02-20T18:15:57+00:00

Claiming to feel like a burden is a big red flag for suicides. Contact your local healthcare providers and see what crisis resources are available. Better to take it too seriously than to forever regret not acting.

Lost my dad to suicide and research since has shown me that was the biggest sign I could have picked up on. Please don't make the same mistake.

PhaedrusHunt · 2020-02-20T06:00:38+00:00

Read The Myth of Sisyphus with him

RodDiddy · 2020-02-20T14:33:33+00:00

Telling him that you love him is great and all, but where he is at right now, it'll just sound like platitudes. Those are lame as shit and makes him feel worse. You need to make him feel like he's needed and valued. I didnt have a father growimg up. No one took me to baseball practice, no one talked to me about girls, how to handle bullies, how to drink, about sex, etc., help with homework, marriage, etc. Even how to learn from their mistakes. It was all school of hard knocks. You should make a list of those things that he did and tell him hes not done. You still need his help - dont leave me hanging - i dont trust anyone more than you dad to talk to personal issues. I dont need the money more than I need your support. Hopefully it sorks out. Lmk.

A_Edgelord · 2020-02-20T17:46:39+00:00

Give him a big dosage of shrooms. I'm not kidding, research it.

cobaltblueguitar · 2020-02-20T20:36:17+00:00

you're a good son. you care about him.

does he masturbate? try to get him to do nofap

newyearzz2020 · 2020-02-20T04:45:32+00:00

Hug him bro. Spend time with him. Tell him he’s not a burden and you NEED him. Tell him you can’t fulfill your potential without his help. And he needs to be alive to help.

Also have him see a psychologist.

Support him man you gotta show him love

Casd12 · 2020-02-20T04:25:59+00:00

Man fuck all of these weak ass answers. You need to tell him straight up that you and him are men. And as men, we ain't some pussy ass bitches that end up killing ourselves because life is hard.

We Do not go gentle into that good night, We Rage, rage against the dying of the light. We fight even when the odds are stacked against us. We're all going to die anyways might as well go all out and try with maximum effort to better your life. Early deaths are a waste because you're cutting short the potential that you'll never be able to realize because you gave up too early.

IonianIdol · 2020-02-20T04:36:37+00:00

A friend of mine was suicidal as well, all I could do was be supportive and do everything I reasonably could to get him to get professional help. He finally did and he got much better ever since. I also helped him find another job in the meantime since the job alone took a toll on his moral, I think he was having a burnout.

Taipoe · 2020-02-20T04:45:24+00:00

Keep showing that you love and care about him and try to get him to a professional as well. As therapy can be quite expensive and I assume you are in a bit in a tight spot for money you should try to spend a couple hours doing things with him. One thing I would try to do is take him to the movies or take him somewhere public so that he can see that there are things worth living for. My brother attempted to kill himself and ever since we have been spending a lot more time with him and show that we care and it seems to have worked as hes doing a lot better

Funkydirigidoo · 2020-02-20T04:47:19+00:00

Just talk to him. Don't be afraid to discuss his thoughts of suicide. Many people who hear their loved ones talk of suicide tend to dismiss such talk and want to avoid such talk. That's not a good thing.

This organization may be helpful to you: https://www.samaritans.org/

Fromstatepharm · 2020-02-20T06:47:23+00:00

Heybuddyyyyyy · 2020-02-20T10:04:19+00:00

What sleeping pills is he taking? It could be causing him depression...circumstances can cause sadness but his condition may be due to systemic inflammation caused by long term high stress. Have him try NAC at 1800 mg(now brand) dose each day for a few weeks and see how he feels..sleeping pills.. especially prescriptions can cause mood problems. Once he gets out of the funk, his thinking will change and he won't feel like such a burden and will see hope. I hope this helps.

jrterry1969 · 2020-02-20T12:42:08+00:00

I agree with much of the advice here but ina t to add one perspective that maybe you can share with him.

My brother committed suicide because he thought he was a burden on everyone and everyone would be so much better off without him.

Not so. It’s in incomprehensible amount of pain he is contemplating inflicting on you. 15 years after my brothers rest it still burns me.

DiskKiller2 · 2020-02-20T12:44:54+00:00

You mention that you’re trying to get him to read Red Pill Literature etc. You might be making things worse with your improvement campaigns. It seems that he feels like a failure to the world and now, failure to you too, despite having raised you well etc. Tell him you love him and that he’s important to you. My dad wasn’t perfect but now that he’s gone, I’d give anything to spend time with him.

ofthewhite · 2020-02-20T13:15:27+00:00

Tell him that you won't get his 401k if he kills himself. And that dealing with his suicide is even more of a burden.

RPthrowaway123 · 2020-02-20T13:59:58+00:00

He needs to know that you love him and care about him. He's your dad. You only get one dad in life.

Make sure he knows that. He's not a burden, he's your dad and you love him.

JohnnyOmm · 2020-02-20T14:12:15+00:00

I know this isn't the sub for it. But if he's going through serious depression I recommended you she'll out like 300$ and start him on a microdosing of psylocibin mushroom as a last resort thing. I wish I did this with my grandma before she died. Check out /microdosing subreddit for more info. You basically buy mushroom in bulk for couple hundred. Grind them down to stuff them in pill capsules you get off Amazon and consume about 100-200 mg per capsule a day for a few weeks. Normally ppl with heavy anxiety/depression do 5 days on and 2 rest days . It will help get him out that state as an additive to you pushing him to experience life with you

Stupyyy · 2020-02-20T14:28:54+00:00

Tell him to stop being a lil bitch and go beast mode together with you. Reinvent your lives. Death is not the answer. Wish you all and your pop the best.

2020-02-20T15:12:04+00:00

This is what happens when you're stuck in the blue pill matrix for such a long fucking time. My condolensces to your dad, but fuck man, if anyone else is reading this could be you in the future if you don't pick up the Red Pill.

Your dad has a lived a life of beta provider and has rarely done anything selfish to improve himself. This is extremely dangerous because it's not a survival trait, it's a provider trait. An alpha will do selfish things to improve his situation.

Regardless, call whatever hotline is necessary. This is an emergency.

I wish you good luck with your dad.

MisterRoid · 2020-02-20T15:14:46+00:00

Tell him to get his testosterone checked. It's possible his problem is primarily hormonal and then actual medication is necessary. By the sound of his stressful lifestyle that's very likely, and I assume he's 40+ too.

JustSatan · 2020-02-20T15:35:43+00:00

Maybe have him look in to TRT.

kuchbhifeko · 2020-02-20T15:59:09+00:00

Maybe guide him towards the spiritual aspect of life,is there any philosophy he enjoys or might enjoy?

MarkSentinel · 2020-02-20T16:02:53+00:00

I'm really surprised more people have not mentioned diet and exercise. You live with him, so these may be more within your control/influence than his feelings and emotions.

As with most human conditions, the benefit of diet and exercise is many times the most effective treatment (and sometimes the only effective treatment).

In your case, I would argue exercise is more important than diet, because it forces him to "do something." Acta non verba

Even if it's as simple as, "Dad, I really enjoy our time together doing something out of the house, can we go for a walk?"

Not to compare your father to a dog, but have you ever seen what happens to a highly energetic breed that is forced into a sedentary lifestyle? They quite literally go crazy.

Herdsengineers · 2020-02-20T16:25:30+00:00

Call authorities, report that he made a suicide threat and you believe he's serious. It's something you're not likely experienced enough to deal with.

Beyond that, simply reiterate to him that there's no amount of money or whatever that has the same value to you as him. You're mom abandoned you, tell him he better not check out on you as well.

Maybe ask him or tell him "do you want to sit here and feel bad for yourself, or do you want to come to the gym with me? if you sit here and feel bad, you guarantee a few hours where you won't feel good. if you come with me, there's a chance to feel better. once out, go lift, then hit a smoothy place or something on the way home. start with small stuff to get him to get off his duff.

Rememberthecodex · 2020-02-20T16:55:48+00:00

Your father needs a purpose, he is seeing that you have grown up and he is thinking that his purpose is now only economic.

He must change his job, he must devote himself to something he likes, something he can realize.

If he can't leave his job, he needs to do something in his spare time to improve himself.

Clearly he is no longer a young person, so I am not insinuating that he should start university or college, but maybe devote himself to a craft of some kind or reinitiate a sport in which he excelled as a young man (maybe take a professional class of some kind, i don't know what kind of courses you have where you live).

TRP is always valid, many people tend to forget it (and many people only use it superficially to fuck, where that is the most superficial thing you can get).

He is no different from the average boy who feels strangled by society, he has only fewer possibilities but for this you must not be sorry about him, but only encourage him.

For example, my father had difficult moments. Now he vents with his bicycle, when he has holidays, he leaves for one week and spends 10 hours on a bicycle a day, he set a point and he goes there alone.

You father needs to find his bicycle.

vondoom900 · 2020-02-20T19:02:49+00:00

Explain to him you wouldn't have shit if it wasn't for him. Give him the perspective. Then introduce him to goggins.

2020-02-20T20:17:07+00:00

[deleted]

thetotalpackage7 · 2020-02-20T20:48:39+00:00

Can you develop a routine that might help both of you? Maybe every night you go for a walk together and talk about your days. Maybe come back and do a few sit ups and push ups then make a dinner together.

flatox · 2020-02-20T21:51:22+00:00

I don't know if you can call a suicide hotline in your situation but i would try that and ask them what to do, because i have no fucking idea.

LazerSpin · 2020-02-20T21:59:09+00:00

Bro it's nice that you felt safe enough to come to us (internet strangers) for help, but TRP is absolutely NOT EQUIPPED to help you with this situation. Please seek out advice from a professional. Even if it costs you money! Spend whatever you need and treat what you dad said as ABSOLUTELY SERIOUS.

He obviously feels comfortable enough to say something so intimate to you. Keep spending time with him. Keep asking him to do things for you or the household. Don't ever let him feel like everything is wrapped up "nicely" or that things are done. Contact a counselor or mental health professional ASAP.

SoulRedemption · 2020-02-20T23:18:06+00:00

Do you know if he has any close friends, and if he does, who they are?

Someone at his level need to intervene but someone whonhe places his trust on.

Casd12 · 2020-02-21T01:53:46+00:00

Tell your dad to read about absurdism by Albert camus

dubnation925 · 2020-03-04T18:51:33+00:00

Hey man, not too sure if you're still around.. wanted to chime in.

My father killed himself 3 years ago. I was 21 years old.

I will tell you this from experience, you cannot control your father's decisions, you can only let him truly understand the effect and impact it will have on yourself and your loved ones.

My father's suicide is something I will have to deal with the rest of my life. I think about it every single day all throughout the day.

My word of advice is this, keep in constant contact with him.. you do not want to lose him and have to live with knowing you could have done more. Show him you love him, validate that he still has a purpose.

If you want to talk at all, please feel free to PM me.

Good luck brother.

Ash_thearcher · 2020-02-20T09:04:01+00:00

Tell him or explain to him these things:

(Depending on his personality, either in a kind way (kinder than my words) or in a blunt way, like I am about to do).

Tell him he needs to man up, be your father and not kill himself. When he signed up to have children, killing himself was taken off the table. It’s no longer an option. If he wanted to kill himself, he shouldn’t have had kids. You are his responsibility, and he needs to man up, step up and LIVE for YOU. He needs to live for you. It’s easy to die, you just fucking die. But it is hard to live, it is very, very hard to live.

He needs to know that he’s not doing you any favors. The way you explained his rationalization, he is totally delusional. He doesn’t realize that killing himself will at worst ruin your life and at best it will permanently scar you for life. He needs to realize that killing himself is the most utterly selfish act he could possibly do on this earth, and if he really, truly hates you, if he really wants to ruin your life, then he should go and kill himself because it will ruin your life. But if he loves you, he needs to live. Don’t back down. You’ll never forgive him if he kills himself.

“So, what am I supposed to do, son?” Well dad, what you need to do, what we need to do, is be fucking relentless. Whatever it takes. Checking into a hospital, going to therapy, taking magic mushrooms, signing up at John Hopkins university for a trial in magic mushrooms for treating depression, flying to fucking Sweden and meeting with a doctor who will legally help you through your magic mushroom trip, trying Neurofeedback therapy, etc etc. What ever it takes.

Good luck man, stay strong.

Fatmanbruh · 2020-02-20T04:56:34+00:00

You never want to be the one to call but the police can force him to get medical attention for his depression. If you call and say your dad said he wants to off himself he is a danger to himself and they can get him the help he needs.

krusecontrol91 · 2020-02-20T07:37:04+00:00

Move to Thailand. I hear livings cheap and easy cheap women aplenty. Bon voyage gents

AceMav21 · 2020-02-20T15:23:09+00:00

Meh my dad always talks about killing himself. I just tell him to do it. Then again I wouldn’t benefit by him killing him self. He has no assets, nothing for me to inherit, not even a car. So you’re in a better situation if your dad is actually suicidal.

thehedonistvagabond · 2020-02-20T05:06:52+00:00

See a professional immediately. Also, he TRT might help him, as in testosterone replacement therapy

frognads · 2020-02-20T10:46:08+00:00

Get his ass to Brazil for some good hookers.

aynullwithyourmom · 2020-02-20T04:17:20+00:00

Sorry bro, law 10 knows no bounds and it seems like your dad is right in a way. It’s your choice if you want to be dragged down or try to save him

Title	Dad is threatening to kill himself, need help
Author	jbobon
Upvotes	175
Comments	81
Date	February 20, 2020 3:10 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/f6mkf0/dad_is_threatening_to_kill_himself_need_help/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/dad-is-threatening-to-kill-himself-need-help.338717 https://theredarchive.com/post/338717

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