We're both 25, my SMV is slightly higher than hers (I'm wealthier, in better shape, ahead in life). Been together for about 1.5 years. I enjoy this LTR but I've never been completely satisfied, due to very mixed flags.

I want her to be more submissive/affectionate, but I keep losing frame over negative events and red flags. Let me explain via examples:

Green flags:

  • She lives 45min away from me, comes over almost every weekend and spends the entire time with me.

  • Every time she comes over, we fuck at least once.

  • Usually nice companionship, she can be funny/entertaining/playful.

  • Sent me nudes a few times when I was away for work after I told her to do so.

  • Sometimes brings me gifts (e.g. homemade food).

  • Never demanded me to spend any money on her. In fact, we have always split everything 50/50.

  • We travelled together a few times, experience was generally nice.

  • She claims I'm her fourth sexual partner and first "real" boyfriend.

  • She desperately cried a few times when I was telling her about me moving to another country for a job, saying that she didn't want me to leave.

Sounds good, right? Well, sometimes she gets into either a very distant mood or feels like she's not attracted to me, and that drives me crazy.

Red flags/bad experiences:

  • Never added me on FB or any other social media. She claims she doesn't use her accounts.

  • I can't make her cum via penetration/oral. Only once or twice via fingering, when she was really turned on. She cums by frantically rubbing her clit while I fuck her.

  • She doesn't enjoy anything kinky. No anal, no sex toys, no excessively dominant sex. I tied her up a few times and she seemed to enjoy it, but recently I did it again and she was completely dry, claiming that she doesn't like being tied up. She enjoyed it in the past, so she must have lost attraction.

  • While she usually behaves well, she has some episodes where she acts really brattish or distant. She does something stupid/disrespectful, I call her out on it, and she either calls me a crybaby or doesn't care if I ignore her. She goes to sleep soundly after an argument, as if she didn't give a shit, while I turn in bed full of resentment. I break frame when this happens, I can't handle it. I try to ignore or make fun of her, but she never seems to break her frame.

  • I almost always initiate sex. Sometimes I initiate and she doesn't get wet, claiming that she's not in the mood. She looks completely disinterested during these times, and I viscerally feel like she doesn't feel any attraction. I told her about it once, and she just claimed to be tired. Again, this happens rarely, but it's really off-putting.

  • She's never obsessive. While this is mostly a good thing, I find it weird that she never had any episode of jealousy, frequent texting, or telling me how much she wants/loves me. I would expect that to happen from time to time in an LTR.

  • There's really no "progress" in the relationship. I would like her to get more affectionate over time, more kinky, more submissive. She did improve a bit since the beginning, but reached a plateau quite soon.

If I look at any of these two lists in isolation, it is easy to paint a picture of a great or terrible LTR. When I look at the lists together, I am just confused. Has she been playing me this whole time? Has she ever been primally attracted to me? Does she just see me as a provider, even though I don't give her a dime?

I would like to understand more - what do you think? I would also like to know how I can make this LTR more satisfactory for both of us.

I have a life outside of the LTR, apply light dread, and consistently lift and try to improve myself. What can I do to make her more submissive, more willing to try kinky stuff, less likely to act bratty?