Is this a shit test?

PemBayliss · 2016-05-06T15:10:37+00:00

Yes, it was a shit test, and yes, you failed.

First, if a wife says she's "had enough", that tends to mean she's thinking of divorce. Two thoughts about that: (1) if a woman is hinting around at divorce that she's "had enough", that's a sign that the marriage is done anyway. I don't see a lot of reason to work hard to save a marriage where a wife is openly talking about divorce. (2) a wife openly talking about or hinting that she wants a divorce should be confronted aggressively and decisively. If she wants a divorce, she should be encouraged to get the papers and get it handled.

I cannot stress this enough: You need to see a lawyer right away and figure out what your rights would be in the event your wife blows it all up. Any woman talking about having "had enough" is clearly considering divorce.

On the dishes front: Just don't do them anymore. Tell her something like this: "I don't want to do them." If she asks you to do them, say "No."

But first you need to get even more basic than that. You need to stop the covert contracts you have going on. You're conditioning your chores and doing shit around the house on whether you get sex or not. No no no. That's not how it's going to go.

You do shit around the house because it needs done and you want/need to do it, not because you expect a cookie for doing it.

You have sex because you want to have sex, not because you did some chores to "earn" it.

do more of what you're doing but dont' condition it on sex. I'd do the work/responsibilities you want, but it's not about doing all that to get her to fuck you.

You have sex because you're married and that's what married people are supposed to do. You do shit around the house because that's part of home ownership.

Archwinger · 2016-05-06T16:26:53+00:00

Your post checks all of the troll boxes.

"Life is really good now that I started trading chores for sex and stopped being an asshole! And now I'm communicating honestly and openly with my wife when she criticizes me. Please lambast me for doing so. I need some material to cross-post!"

Spaw-1-4-5 · 2016-05-06T17:39:58+00:00

So is there anyway to salvage this situation?

I want to go home and say this : "If you wanted the dishes put away a certain way then you should have gotten to it before me. You didn't ask me to do it. You didn't do it yourself. I did it. I'm going to the gym and we're having peirogi for dinner. I'll be home around 6:30"

ecosci · 2016-05-06T18:04:27+00:00

Look,she is screwing another guy or plan to she is complaining to justify her actions i can tell you are a cool guy but this dude is alpha and give her tingles just imagine this man does not do 1/4 of what you do i bet and he is or going to get kinky sex,doing chores is a joke you are getting reward sex at best.Get into some hobbies she may be leaving soon i hope not anyway but dont take her back.

qirueisi · 2016-05-06T15:06:21+00:00

The correct response is no response.

TheThingsIThink · 2016-05-06T17:35:44+00:00

Well, I'm fucking divorced to take my advise with a grain of salt.

It seems before that you were a shit husband because you were mean and distant. Now your a shit husband because you aren't the leader. You're henpecked
Don't engage in a fight over the dishes. the more you reason with her the more power you give her. The order in which the dishes are stacked are important. I'm not saying that if you can do it her way if you want to, but she doesn't get to call you out on it. I take it she texted you the message? Next time ignore shit like that
You knew how she wanted the dished done, your "Show me how you like it, TOGETHER!" ploy was just buying time and was a bitch move.
Your goddamn right you should being reading the kids stories. They're yours, yes? Make sure your daughters don't grow up to be whores and your sons don't grow up omegas

keepyourkeys · 2016-05-07T01:25:47+00:00

I would have completely ignored a message that says I didn't stack the plates in alternating colors. That's a bullshit emotional thing that doesn't matter at all, and it does not deserve a written response.

If she asked a 2nd time, I'd make her feel bad for wasting my time.

Colossus_of_Clout · 2016-05-06T14:54:49+00:00

Yes, you absolutely did.

Adderallabuse · 2016-05-06T16:39:56+00:00

You should quit the gym and do more work on the relationship. I know my abs intimidate my wife because all her friends flirt with me. Make sure you apologize several times for the dishes and remind her everytime you do any work in the house so she can approve both the task and you.

Title	Is this a shit test?
Author	Spaw-1-4-5
Upvotes	4
Comments	21
Date	May 6, 2016 2:48 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/4i5eit/is_this_a_shit_test/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/is-this-a-shit-test.105046 https://theredarchive.com/post/105046

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