My LTR has hit the wall. Please help.

WillWorkForLTC · 2015-10-25T04:11:23+00:00

Don't drop hints. Tell her to dress up and give her a reason for it.

Ojisan1 · 2015-10-25T04:44:18+00:00

I'm thinking in my mind like why aren't you trying to look good for me?

Patrice used to comment on this all the time - guys censor ourselves way too much, to save a girl's feelings. Don't fucking do it. Say what your gut wants you to say, don't just think it and then filter it for her benefit (because ultimately it's not for her benefit if you don't say what's on your mind and then later dump her and she ends up as a post-wall cat lady).

I blatantly check out other hot looking/sexy dressed girls so maybe she will take the hint but it doesn't work.

Don't keep doing what doesn't work. Look at whatever you want, but don't keep doing it solely because you think somehow this "hint" is going to communicate something you should actually be saying.

Glennus626 · 2015-10-25T06:08:56+00:00

A lot of folks are going to tell you to drop her like a bad habit, and while this is a potential solution, I think you owe it to her past loyalty to put in every effort to turn this around.

She's gotten comfortable, and while most women are testing your fitness and actively competing with your smv, she's one of those anomalies that might not do it as much.

Pretty much the same situation with me and my wife -- she shit tests me, but they're so manageable they're almost laughable. I've checked chicks out in front of her for years, and done plenty of flirting. At first it pissed her off, now it just doesn't phase her.

I think no matter what you're going to look like a jerk to her if and when you break it down for her. I think you could kickstart her dressing habits by buying her a sexy outfit from time to time and taking her out to places where wearing it would draw major attention. Sure, it's not ideal, but it is an effort on your part.

fairyfree · 2015-10-25T05:19:44+00:00

Probably she has body image issues. Need to get rid of that first.

Lead by example train her. Go training, and take her with you don't ask. If you lead she should follow.

Stay faithful. It is who you are.

Stop these thinking about dread and threesomes that might just trigger jelousy or depression.

You want her to improve for herself not for you.

I guess rpw could give you also some other perspective.

dregofsociety · 2015-10-25T17:19:02+00:00

It's all in your head, your progress is relative. In her head, you are the same chump.

plein_old · 2015-10-25T17:29:56+00:00

An alternative to dread is just spend less time with her; spend time with your bros, etc. In the old days I'm told that a husband & wife often slept in different bedrooms. Being together constantly tends to take away the mystery, makes us take people for granted, and it's like depolarizing two magnets that should be super turned on by each other.

And like others said, take her to an event where other women get dolled up and encourage her (or tell her) beforehand to do likewise. It can be fun. There's ways to lead the woman in a LTR that aren't literally dreadful.

CisWhiteMaelstrom · 2015-10-25T15:12:50+00:00

Women reflect the man they're with. She doesn't dress up and work hard because she doesn't think she has to. I'd recommend some dread and working on yourself if you're not already. Never stop gaming them. Never let them get comfortable.

MrEiffel · 2015-10-25T16:16:41+00:00

Well to be quite honest there is no silver bullet here that will turn her into a sex hungry 22 year old bunny. Overt communication (telling her to dress up) is useless, women communicate covertly. Now there is a lot stuff on TRP concerning dread game which could certainly stimulate her into improving, but she is losing her looks as nature dictates while you are reaching your SMV top.

This discrepancy between your and hers SMV will continu to increase so either accept that or look for alternatives.

DennisReynoldsAMA · 2015-10-25T16:56:57+00:00

Like everyone said, you straight up tell her. Look her in the eyes and tell her she needs to get her shit together.

uberrific · 2015-10-28T04:17:04+00:00

Talk to her, she might be ok with you having one night stands, even if you don't cheat the dread of you possibly cheating could cause her to clean up her act. I wouldn't break up with her, she seems great and it would be pretty dick to do so after you took her best years, IMO dread is your best bet.

JackGetsIt · 2015-10-25T14:21:04+00:00

Like most women she has a self image issue and you upping your SMV will not make her want to up hers. She will continue to slide and it won't empower her it will only make her ignore her looks more. I'd ask her what she wants in the long term; and you should tell her what you are imagining the next 5-10 years to be like. Also be a bit Socratic. Ask her how she'd feel if you let yourself slide and ignore your fitness and style. Go deeper and ask her how she'd feel if you lost your job and motivation to make money and take care of her. Finally, her lack of willingness after 10 years to explore kinks is a big red flag and if that's not resolved I'd move on.

StinkyDiaper · 2015-10-25T17:44:23+00:00

Life isn't all about sex, my brother. Finding a quality woman who will stay by your side through literally anything (as I have) a.k.a. actually taking her wedding vows seriously, is rarer than freaking gold and diamonds. You could decide to break it off with her for some better sex, but those women would ditch you the very nanosecond you showed thee slightest hint of not being the perfect Hollywood masculine man. Value what you have, and treasure it dearly.

0io- · 2015-10-25T03:21:47+00:00

Running errands is maybe not the best place to expect her to dress up, maybe invite her to a party or formal event and hand her the clothes you want her to wear. Also you could take up erotic photography and tell her to be your model and then pick out the outfits or make up you want and play Barbie with her.

Ultimately if she's not adding enough value to your life you're going to have to let her go or add someone new to replace what you are not getting from her.

And why are threesomes off the table?

It sounds like maybe she's just not that into you. If she is, she doesn't understand you want her to dress differently. I would just hand her the outfit you want her to wear and tell her to put it on because you want to see her wear it. She's not going to look better in it in another ten years, that's for sure.

whoops_fap · 2015-10-25T04:44:49+00:00

I'm thinking in my mind like why aren't you trying to look good for me? I blatantly check out other hot looking/sexy dressed girls so maybe she will take the hint but it doesn't work.

Because she knows she has you on lock down and doesn't need to worry at all about you leaving. Initiate heavy dread game for the remainder of the LTR or next her.

johnnywahd · 2015-10-25T03:03:14+00:00

Dread game? Your stock is rising and she knows it. Some dread might get her to change her tune. If this doesn't work it might be time to part ways. It's no fun going through the motions.

Best of luck as she sounds like a great person.

youcantdenythat · 2015-10-25T11:44:42+00:00

Dread. She needs to see you flirting with other chicks. Also, the other post about leading her to the gym.

blacwidonsfw · 2015-10-25T09:29:49+00:00

Dude just move on. You are in your prime and we only live once. No ltrs

Title	My LTR has hit the wall. Please help.
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	33
Comments	41
Date	October 25, 2015 2:56 AM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/3q3wd4/my_ltr_has_hit_the_wall_please_help/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/my-ltr-has-hit-the-wall-please-help.188413 https://theredarchive.com/post/188413

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