I have been flirting on and off with a colleague who was in a relationship. One night she comes over to my place, we watch a movie and end up kissing. I tell her that I would only sleep with her if she was single and she claims that she was about to dump her bf anyways. The next day she actually dumps him.

Right after that she has corona and we start talking over the phone and get closer to each other. As soon as her quarantine is over we met up twice but didn't have sex because I had stomach issues, she gives me a weak BJ and it's a little awkward because of my health issues at the time so I ask her to stop.

After that we had planned to meet on the following Friday but my stomach issues persisted and I postpone the date to Saturday and suggested we go for a walk as I wasn't sure my stomach would heal.

We meet on Saturday and have an epic weekend where we finally had sex, it was amazing and the connection was so intense that I brought up the exclusive talk. I tell her that I mainly need it as I have a fear of STDs. She says it is what she wants as well and was actually afraid that I was sleeping with other girls as she thought that I am a very sexually active guy. She then says that I should know that the night before (Friday), when I had postponed our date, she was hurt as she was looking forward to see me. She was also hurt that I had suggested 'we go for a walk' instead of just inviting her over and concluded that I may not be as interested in sex. This apparently disappointed her because the bf she dumped had erectile dysfunction and apparently she didn't have proper sex since 3 years.

Because of this disappointment, she went to a party to forget about all of that where she got very drunk, took mdma and ended up kissing and having oral sex with a guy who has been hitting on her for a while. She says it meant nothing as she never had a chemistry with him but was briefly attracted to him as they ended up watching a movie and cuddling twice.

Fast forward 2 months, we still have amazing sex and our connection is great but I have phases where I ask her if the dude from the one night stand is more attractive than me, and she eventually admitted that indeed he is. She said she would give me a 6 and him a 7 but the sex was awful with him and she didn't build up feelings for him the way she had for me. In other words, she had a longstanding office crush on me which she proved with her diary that mentions how the night with me that made her break up with her boyfriend was a night where 'she had never been as turned on in her life'.

I am not sure what to think about this. The guy seems to be a nothing in her life, she showed me her phone, that she had never contacted him except once to tell him that the night they had was a mistake and that she is not interested. She stopped going to parties and practically lives with me, cooks for me almost everyday and has been nothing short of a perfect girlfriend.

But it still eats me alive the thought that when she finally broke up with her bf after I turned her on that night, she didn't wait for my stomach to heal for us to have sex, but instead went and got her needs satisfied by some guy that she admits is better looking than me. Even if she has been more turned on by me (as proven by her diary) and even if the sex with him was so bad she decided to never see him again.