Having a hard time being assertive with women, could behaving like an asshole help me?

Ohboohoolittlegirl · 2019-10-10T10:20:05+00:00

No.

Behave as a man who wants what he wants and doesn't want to compromise, sure. Be an asshole? No.

There is a difference and its hard for people who do not have the experience to see the difference. Putting yourself as #1. Great! Not giving a shit about others and shutting them down, being rude and insensitive, not so great.

We like to call it frame: it's a set of values, boundaries and general behaviour you want to show and be part of. Set your standards, decide on your values and act accordingly, unphased and unwilling to compromise and behave in that way, that's fine. Going out of your way to put others down, not wanting to do things cause of other people or simply being arrogant will not gain good results.

Frame is not: Let me be an arrogant asshole and people will like me.

Its: THis is how I want to live my life and how I want to behave at all times. Fuck anyone who thinks differently and wants me to behave different.

So anwering your question: No. Instead, develop yourself and focus on the points above and people will respect you.Except exes, who can't handle being said No to.

wanker7171 · 2019-10-10T10:36:05+00:00

No. There is being playful and being an asshole. There is a line. One will get you laid the other will not. One will have girls biting their lips and calling you an asshole the other will have girls throwing drinks in your face.

When niceguys say the "asshole always gets the girl" what they really mean is "The playful guys who don't take everything seriously get the girl." I'll give you an example of how people confuse being playful with being an asshole. I was talking to a cute coworker when another guy overheard me mention "friends" and said "Woah wait you have friends?" Now niceguys would think "God what an asshole" but in reality he's just playing around and having a laugh. Recognizing it as a joke I ran with it and said "Ya I have all ten seasons" being able to instigate with comments like that show that you're not scared of expressing yourself.

frognads · 2019-10-10T10:07:04+00:00

To a degree, nobody actually likes assholes if it's turned up too much though.

AlwaysimprovingMane · 2019-10-10T10:43:24+00:00

Women don't like assholes.

They like badasses, dude's who don't take shit, dude's who don't care. Badasses just happen to usually be assholes.

rizzyfromthe9 · 2019-10-10T12:18:26+00:00

I think you can try being an asshole at first and then keep toning it down until you’re just a man who knows what he wants

Everyone’s definition of an asshole is different to the capacity of how much of a dick they are

deathhandmachiavelli · 2019-10-10T11:46:32+00:00

Define being an asshole.

Being assertive, even aggressive, can have its benefits, but only when done during an appropriate time. I don't think it will work if you're forcing it.

The "angry phase" doesn't have any benefits in my view, if you skipped it, good for you.

Ultimately, your ability to successfully interact with people shouldn't be based on being an asshole.

Overall, would say NO.

Koshi_the_yoshi · 2019-10-10T12:08:54+00:00

Yes, but staying an asshole shouldn’t be your end goal.

Acting like an asshole can help you learn what exactly you’re capable of and what your limits are in a social setting. But it’s a defense mechanism. Use an asshole attitude to establish yourself and build some confidence, but don’t go overboard with it and don’t rely on it too heavily. No one really wants to be an asshole, just use it as a tool and you’ll be fine.

TheMistakesWeMake · 2019-10-10T13:54:56+00:00

You've got it all backwards. Being good/successful with women doesn't make you Red Pill. Being Red Pill however will likely make you good (or better) with women. Focus on yourself first... not these micro-interactions. Right now, they do not matter.

Who are you at your core? What are your values? How do you wish to present yourself to the world? What is your view of the world? Confidence and assertiveness will come in time. When you feel you are the man you want to be, then you will feel far more grounded and less focused on how to interact with random women.

MattyAnon · 2019-10-10T19:19:04+00:00

Could being more agressive towards women (nothing physically harmful, just an asshole) help me gain some insight to calibrate afterwards?

Yeah, probably.

You need to stand up to them.

thrwy75479 · 2019-10-10T10:15:41+00:00

Yes.

It's easier to go overboard, and come back down, than slowly take it up a notch to find the right balance point.

Also, it'll vary by context, and girl. You have to be more crude with hot girls because the attention they get overinflates their ego. And, with ugly girls, you should tone it down a bit because they're probably already insecure about how they look.

In terms of context, you can be more of a dick in a club or bar, while approaching in broad daylight in public means you have to soften it up a bit.

DuffBude · 2019-10-10T12:48:05+00:00

Read "I Feel Guilty When I Say No". It teaches you how to be assertive. As I understand it, assertiveness means communicating what you want, without feeling guilty about it. You can do this without being an asshole by respecting also other people's right to assertiveness.

For example, deciding where to eat for dinner.

The beta route would be saying "I'm fine with anywhere, you pick".

The assertive route would be saying "I want to eat at this restaurant". If she wants to eat somewhere else, you work out a compromise. E.g. either you get takeout from both places, or you agree to take turns choosing the restaurant.

The asshole route would be saying "I want to eat here, so we're eating here", disregarding her right to assertively choose where she wants to eat as well.

If the woman is the one being an asshole and deciding for you, then you have the right to put your foot down and insist on either a compromise, or just going and doing your own thing. Otherwise she will lose respect for you.

But the thing with men vs women is that women more often don't know what they want, so they will be okay with letting you make the decisions a lot of the time. It's also why you should have an opinion about where to eat, because otherwise it might not happen.

W_O_M_B_A_T · 2019-10-10T14:15:27+00:00

No More Mr Nice Guy.

oohaah123 · 2019-10-10T19:05:47+00:00

Don’t be an an asshole/ insult. Just have fun, be loose

Savior1666 · 2019-10-11T05:22:30+00:00

I'd reccomend lifting first.

one guy says No don't "be an asshole"

I disagree. A lot of times, "Asshole" to most people, is not doing what you don't want to do(when you want to do it). Which sounds like OP.

Even if you go overboard that's fine. but. . .remember you can only get away with things so far as how high your SMV is. So. . .

Get lifting.

MindlessCalendar · 2019-10-10T10:36:50+00:00

Being more assertive/agressive (in general, not just with women) doesn't mean you have to be an asshole.

Title	Having a hard time being assertive with women, could behaving like an asshole help me?
Author	Edzardd
Upvotes	18
Comments	36
Date	October 10, 2019 9:53 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/dfvpgk/having_a_hard_time_being_assertive_with_women/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/having-a-hard-time-being-assertive-with-women.289616 https://theredarchive.com/post/289616

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