How Do You Maintain Attraction in an LTR?

MattyAnon · 2018-07-23T10:30:10+00:00

Is dread the only way?

Yes. Should flow naturally from always having an eye on the door, always being prepared to walk away, and never "trying to make it work" and never "investing in the relationship".

All your bullet points are spot on, OP.

Any advice from somebody who manages relationships like this would be much appreciated

I do this, and it works great. I keep my FWB's around for years, I don't get dumped.

Also: ultra non-needy and indifferent, but also passionate, hard working on my self and career. Drama or bullshit = soft next. Anything that isn't a soft next is ignored. I do the thing that's most enjoyable - if that's not her company I do something else. If she's late I go do something else, don't tell her anything. No whining. Save complaints for next time (eg "last time you were late, so text me when you get here this time"). Her behaviour has consequences, but doesn't result in me complaining whining or showing any other emotion or weakness. Accept her as she is, work with her as she is - for better and worse.

And not being exclusive. Ever.

Herdsengineers · 2018-07-23T14:33:29+00:00

A few key points to maintaining attractive - it's summed by saying to maintain attraction, BE ATTRACTIVE. That means:

-Keep lifting and eating a good diet. Don't let yourself go. Don't let yourself get sucked into sacrificing gym time to be with her.

-Lead the relationship. But don't lead from a stand point of tyrannical power. Lead from a position of authority established through competence. In other words, have your shit together and make good leadership decisions. Let her see a man whose decisions will result in her betterment if she follows his leadership.

-Don't get clingy. Go do your own thing sometimes, and she should too.

-Don't tolerate disrespect. If she disrespects you, she loses your attention. No need to yell, cuss, etc. or get into other angry drama. Just a simple "I don't tolerate that kind of disrespect" and walk out. Deny her your presence and attention. And don't go somewhere and sulk. Go somewhere and do something productive for yourself.

-Always be building your value. Let her see it. Let her see that your are a man pursuing your mission and goals. Let her see she is not the mission and goal. Let her see that she can choose to come with you in that pursuit, but she will never take over the lead or redirect what you pursue.

-Let her know you expect her to work to build the best version of herself she can be. You are the prize and you are worth her efforts to be her best. If she isn't willing to do it, go find a woman that will. Make sure, in a polite and nice way, that she understands this.

-If it's ever clear or even questionable that she doesn't fit into the above model, don't be afraid to next her. There are hordes of women out there that want a man that operates exactly as outlined above. She will know this better than any man, and she will know that she's easily replaceable if she isn't willing to operate in the model above with you.

Never be afraid to lose her. Never be afraid to next her. She should never become a big enough part of your life that losing her destroys your life. She's part of your life, not your entire life. Keep it that way. Amazingly enough, what I've observed is that no woman worth having will ever want to be your whole life either.

Women want to come along and serve your mission with you, not be the mission. As long as you maintain this dynamic in the LTR, and progress is being made towards meeting goals and mission and she is part of serving all that with you, her pussy will stay hungry for your cock. Keep in mind, though, this is hard to maintain over a lifetime simply because it's hard for you to maintain all this yourself, all the time. There are always setbacks, difficulties, as well as just plain getting worn out and needing a rest. Expect difficulties with her during these periods, and have your own composure developed to handle her outbursts when they happen.

TheDisillusionist · 2018-07-23T10:44:52+00:00

Along with the other advice you see I will caution you to expect and deal with the 60-90 day crunch. What that is is that the end of the infatuation stage will be marked by her starting some shit that will be very stupid. The prior relationship is over at that point. All the starry eyed new pussy experience shit is gone and it's just a lever to move you with bullshit.

The worst thing you can do is appease her. It will be that kind of thing. "You did/didn't do X and I'm Y".

Do not explain, do not try to fix it, do not be understanding. Do not kid yourself. The old magic is over.

You bluntly and clearly say you arent entertaining childish bullshit and withdraw. If she stays you can settle in for the long war.

This is the foundation of everything else. Fuck this up and she marks you as a bitch that can be moved and it will never fuckin end.

From there you do this other shit like lift, own your mission, lead, all that shit.

wobbleelbbow · 2018-07-23T18:55:46+00:00

Date other women. It's the only way to keep a woman in check. As absurd as it sounds. Women do not think in logic. They think in "other girls want him, so I will want him too".

BusterVadge · 2018-07-23T18:57:51+00:00

You can do all of that and STILL fail to maintain attraction over a long period of time. My last LTR was almost 4 years and it was all good until maybe the last 6 months.

The sex went downhill (despite plenty of dread). Looking back, I did everything right in terms of being manly. The relationship had simply run it's course. Things got too routine, I wasn't willing to get remarried or have another kid which is what she wanted long term

At some point every woman is looking for her blue pill to raise a kid and/or provide security.

There are several reasons why she is not yours, it is just your turn. Don't try to hold on longer than you should. That was my mistake. Enjoy your turn while it lasts, then on to the next adventure.

FightForYourWay · 2018-07-27T01:01:56+00:00

She’ll never leave you as long as she’s more emotionally invested then you are. Women only leave when they know it will hurt, if they think you’ll benefit from them leaving (you show abundance, etc.) they’ll stay joined at your hip.

909throwaway100 · 2018-07-23T08:56:12+00:00

Treating her like a child basically, fostering a father daughter relationship and remember to DARE never DEER.

cptgoatsack · 2018-07-23T17:32:46+00:00

Fuck her like she's never been fucked before.

jacques_cousteau007 · 2018-07-23T08:43:01+00:00

Include her in your mission.

Check to see if she is first mate material, to your captain.

Most women will fail during this stage.

Rinse, repeat.

casemodz · 2018-07-23T10:35:40+00:00

Don't see each other too often

freew33zy · 2018-07-23T20:07:03+00:00

Personally, I've kept attraction high by just openly fucking other girls.

Granted, I had a high hand to begin with--began as a plate I slowly upgraded over many months. To get me to upgrade her, she had to compromise a little. But she's a great LTR.

I break other rules of TRP to accomplish what I do. I see her more often than twice a week--usually like 5 times. She's good company, so it works. I also text her a lot more than would be recommended here--but still, it's not a task, it's fun.

So, been with her about a year and a half. HB8. Smashed 5 other girls the last year or so. Sex regularly and on-demand, will indulge any fantasy, will do threesomes (done 1), no complaints.

Key is fuck other girls (high alpha), hold frame (high alpha), give her lots of attention (high beta). Not a bulletproof plan, but it works very, very well for me.

Title	How Do You Maintain Attraction in an LTR?
Author	cyanidez
Upvotes	46
Comments	30
Date	July 23, 2018 8:36 AM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/915cwu/how_do_you_maintain_attraction_in_an_ltr/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/how-do-you-maintain-attraction-in-an-ltr.840 https://theredarchive.com/post/840

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