Throwaway account.

I'm not exactly sure what I want to get out of this post. Perhaps just to vent a bit. Maybe someone in this community has a similar experience and could comment on what's going on.

Overall, I'm just not happy with where I am in the game, even though most people perceive me to be some 'player' type. This is ultimately what I aspire to be -- someone who has (good) options, someone whom girls want to be associated with, someone who doesn't suffer from a lack of available women. However, ever since I could remember, I have not been getting the quality (read: physical quality) of women that I have wanted.

About me:

I'm 26. In a transitional period between my PhD (defending in a month) and my corporate job waiting for me on the other side. The PhD is in STEM from a very prestigious university (top 15 in US), the job is 100k salary and has very good upside. My undergrad (where I graduated summa cum laude, with academic scholarship) was from the top institution in my home country. Academically and career prospect-wise, I am top notch. Yes, 26 is young to be this far along.

That's not all, however. I'm 6'0 and fit. Not shredded, but I look like I am in shape, and am definitely a big strong dude. I weigh about 210 lbs, would put myself at around 15%BF. I deadlift and squat 2x my weight and can bench slightly above my weight. 1000 club for a while now. I'm physically dominant and intimidating. Like a bear.

That's not all. I'm also good looking. This is all subjective, but I can't help but incorporate the comments I get into this perception. Green eyes and dark hair. Olive skin. My background is Eastern European. I used to be self-conscious about some physical things but realize now that I was dealt a very good genetic hand.

Not done yet. I speak several languages, have loads of interests outside of grad school (music, nutrition, philosophy, team sports), would consider my personality very polarizing: either you love me or you hate me. A lot of people in my life love me, even if I may forget it once in a while, and I know it. I'll be my best friend's best man at his wedding this summer.

Not done yet. I am a natural leader. I've been part of student government for a few years now (since u-grad), started a successful business in u-grad that helped me sustain myself financially for over 7 years. I've been the team captain, the VP, the Prez, and everything in between.

Yet despite all of this, I am still frustrated. Part of me feels like I have no reason to be. There's so many people that don't have what I have. Part of me feels like the fact that I am complaining means I am still a beta bitch inside. Another part of me feels like the level of achievement I've reached in the game is not as high as others perceive it to be, and for that reason I have not yet reached my potential. I've been with 16 girls to date, which is not a terrible number but nothing to be in awe of given my circumstances. Most have been 6-7s. No model-hot girls, which are really the only ones that I want. I had a GF last year, a medical student who I got along with very well, but she was a 7 at best. I ditched her because I knew I could get better in the long run if I played some more hands.

This past weekend, this chick (who was with my friend visiting from out of town, they used to date but only bang when he is in town) offered to give me her number and I reluctantly accepted (because I'm not sure if I would bang my friends' girl). When she was putting her name in my phone, she said out-loud "I should probably put my last name in your phone to not be confused with the other 'Mary's'". I laughed because little did she know, but I hadn't gotten laid in over 3 months. It left me so frustrated that girls THINK I get laid all the time, but I'm at home jerking off while they are banging.

My problems that I am aware of: (1) I'm impatient when it comes to this. I want results now now now. I tend to cut girls off very early if they start playing games, and get frustrated when I have to. I try not to invest time unless I know for sure she is interested.

(2) My ego. I am narcissistic, and love myself to the point where when things don't go well I turn on myself. Often times I dislike who I have become-- someone who may look successful on the outside but is really frustrated inside. Perhaps I overvalue myself as well, and I should reduce my expectations? Man that sounds so terrible. Why shouldn't I be able to get what I want…

(3) I have grown to dislike women to a certain point. I love them and hate them. I love them for the boners I get from them, their feminine energy, but ultimately I dislike them for what they put me through to get pussy. I am tired of having to sell myself over and over and over again. Just the process of selling myself makes me feel like I am telling them "please like me, please hang out with me". I don't want to have to sell.

(4) Approaches. I am not afraid to do them, but often get discouraged by getting too many "I have a boyfriend" responses. I only like to approach top 10% girls, and a lot of them are settled in relationships (especially since it is winter now). I probably do not get enough trials because Im often working long hours, and depend mostly on cold approaches and/or tinder to generate leads. Social circle girls aren't good-- no hotties in grad school nor do the guys have game (so they aren't rolling with the hotties either).

Any ideas about what I could be doing wrong? Comments are greatly appreciated guys, thanks.