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How does one balance "always be escalating" with being less invested or caring less than she does?

AllOrDeath
March 30, 2015
13 upvotes
/r/askTRP
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Post Information
Title How does one balance "always be escalating" with being less invested or caring less than she does?
Author

AllOrDeath
Upvotes 13
Comments 32
Date March 30, 2015 11:20 PM UTC
(11 years ago)
Subreddit Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/30v4j5/how_does_one_balance_always_be_escalating_with/
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/how-does-one-balance-always-be-escalating-with.147482
https://theredarchive.com/post/147482
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Comments

[–]Endorsed Contributorvandaalen11 points12 points13 points 11 years ago (14 children) | Copy Link

As long as your investment is solely sexual there is no problem at all.

[–]AllOrDeath[S] -4 points-3 points-2 points 11 years ago (13 children) | Copy Link

That's fucked up in a way.

[–]mtjay 7 points8 points9 points 11 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

It's the natural way of things.

[+]AllOrDeath[S] -7 points-6 points-5 points 11 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

Many would say so.

[–]RedditArgument1 point2 points3 points 11 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link

And nature would agree with them. If shes the mother of your child naturally nature demands investment for the wellbeing of your shared offspring, but this is probably not your case. Hence why so many here preach plate theory and the importance of abundance.

That said there's nothing wrong with some investment. We're not wild animals, as animalistic as our nature is and will always be. If you're in an LTR it's up to your judgement to take and give in regards to that theoretical line of investment.

[–]FrameWalker3 points4 points5 points 11 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link

According to what standard? She's not your mother, child, best friend, or friend. She's your sexual partner. If she's your wife, ltr, plate, or ons you have a sexual relationship.

Muddying intentions is weird

[–]AllOrDeath[S] -5 points-4 points-3 points 11 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link

According to my own.

What's wrong with pursuing someone as both a potential friend and a potential lover?

[–]fourbet 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

If you believe unrelated women and men can be platonic friends outside of work acquaintances and your male friends' girlfriends who you do couples' stuff with than this sub probably isn't for you.

[–]Matsew -1 points0 points1 point 11 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

everything

[–]AllOrDeath[S] 1 point2 points3 points 11 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

O wow, your conciseness really persuaded me.

[–]Matsew 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

I don't care to persuade you. You don't seem to be interested in that either. You sound a bit... bitchy to be honest

[–]AllOrDeath[S] 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

kk

[–]InflatableRaft0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Welcome to the game.

[–]steelsoldat0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Welcome to trp

[–]karmasutur31 point 11 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

Wrong.

[–]machimus3 points4 points5 points 11 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link

"Escalating" in this case means physically escalating. You should separate this from emotionally escalating and be in control of your emotions.

If you do, the idea is to keep your emotional level less than hers. This does not necessarily mean you don't care at all.

[–]AllOrDeath[S] 1 point2 points3 points 11 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link

It's a weird idea. Seems like I'm an emotional subservient.

[–]despoticVeracity2 points3 points4 points 11 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link

It's a tactic for keeping the relationship healthy.

Think of it this way: when you first start going out with someone, you're really into them, trying to please them however possible. (Don't fuckin' lie.)

Once you have her locked down and in love with you, you start slipping. Less romantic dates, etc. Doesn't matter if you fart in front of her; she's already with you. You get complacent. Things suffer.

Alternatively, you go way overboard with her and devote yourself. She, on the other hand, isn't that into you. So you're picking out baby names and she's considering how to break up.

Being slightly less committed to the relationship than her solves these issues. You keep the impression that she likes you more than you like her. She is thus constantly in that butterflies-in-stomach, blushing-whenever-he-looks-at-me mode. We call this 'tingles'. This means she works harder to please you AND finds it more exciting herself. Sure, don't be completely emotionally cold. But don't give the impression that you're 'won'.

Worst case scenario and you drift apart, you stay one step ahead and don't end up with oneitis and an emotional wreck.

[–]AllOrDeath[S] 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

So she gains constant butterflies and I gain a degree of protection against oneitis. Seems like it's a better deal for her than for me.

[–]despoticVeracity1 point2 points3 points 11 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

When she has constant butterflies, it shows in her behaviour to you. She'll want to please you and show her dedication, while avoiding those undesirable habits normally reserved for loveless marriages

Having a chick infatuated with you is a benefit to both of you in different ways.

[–]AllOrDeath[S] 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

Without being emotionally invested myself, I might as well pay for that no?

[–]despoticVeracity1 point2 points3 points 11 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

You misunderstand. It's not "don't be emotionally invested", it's "be less invested than her".

You can enjoy having a plate/FWB/gf/wife without going full oneitis and without thinking of her as no better than a prostitute.

[–]AllOrDeath[S] 1 point2 points3 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Yea, you're right. I got it confused.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points5 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Only escalate with your hands only

You: I want to take this slowly. (As you unbutton her shirt)

[–]2redbluepilling0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago* (5 children) | Copy Link

Being less invested / caring less is an underlying mentality to hold, not necessarily something you do.

Also, this doesn't mean there is a lack of interest on your part. Ideally, you'll both be into each other, but, as a RP man, you grant yourself the freedom to walk away if necessary because you have ability and options.

If you're mixing the concept of 'push-pull' action with the action of escalation, realize that the 'push' works because she's able to sense the discrepancy in investment. This makes it a genuine threat, and that stimulates an emotional response. Then, working off that heightened emotion, the 'pull' allows further meaningful escalation. So in the bigger picture, although you may temporarily pull away, you're not off track.

As things escalate / they become more intimate, don't forget to allow yourself to invest/care more...or perhaps the best word, desire her. New guys are hesitant to let themselves feel passion and remain cold, in fear of being overly invested. But, remember, escalation should mutually increase the feeling between you. Yet, seated within you, you still have the ability to walk away and be in control of your emotions as you see fit.

[–]AllOrDeath[S] 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

Being less invested / caring less is an underlying mentality to hold, not necessarily something you do.

When phrased like this it seems you are always matching the other person rather than allowing yourself to be you or choosing who you are totally.

Ideally, you'll both be into each other, but, as a RP man, you grant yourself the freedom to walk away if necessary because you have ability and options.

Yes, but one should have that always and the ability to walk away doesn't mean you care less. You can care more and be perfectly willing to walk away. Finally, it doesn't necessarily mean one will give off all those subtle alpha cues which are vital for attraction.

If you're mixing the concept of 'push-pull' action with the action of escalation, realize that the 'push' works because she's able to sense the discrepancy in investment. This makes it a genuine threat, and that stimulates an emotional response. Then, working off that heightened emotion, the 'pull' allows further meaningful escalation. So in the bigger picture, although you may temporarily pull away, you're not off track.

Yes, but these are actions and choices not a mindset. Do you agree?

As things escalate / they become more intimate, don't forget to allow yourself to invest/care more...or perhaps the best word, desire her. New guys are hesitant to let themselves feel passion and remain cold, in fear of being overly invested. But, remember, escalation should mutually increase the feeling between you. Yet, seated within you, you still have the ability to walk away and be in control of your emotions as you see fit.

Makes sense, but I'm the hugest incel in the world so I'm never in the "become more intimate" phase.

[–]2redbluepilling0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

Yes, but one should have that always and the ability to walk away doesn't mean you care less.

Your statement essentially covers what I said here:

Being less invested / caring less is an underlying mentality to hold, not necessarily something you do.

What you said is what I was touching upon.

Yes, but one should have that always and the ability to walk away doesn't mean you care less. You can care more and be perfectly willing to walk away. Finally, it doesn't necessarily mean one will give off all those subtle alpha cues which are vital for attraction.

I was going to add an additional phrase but didn't want to overcomplicate it. You want to have the ability to walk away and be in control of your emotions. That means walking away isn't a snap decision when negative things build and build, you endure not the best behavior from her, until it reaches a breaking point. It should be far more controlled. The decision to leave should be made calmly.

Yes, but these are actions and choices not a mindset. Do you agree?

That's what I intended. I wanted to flesh out the larger mindset first and then talk about the tangible actions.

Makes sense, but I'm the hugest incel in the world so I'm never in the "become more intimate" phase.

"Become more intimate" is referring to any increase in intimacy, no matter how small. Your investment though is increased accordingly to that size.

Finally, if you're the hugest incel in the world, the theoretical concepts aren't going to do you any good. You need to see it for yourself. Enjoy the experience. Everything I've said is generalized from my own experiences. Stop worrying about this and see what happens if you invest too much while escalating, or too little, or fail to escalate, etc. Part of learning is calibrating, and it's okay to 'misstep' along the way.

[–]AllOrDeath[S] 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

I understand what you are saying now.

I've literally tried to ask out 100s of girls and got rejected by all of them, but 1 (it doesn't even really count for reasons I won't get into) so it doesn't seem practice is helping me much.

[–]2redbluepilling0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

tried to ask out 100s of girls

Just by the way you phrased it, it doesn't sound like you've fostered interactions. Practice doesn't help if you keep doing the wrong thing and don't learn and change from error.

Your mindset doesn't seem right. I can't tell you the last time I've asked a girl out. The escalation is smooth. If you meet a girl, you hit it off then and there and escalate. If you can't because of constraints, you tell her what you want to do 'lets get drinks', not asking and hoping. There should be little worry, meeting again is a natural continuation of your first interaction, so of course she'd want to meet you again.

Worry less about trying to see them again and just enjoy the moment when you meet. Get to know them, show a genuine interest, and remain connected to the fact you're interested in them sexually. When you do this, the opportunity to take things further naturally presents itself.

[–]AllOrDeath[S] 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link

Yea, I've been shifting to that sort of mindset, but doesn't really seem to work. I've always thought, after my immature high school years, meeting again was the natural continuation, but girls don't seem interested in continuing anything from their evasive texts or out right ignoring me.

[–]favours_of_the_moon0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

This is a big thing to me.

To some degree, I think it's a matter of personal style, but where I'm at right now, I prefer to let a woman come to me to some degree.

The important thing is not to be a simp. If you show interest, it should be based "escalation," not platonic declarations of love.

[–]rphtm0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Just do it physically. Don't talk about it or say you want something from them. Seriously, it's almost like magic, it will work on its own and change their mind for you without you having to emotionally or verbally indicate investment.

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