If men are the gatekeepers of commitment, why does a breakup usually take a much bigger toll on the man than the woman?

RPSigmaStigma · 2014-12-26T06:15:34+00:00

Being the gatekeepers of commitment goes hand in hand with being the committed sex in general.

Women guard (gatekeep) their sex because it's valuable to them. Taking that by force, or devaluing it afterwords (i.e., pump-n-dump, etc) is one of the worst things that can happen to them.

Men guard their commitment for the same reason. Men treat a breakup in a similar way that a woman treats the pump-n-dump player. Men have the loyalty instinct. A man's love is sacrificial. Men are the romantic sex.

A woman's love is self-serving. She loves you because of the way you make her feel. If she's dumping you, it's because the feels are gone, and thus so is the love -- at least for her. However, if you dump her while she still has feels for you, that's when you get an alpha widow. But that's not usually how it goes. Usually, even if the man does the breaking up, it's probably long after she's already "checked out" of the relationship and the man was holding on too long anyway (again, because loyalty, commitment).

the_Milkweed · 2014-12-26T06:02:10+00:00

Because women have options no matter what happens to the relationship. Men realize they have to work for everything they had all over again.

There are a million reasons

RedHeimdall · 2014-12-26T06:14:30+00:00

She's always got dudes waiting in the wings... If no replacement relationship prospects, then at least beta orbiters ready to provide the shoulder she needs to cry on and to tell her how amazing she is and how she deserves so much better.

Polorutz · 2014-12-26T10:52:48+00:00

There was a post somewhere about the evolutionary psychology reasons behind this. It has a lot to do with Stockholm Syndrome.

Women in the past would try and snag Grarg the Alpha, society being a brutal thing would mean that more than likely Grarg would die in battle or hunting so Women had to be able to keep functioning after the alpha wasn't there anymore.

Moreover, she probably has to keep raising the kids after he's gone and the best way to do that is to reconnect to another Alpha (or Beta) and start a new relationship.

Then, it's also a survival mechanism, when a rival tribe would win the war they would normally kill or enslave all the men, women had to learn to create new bonds with the victors and to emotionally disconnect from the old partner in order to ensure survival. Stockholm Syndrome.

Abadalt · 2014-12-26T06:03:20+00:00

I think it may be because women always have options for more men offering time, while men don't usually have that lined up for them.

So, for the top 10% men this is never a problem and they move on quickly as well.

alpha_n3rd · 2014-12-26T12:14:13+00:00

Lack of abundance mentality

*I think lack of practice also plays into it. I'm going to extrapolate from my own experiences and guess that most guys who take a breakup hard probably haven't been through many breakups; haven't realized that AWALT.

ConfidenceMatters · 2014-12-26T16:24:20+00:00

Only men with scarcity mentality get hurt in breakups.

If you're a Man and charming, bouncing from a breakup can easily be done within the half-hour.

drqxx · 2014-12-26T17:58:34+00:00

BECAUSE:

You let it.

creatineboss · 2014-12-26T07:41:16+00:00

Women are in more natural abundance then men. In addition, I believe that because women are more in tune with their emotions and more used to dealing with them; they are able to overcome them much easier.

Title	If men are the gatekeepers of commitment, why does a breakup usually take a much bigger toll on the man than the woman?
Author	StarDestinyGuy
Upvotes	10
Comments	22
Date	December 26, 2014 5:28 AM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/2qf98u/if_men_are_the_gatekeepers_of_commitment_why_does/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/if-men-are-the-gatekeepers-of-commitment-why-does.144701 https://theredarchive.com/post/144701

Comments

BECAUSE: