How do I stop being an orbiter?

boy_named_su · 2018-09-04T19:46:05+00:00

I recently moved to a first world country for work

Good start!

I finally mustered the courage to ask her out

Good man. Courage is an essential trait

She said no, but we remained as friends

Bad idea, unless she's hooking you up with her female friends

I'm ugly

Get a hella body then. Better to be a butterface than nothing at all

But I still ask her out for drinks after work, 1 in 5 times she'll say yes

A good poker player knows when to fold

it's almost impossible for her to have any free time

Girls do almost nothing interesting. She has plenty of free time for Chad

I have no other 'friends' in this new country.

Get busy living. Hit the gym. Talk to people. Go to meetups. Chat up regular people (not just hot chicks, everyone) at bars

Chit-Chad · 2018-09-04T20:12:54+00:00

Hard next bud. First off, don't shit where you eat, don't try to date a colleague. Secondly, if she said no, keep your distance be an acquaintance and find more friends at the gym or some other hobby you enjoy. Keep work and personal life separate. Thirdly, get a throw away account. Chelsea FC sucks.

wobbleelbbow · 2018-09-04T19:48:00+00:00

Keep approaching. This is the only best way. Then again it's better sometimes to have a woman friend than no women at all. Do not fixate on the end result but the process itself.

fnordsnord · 2018-09-04T20:55:16+00:00

deleted ^{^{^What}} ^{^{^is}} ^{^{^this?}}

duhkimura · 2018-09-04T21:51:05+00:00

Ask if she has any single friends

walawalawa · 2018-09-04T23:14:21+00:00

But I still ask her out for drinks after work, 1 in 5 times she'll say yes.

A few things. Stop this nonsense now.

Get a life outside work.
Exercise
Start taking classes that girls take: yoga, pottery, dance classes, some foreign language
learn game: read the Mystery Method, then Krauser's DayGame Mastery
Ask out other girls---once. If they refuse don't pick it up again.
Orbiters stick around after rejection.

casemodz · 2018-09-04T20:06:02+00:00

Ignore her almost completely but don't be rude about it. Just act like she doesn't matter. Talk to other girls. She will get jealous. Decline any offers she gives you. She doesn't exist unless she's giving you pussy or head or has the chance of doing so.

LeftTwixOnly · 2018-09-06T03:56:49+00:00

Read the sidebar. Also, don't shit where you eat.

throwmeaway4300 · 2018-09-04T23:45:17+00:00

OP - A ship is safe in harbor, but that's not what ships are for.

I see you say you don't want to lift. From your comments, you don't seem to want to improve yourself. We both know that's not true and at the core of it I think you're too scared to put in the effort. You expressed a desire for some help and we are giving it to you - now is your chance to listen. It's actually rare to find a community of people - on reddit of all places - who is going to give it to you straight, unsolicited advice. You are not unique in your problems. Plenty of people are 'ugly' - usually because they simply are too lazy (or usually too scared) to put in the effort. Advice like "lift, buy clothes and most importantly move on" is common here.

Why?

Because it works.

When you eventually give in, because nothing else is working and you've finally grown tired of being miserable, I know without any doubt that you will wish you had started today.

Nobody here wants to see you fail, and we will root for you to succeed, but nobody here is going to throw you a pity party (that's what the rest of reddit does). I dare you to commit to going to the gym and giving an honest effort, 3 or 4 days a week for 3 weeks and then to tell me that your life hasn't improved.

Bluepilledbeta · 2018-09-04T19:42:11+00:00

Iron rule of tomassi #8 Always let a woman figure out why she wont fuck you, never do it for her also delete all contact with her and approach other women and read the sidebar

jamesbond8181 · 2018-09-04T20:48:35+00:00

You must have fucked up because the two of you hung out multiple times together but you never made a move, that showed that you’re not confident.

As such, she lost interest in you.

You had a good start, try to have that good start again!

boodie_1961 · 2018-09-04T20:51:52+00:00

Don't put yourself in a humiliating position, ever. Don't lose your temper, ever. Don't court colleagues, ever. As everyone says, improve yourself, for the sake of yourself, only. You have made some good moves; mind your career, ignore what others think. It's not easy but if you have good moral values (whatever these mean to YOU), live by meeting these high standards.

abudun79 · 2018-09-05T05:36:28+00:00

Whatever you do, it will end in that you stop spending time with her. But how?

I think some PUAs said that you should fuck 10 girls to get over a oneitis. Don't take that literally, but the principle should do for you. I think the safest way for you to get her off you mind is by spending more time with other friends and meeting other girls. Meet with different girls, just like you met with her. Even if they're not interested going out, it should be a step into the right direction... think of it as the poor man's plate spinning and use it as a practice. Of course do it while working on you overall attractiveness.

And be prepared if she tries to shame you for abandoning her or something similar. Just don't react to it, there's nothing you could win.

ricoue · 2018-09-05T07:07:23+00:00

Just leave.

boodie_1961 · 2018-09-05T07:45:12+00:00

Good. Love comes (eventually) only AFTER sex, not before. Don't invest emotionally in a girl that is NOT sleeping with you, it's a waste of your precious self-esteem and energy. Even if you're sleeping with a girl, make sure that she's investing in you as much as you are investing in her, otherwise you'll be dumped soon or exploited or worse.

Title	How do I stop being an orbiter?
Author	awgnnerd
Upvotes	6
Comments	41
Date	September 4, 2018 7:11 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/9cyqai/how_do_i_stop_being_an_orbiter/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/how-do-i-stop-being-an-orbiter.132068 https://theredarchive.com/post/132068

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