LTR getting gifts from guys

The_1980s · 2016-07-20T04:35:49+00:00

My only issue would be with your girl accepting 'gifts.' If she's the type of person who would let a sad fucker buy her a $700 phone, sky diving tickets, etc. what do you really determine her character is in terms of being in a LTR situation with her? At least a whore has the decency to put out for their freebies.

spootsnoopy · 2016-07-20T02:22:27+00:00

He is trying to get her with beta provider game. He will lose. Encourage her to go. Treat it with a " why would I care" attitude. Use this as an opportunity to display alpha frame.

Be busy, and active with other girls. Don't ask about him, remember - you don't care. You are so unthreatened by him that it doesn't cross your mind

Entropy-7 · 2016-07-20T04:32:53+00:00

There are numerous threads where a gf/ltr proposes doing something with another guy that seems sort of fucked up. There are three pieces of advice that tend to surface:

Assert yourself and tell her why it is fucked up (which usually has something to do with disrespecting you or your relationship).
Act cool about it but if she makes the wrong choice then soft next.
Give her enough rope to hang herself and if she does then hard next her.

My tendency would be #3 but YMMV

niczar · 2016-07-20T05:41:43+00:00

I don't know how to handle this specifically, but to those who say that there's no threat because that's uber-beta ... it sure is, problem is there's such a thing as recopricity principle whereby we feel indebted to gift givers. Normally in dating that backfires because women are used to it and the cognitive dissonance is preemptively resolved by putting the chump in the losr category, but the fact that she feels bad for him is worrying.

I would probably try to reinforce the loser narrative, and help her preempt his pathetic attempts. "Sounds like he's trying to get into your pants ... what are you going to do if he tries to sneak in a kiss?"

Also the fact that she gets so much attention is kinda weird. At best these guys must be misinterpreting her hard, she's giving all the wrong signals ... at worst ...

Thewelshpill · 2016-07-20T10:19:38+00:00

i wish my LTR had a uber beta obiter i could palm her off on when i have more important shit to do

NumbersPrime · 2016-07-20T01:14:53+00:00

Absolutely let her go. What's the option? Don't let her go and reveal weakness..

VasiliyZaitzev · 2016-07-20T14:55:28+00:00

She "feels bad" for him and is asking me if I am ok with her going.

Y'know, back at uni, my gf had some loser friends who she liked for reasons dealing with validation and because she fancied herself "alternative" which she wasn't, at all. Every so often, these guys would have parties and she would want to go (me, also). I would get bored and want to leave and she'd ask why and I'd say "because they're losers and I don't want to hang out with them all night", and she'd reply, "But they have a hard time getting girls to come to their parties!" and I'd say, "right, because they're losers."

Same deal with this guy? Why is she spending time with this turd?

this guy bought them on Groupon or something like that.

[Raised eybrow] "Do you really want to trust skydiving tickets from Groupon?"

human_enquirer · 2016-07-20T03:55:44+00:00

I remember I used to be a real Betafag® and once gave an iPod to this girl after her MP3 player broke. She immediately called her BF to tell him the good news.

Guess who continued to fuck the girl while I was down an iPod? I suspect the same applies to the guy with the skydiving tickets.

Werewolf35b · 2016-07-20T06:45:02+00:00

I'll play the devil's advocate.

You think because you have more muscles than him or whatever that he's not a threat? Uh ok.

He's going to fuck your chick soon on this trip. If he isn't already.

The thing that caught my eye the most was that he's the alpha and your the beta of the story.

Yup, tour ltr -ing a girl of low character that hangs out with a man who she's not with and allows him to court her. He's Chad. He's taking her on trips! He got her an electronic leash in the form of a phone! He's got her on lockdown lol. The biggest question is why are you letting another guy openly try to advance on your girl? You should have beaten his ass a long time ago. She should respect you and herself to not use a guy for shit either. It's inappropriate and leaves unfortunate implications about what kind of a woman she is that she'll milk a suitor like that.

zyk0s · 2016-07-20T04:32:05+00:00

Whenever a question like this pops up, I find it useful to think about the gender-flipped dual. A girl accepting gifts from orbiters would translate to a guy taking advantage of a girl throwing herself at him.

Would you tell your buddy to be a gentleman and refuse the sex, because he knows the girl wants more? Of course not! But at the same time, you would not encourage him to lead her on, and allow her to believe she is getting to her goal. You do that because, while you acknowledge the other party's agency and ability to make their own decisions, however stupid, you also recognize that they are in a position of emotional vulnerability, and this could backfire. The rule "don't stick your dick in crazy" is a warning that emotionally unstable people are dangerous, and playing with them is very much like playing with fire.

The same happens with a girl getting gifts from orbiters. There are degrees: it could be drinks, flowers, chocolates, but it could be expensive jewelry and common outings, and the latter may give the gift giver the impression that he's "progressing", and leave him quite frustrated when he finds out he has been lead on. Just as you wouldn't excuse a crazy ex for keying your buddy's car, you'd also tell him he should have been more careful. Well, if it turns out bobby beta tried to make a move, and ends up assaulting her, or worse, she triggers an Elliot Rodgers, that's certainly his bad behavior, but it's not like she's innocent either.

So in summary, I would say, let her do what she wants, but do warn her that going skydiving with a guy is leading him on, and for her not to come crying to you if something bad happens. You can also let her learn from her own mistakes I guess.

dragonpants6 · 2016-07-20T06:45:11+00:00

she's being easily manipulated by a wiener with no game. what's she going to do when approached by some guy with at least half a brain? use this as an opportunity to teach her something new about relationships

in your most condescending voice: tell her to tell the boy that you said no. then tell her slowly, "this is why you don't accept gifts from boys. they will make you feel bad for rejecting their dates"

dominate your relationship and steer your fucking ship

frerri · 2016-07-20T10:38:11+00:00

Lol look at him as her gay friend. Laugh at it with your boys.

Abundance.

mabden · 2016-07-20T14:32:53+00:00

Receiving gifts is one thing (materialista) going on a date is another. A chick with a high interest level (attraction) in you would not go on a date with another guy.

6 months is not that long for a relationship, but long enough to start to understand if this chick is actual ltr material. Time to downgrade.

sihitu123 · 2016-07-20T14:50:56+00:00

Well if you're that much a of a better guy why should she spend even one day without you. From your text we can assume the other guy has very low chances to get her but he is not that repulsive that she is willing to go sky diving with him.

I'd argue against it someway (by going with a girl friend to play bowling) and see what she'd say. And if butthurt breakup so be it rather than she getting spiked, raped or coerced to something etc.

Anyway 99% everthing be fine.

brooklynisburnin · 2016-07-20T19:36:01+00:00

IMO keeping orbiters while being on an LTR is a pretty big red flag, that betabucks mentality would definitely bug me.

ecosci · 2016-07-21T00:36:35+00:00

You are getting played my friend she is fucking this guy and keeping you for plan b he doesnt want a ltr but he wants to do your girl and when you didnt stop the gift giving she was testing your weakness you failed it her friends are laughing at you about how beta you are she will not respect you anymore i just dont get it, hard next.uh,2 beers please.

50pluspiller · 2016-07-20T01:21:01+00:00

Sure go. Jump out of a perfectly good airplane, but remember, I am not scraping you off the runway if you splat.

Title	LTR getting gifts from guys
Author	throw_me_a_away
Upvotes	13
Comments	36
Date	July 20, 2016 1:00 AM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/4tokgb/ltr_getting_gifts_from_guys/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/ltr-getting-gifts-from-guys.108596 https://theredarchive.com/post/108596

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