How to break up with GF?

CuntyMcFagNuts69 · 2016-08-22T07:12:15+00:00

I just left my LTR of 3 years. First, tears are expected from her, don't comfort her, let her cry. Don't beat around the bush.

I literally came home (she lived with me) and said "G, things aren't working out between us"

Hold frame, answer questions vaguely, closure is male hamstring, discuss logistics and move on

vorverk · 2016-08-22T12:44:00+00:00

we lost our virginities

Dude, get out of this relationship and get laid. Don't get in to another LTR after you get your number well in to double digits.

Apexk9 · 2016-08-22T07:14:49+00:00

"We're over"

It's done. Stop being a bitch.

"You'll always have a special place in my heart but there are to many differences so we're done"

"Cry if you want won't change anything".

If you Wan to be nice " I had a great x years but we both know we're not compatible you'll realize that when you find the right guy."

If you wanna drop the bomb.

"We can't fuck. And that be cool if you made it up to me when you suck cock like it's your job that's love. I want to party and fuck bitches. I gave you chances to come out with me but you don't like it so find someone who does. "

Sepean · 2016-08-22T08:35:03+00:00

We argue a lot over petty shit.

This is called not having frame and not being able to pass shit tests.

Even if sex did work... her drive is way less than mine. And her enthusiasm in the bedroom is a lot less than mine.

Your lack of frame, game and low SMV is the problem here, not her.

Your sex life is going to suck until you man up.

The above is mainly just useless info, a therapeutic activity. None of it is really that relevant.

It is relevant. How you break up with this girl is irrelevant. It will soon be in the past and if you speak 500 perfectly crafted words or text her 5 words will hardly matter. You're arguing over petty shit and having starfish sex, I'm sure she'll get over losing you.

What is relevant is that you are not able to turn your girlfriend on, and your lack of SMV won't be solved by breaking up with her. In your current state you're unlikely to be able to spin plates or attract a quality girl for your next LTR.

But logistically, like, how do I do it. What do I say? We don't live together, she lives an hour away from me, and she's the one with the car. I can't really tell her to drive here then break up with her. But if I tell her I'm about to bus out to her out of the blue she will know what's about to happen... which is paramount to breaking up over text.

This demonstates not only a total lack of frame, but also that you can't even manage a simplest logistical decision.

Shitlord_Stan · 2016-08-22T11:21:51+00:00

You're being a pushover. Start thinking about yourself. If she is unaware that this is coming and she isn't trying as hard as you to make the relationship work then you shouldn't feel bad about making a decision that's best for you (as difficult as it may be).

GreatWhiteCuck · 2016-08-22T13:03:50+00:00

I've never been with a chick who couldn't fuck normally. No way I would stick around for that shit either

RedPillAccount69 · 2016-08-22T16:15:18+00:00

Sexually she has a hard time having sex as it hurts her a lot of the time - this has been an issue for a long, long time and been something I've been strongly supportive of with her

It hurts her because you don't turn her on so she doesn't get wet enough.

You are just her beta bitch.

Get rid of her.

full_package · 2016-08-22T16:17:16+00:00

If you have anything valuable at her place grab it under some pretense. Don't worry about small stuff. Figure out logistics of returning her stuff beforehand.

Ideally do it at her place when you are alone. Or at least not at your place. Once you're done, you leave her with a bag of her shit from your place.

When the moment comes, the less you say the better. "We became less and less compatible." What you say is unimportant, be as vague as possible. Specifics will let her latch on to you by finding excuses and will make you an asshole or a hypocrite in the eyes of your common friends since you aren't perfect either. Let her hamster out reasons herself, it'll be better for both of you. Do not answer any questions. Be silent, vague, use generic terms. Do not blame her.

Then block her number, facebook, etc. Actively avoid all contact for a month or so. E.g. if you know she's going to an event, skip it. If you still have her junk literally mail it to her. Be prepared to be asshole to all her friends. Do not excuse yourself but do not talk shit about her either. "It didn't work out".

quicklogaccount · 2016-08-22T17:20:51+00:00

I've recently ended an engagement. It's good to see that you're trying to be civil. Please ignore people telling you to be a dick.

Solve material shit with some advance. Don't do it in the same week. After you break up what's left of hers with you should be yours, and vice versa.

The logistics goes by like this. For starters, you are supposed to be at her place or close to it, nor far. She should have someone to support her asap. Good friend, parents. It'll help her getting a grab of herself and avoiding tears. Tears will melt you into "trying again".

The second thing is the talk. Don't make it about topics or issues. If she cries you might be melted into fixing them. You'll probably think of ways to work out all your reasons if she cries a lot and begs. The important thing here is to give her CLOSURE. It means pointing her hamster towards "can't work out" because by default it'll run into "could work out".
A strong tool is addressing the lack of prospects of the relationship. Look, we had that talk back then and decided to try, but let's be honest, we've been stagnant for a year. We know what we had and we know love is not like this. We're not managing to progress together. ABSOLUTELY DON'T GO INTO THE "NOT GOOD ENOUGH" zone, the most beta guy WILL alpha widow a girl if her hamster goes that way.
You might talk to girls about it since they'll empathize with her feelings (don't go into your reasons with them). I did it. Most of them said "tell her what really bothers you even if it hurts her", which was bullshit. The smarter ones agreed on the "lack of prospects" thing, so this far I think that's the better path.
It's important to make it quick and as tight as possible, because she will most likely question any lose ends.
DON'T make "I won't be talking to you" part of this talk. This line causes a LOT of drama.

It doesn't matter that you want to ease her into the break up, I bet you'll go back if you keep in touch. No contact is non negotiable. If she contacts you, when she does, you tell her "Look, we already made the mistake of trying again and it caused us to lose a lot of time. We should give ourselves some space now ok?"

Another thing I advise, contrary to what most guys might tell you, is don't go on game straight away. A rejection might get to you, men in LTRs hardly have enough abundance mentality to even keep a proper LTR, let alone resist the temptation of getting validation in face of rejection. Give yourself a couple weeks to a month to have the feelings settled a little better and be in a better place to handle rejection. I broke up with her once because she fucked up and got me hurt, I didn't have my feelings in order that time. First thing I did was gaming a girl online, and I do it well. Turned out when the girl sent me a spontaneous picture, she was ugly and it played a role into me going back to my ex. For serious, monk a little before going back into game.

All that said, WHILE you do it, you WILL feel like you're doing the wrong thing. There is no way around it. Don't trust your guts. You have to be SURE about it. Cover the ends, cover the possibilities, because the rational certainty that you are taking the one hard decision that leads to the only path for you both will be your only friend. Your post is remarkably mature. Honestly I found it odd that you didn't bring some crap she did, and since you didn't (you think highly of her) that certainty that things won't work or that it definitely isn't worth trying to fix it is more important than ever. The second you begin the talk your feelings will betray you, the longer it goes, the worse it will be.

Well, it sux to do it. But bear in mind she's far from the wall, she's 20 and if you give her closure she'll most likely forget you faster than you'll forget her.

spootsnoopy · 2016-08-22T08:08:20+00:00

If you want out, get out. Do not think about feeling like a dick. You aren't .

If she wanted out she would drop you Instantly and not look back.

She is not that attracted to you either. You aren't Chad.

This will only get worse. She will either get fatter and try guilt you into staying or she will get fit and then drop you like you're nothing.

walawalawa · 2016-08-22T12:19:43+00:00

"This relationship isn't working for me. Thanks and good luck."

Leave. She'll get over it.

Girls have done this to me. I moved on. Privately I was gutted. Publicly I just said "Ok..."

She'll do one of two things. Shape up and come running back.

Or shape up and meet other dudes.

Either way you win.

McCoop_ · 2016-08-22T13:14:18+00:00

Number 8 is critical, there's no point being in a relationship with someone who has different values in life than you. Having different interests is not a problem, but when you want and value different things in life it is hard to be an effective team. The other aspect is physical attraction, there are going to be a number of girls with similar values as you, but if you aren't attracted to them you will find it difficult to hold a strong relationship.

jeezydasnowman · 2016-08-22T14:02:58+00:00

Sounds like you want a relationship with a man. Are you sure you like girls? Every relationship-minded girl is gonna be jealous when you're out... every girl is gonna shit test ... every girl is gonna fuck less after the honeymoon phase.

nastynickdr · 2016-08-22T16:17:47+00:00

I didnt read all your post, but what matters is this:

"I don't want to be in this relationship anymore."

So, man up and break up with her. You are free to make your choices, and you dont need to explain your choices to anyone.

"I understand that you will feel bad about this, but this just isnt working anymore. We are not compatible. I wish you the best of luck." Dont explain her that its beucase the sex is bad, or you dont have the same interests, or because you want to party, or because she doesnt do this, or that. This will just give her "leverage" to try to change your mind. "I love you so much! I will never do xxxx Again! I promise I will change!"

Drive to her place and then break up with her. STATE that you are breaking up, and leave her place. If she is the one going to your place, its gonna be worse, because you may have to "convince" her to leave your place and go home, shey may get really mad and upset, cry a lot, etc etc. (i´ve done this, and many guys here too).

LordShoan · 2016-08-22T07:25:37+00:00

You are not an asshole for wanting to breakup a relationship that you don't wish to be in.

You know what to do man. Find some distraction for the first weeks after the breakup and then work on yourself and chase new girls and before you know it, you forgot about her and are happier than ever.

Apexk9 · 2016-08-22T07:17:26+00:00

As to logistics.

Through text. From today forward you're doing what's best for you. You're #1. Your feelings come first.

So just text her it way easier.

CRAIBaby · 2016-08-22T12:37:00+00:00

As someone who also had a 3-4 year relationship my advice is to seriously think about which decision you want to take.

If you really want to break up. Just do it. There's nothing to it. Say how it is, break contact.

But, my advice is to you is to try to go inside and really think about if you want to lose what you have. I felt similar to you, we tend to not cherish the things we have and the grass is greener on the other side. And since breaking up, I did have a great time, ive banged lots of hot chicks and am generally living the life. But if Im fully honest, in hindsight I do regret losing my relationship.

Title	How to break up with GF?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	5
Comments	31
Date	August 22, 2016 7:04 AM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/4yzcft/how_to_break_up_with_gf/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/how-to-break-up-with-gf.184410 https://theredarchive.com/post/184410

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